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The example doesn't sound manipulative at all. It sounds like she's calling attention to the underlying emotion that's driving her child to hate the teacher. Be
by jschwartzi 8y ago
The example doesn't sound manipulative at all. It sounds like she's calling attention to the underlying emotion that's driving her child to hate the teacher. Being able to recognize that is key to actually understanding why you do things. Hate is not an emotion, it's an evaluation of the teacher, and to behave like an adult you need to recognize why you have that evaulation.
- andrei_says_ 8y agoI disagree. The example sounded like an attempt to manipulate the emotion by providing a mechanical response. It sounds a bit like a memorized technique applied without the underlying alignment necessary for true empathy. NVC practice aims connection, not changing the other person’s emotional state. Thus the term manipulationnin my response.
- marshray 8y agoSure, restating what someone just told you about how they are feeling "What I hear you saying is ..." can start to sound mechanical. But consider the alternative: most people never actually get any acknowledgement of their thoughts and feelings. They are fully expecting to just be ignored and responded to with the argument that the other party was building in their head while they were talking. The Mom was preparing GGGP to expect people to give a sh*t when he speaks, he just hasn't realized it yet.
- andrei_says_ 8y agoAgain, I disagree. The owner of the emotional response is fully qualified to judge it. Dismissing this as “not getting it yet” is not something I agree with or let slide. His own response was annoyance and disappointment with the mechanical approach. He did not experience connection and he did not feel understanding. That’s pretty much the perfect example of empty words vs true connection.