I think there's an idea that you can heroically 'push through' in situations like that, but in my experience that's simply not how people change their ideas/beh

I think there's an idea that you can heroically 'push through' in situations like that, but in my experience that's simply not how people change their ideas/behavior. People change slowly. You set forth the idea, you make your case quickly (e.g. the '40 word' guideline in this article) and you don't apply pressure. You can make clear the gravity of the situation if needed, but coercion, rhetoric, etc. will just work against you when people feel defensive. If you need someone to come closer to your point of view, you need to make room for them to do so. Giving space like this is hard, and it often seems like nothing is changing, but this approach is a lot more powerful than you might think. Obviously you don't have the luxury of time, but the reality is that you can't force the issue. 2 hours sounds miserable, for both of you, and it's only adding to his agitation. He may very well be making terrible mistakes, but they're his to make. I'll tell you this: there's a reason he doesn't want your wife there. I bet you he feels undermined, antagonized, or otherwise unsupported by her (justified or otherwise), and wants to focus on the difficult decisions ahead.