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I tried so hard to understand the Stack Overflow mindset, but the costs were too much. They treat every question as the X-Y problem, so you have to anticipate t

I tried so hard to understand the Stack Overflow mindset, but the costs were too much. They treat every question as the X-Y problem, so you have to anticipate that and preemptively answer them in your question. They'll criticize you for asking a question about Apache since it's not Nginx. They'll tell you you're too dumb to be trusted with Linux if you have to ask something about file permissions. This started to leak into my real-life conversations at work and I realized I was being condescending and arrogant. I feel like Stack Overflow and the related SE sites genuinely made me a worse person. I spend a lot of time in online communities and I've never seen anything so toxic.

baud147258 8y ago
> I spend a lot of time in online communities and I've never seen anything so toxic I haven't spend that much time asking questions, but I answered many (and commented, edited, flagged…) but Id didn't found the community that toxic, especially compared to other places.
saywhatnow 8y ago
> I spend a lot of time in online communities and I've never seen anything so toxic. That's very odd to me. I spend a lot of time in online communities and I've been hard pressed to find anything as welcoming and helpful as Stack Overflow. I became a high rep user over the years, and I made mistakes that earned downvotes, but usually someone could give me a pointer to how to improve my question or answer. (Not always, but usually.) It does suck to get downvotes, especially without a comment about why, but honestly, when I look at other sites (ahem hacker news) where the rules are only ever referred to by experienced users and in tiny print below the fold, the clear rules and help on StackOverflow, and posters who are willing to link to them and clearly explain them seem like a breath of fresh air.
- PascLeRasc 8y ago
  I think you and I are totally different then. When I find a new community, online or offline, my first thought isn't "what are the rules here?". I'll pick up social cues subconsciously and rarely if ever think about it. I think that's one reason I love HN and hate SO. I don't mean to say my way is better, I just think we can't relate our experiences at all.

baud147258 8y ago

> I spend a lot of time in online communities and I've never seen anything so toxic I haven't spend that much time asking questions, but I answered many (and commented, edited, flagged…) but Id didn't found the community that toxic, especially compared to other places.

saywhatnow 8y ago

> I spend a lot of time in online communities and I've never seen anything so toxic. That's very odd to me. I spend a lot of time in online communities and I've been hard pressed to find anything as welcoming and helpful as Stack Overflow. I became a high rep user over the years, and I made mistakes that earned downvotes, but usually someone could give me a pointer to how to improve my question or answer. (Not always, but usually.) It does suck to get downvotes, especially without a comment about why, but honestly, when I look at other sites (ahem hacker news) where the rules are only ever referred to by experienced users and in tiny print below the fold, the clear rules and help on StackOverflow, and posters who are willing to link to them and clearly explain them seem like a breath of fresh air.

PascLeRasc 8y ago
I think you and I are totally different then. When I find a new community, online or offline, my first thought isn't "what are the rules here?". I'll pick up social cues subconsciously and rarely if ever think about it. I think that's one reason I love HN and hate SO. I don't mean to say my way is better, I just think we can't relate our experiences at all.