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Rewards can also backfire. I'm currently reading "Punished by Rewards", by Alfie Kohn, which spells out all the ways in which rewards are counterproductive. Int

Rewards can also backfire. I'm currently reading "Punished by Rewards", by Alfie Kohn, which spells out all the ways in which rewards are counterproductive. Interestingly enough, I found this book via Marshall Rosenberg's book on non-violent communication, in which Marshall urges us not to use rewards as a means to manipulate others (and not to use punishments for that purpose either of course).

tomp 8y ago
Interesting... Yeah, I didn't mean "manipulate", more to observe the behaviour that we would do naturally (e.g. things like praise, expressing anger, ignoring someone when we're dissatisfied with their behaviour, promotions, etc.) and shifting most of the "punishment"-type responses into "reward"-type responses. Can that (i.e. non-manipulative rewarding behaviour) still backfire? Probably, although I'm then not sure what the solution is... to influence reality and your own well-being, you have act, and even the most fail-safe behaviour (like not spending time with a person anymore) is described by the above framework (i.e. it's a type of punishment), and furthermore it's not always possible (e.g. with children, or if you want a job and a relationship, most people seem to).
- ehsanu1 8y ago
  Using the word "manipulate" might carry too heavy a negative connotation than you might be used to ascribing to rewards, but if you strip the connotations from the word, it's clear that rewards expressly manipulate others. "Do this and I'll give you that" is explicitly a way of affecting others' actions by providing external motivation. It is an attempt to control others behaviors (this is meant plainly, not necessarily judging whether trying to exercise such control is bad). The intention behind the reward might not even be to control, but unfortunately that doesn't change that that it does do control even if inadvertently. Yes, according to Alfie Kohn, such rewards, even innocent seeming things like praise, can indeed backfire. Marshall Rosenberg had this question: When someone does something that you want them to do, what reason would you like for them doing that thing? Would you like them to do it purely due to the reward (or fear of the withdrawal of the reward, which is functionally a punishment)? Or would you like them to do it because they themselves see the value in it and are self-motivated? This is not to say that rewards have no place in life, just that they are a tool that should be carefully considered, and to understand that they will not solve most problems and may make things worse sometimes. The alternative to rewarding or punishing others involves working with them in a less coercive fashion. But that's hard, and I don't know that there's a ready answer for what exactly to do in each situation. NVC could help sometimes.

tomp 8y ago

Interesting... Yeah, I didn't mean "manipulate", more to observe the behaviour that we would do naturally (e.g. things like praise, expressing anger, ignoring someone when we're dissatisfied with their behaviour, promotions, etc.) and shifting most of the "punishment"-type responses into "reward"-type responses. Can that (i.e. non-manipulative rewarding behaviour) still backfire? Probably, although I'm then not sure what the solution is... to influence reality and your own well-being, you have act, and even the most fail-safe behaviour (like not spending time with a person anymore) is described by the above framework (i.e. it's a type of punishment), and furthermore it's not always possible (e.g. with children, or if you want a job and a relationship, most people seem to).

ehsanu1 8y ago
Using the word "manipulate" might carry too heavy a negative connotation than you might be used to ascribing to rewards, but if you strip the connotations from the word, it's clear that rewards expressly manipulate others. "Do this and I'll give you that" is explicitly a way of affecting others' actions by providing external motivation. It is an attempt to control others behaviors (this is meant plainly, not necessarily judging whether trying to exercise such control is bad). The intention behind the reward might not even be to control, but unfortunately that doesn't change that that it does do control even if inadvertently. Yes, according to Alfie Kohn, such rewards, even innocent seeming things like praise, can indeed backfire. Marshall Rosenberg had this question: When someone does something that you want them to do, what reason would you like for them doing that thing? Would you like them to do it purely due to the reward (or fear of the withdrawal of the reward, which is functionally a punishment)? Or would you like them to do it because they themselves see the value in it and are self-motivated? This is not to say that rewards have no place in life, just that they are a tool that should be carefully considered, and to understand that they will not solve most problems and may make things worse sometimes. The alternative to rewarding or punishing others involves working with them in a less coercive fashion. But that's hard, and I don't know that there's a ready answer for what exactly to do in each situation. NVC could help sometimes.