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So if I understand the article, one should use the communication pattern: When ____[observation], I feel ____[emotion] because I’m needing some ____[universal
by codeape 8y ago
So if I understand the article, one should use the communication pattern:
When ____[observation], I feel ____[emotion] because I’m needing some ____[universal needs]. Would you be able to ____[request]?
For instance:
When [you're acting like a dickhead], I feel [the urge to punch you] because I'm needing some [fking professionalism]. Would you be able to [stop acting like a dickhead]?
- gowld 8y agoReading your post, I feel that you don't understand the article. I come to HN for substantive commentary that engages and expands upon the source material. Would you be able to read it again with a fresh perspective, and share your criticism in a less sarcastic and more informative way?
- mercutio2 8y agoThere are several sentences in the piece dedicated to explaining that treating the [emotion] section as a synonym for [attack that happens to be prefixed with the word feel] is a corruption of the practice. There’s also a section explaining the difference between requests and demands. But your formulation does tend to highlight why people get incensed at amateurish imitations of NVC.
- quickthrower2 8y ago"you're acting like a dickhead" is not an observation, it is a characterisation. "the urge to punch you" could be phrased as "angry" perhaps? "fking professionalism" isn't what you need, it is a trait you want the other person to show. What is it that you need?