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We're trying to limit gift giving from any one source to both a dollar and item limit. It's been a struggle and some family members complain about staying withi

We're trying to limit gift giving from any one source to both a dollar and item limit. It's been a struggle and some family members complain about staying within the limits we've requested (ironically, gift giving seems to be more about them than the recipient.) One thing we're trying now is suggesting that gifts to kids be replaced with donations to a 529, and so far this seems to be working OK. There's still some concern that kids won't care about this kind of gift at this age, but we do make an effort to explain who gave what and what it means, and I think that's worth more than yet another toy they might touch once in a few months.

wccrawford 8y ago
I quite enjoy giving gifts, but I'd say it's about both the giver and receiver equally. If the receiver doesn't enjoy it, then I don't get the satisfaction from giving the gift. As such, I can see why they'd be upset about having to stay within limits. It's harder to hit that "wow" with a $10 gift than a $100 gift, after all. Every Christmas or birthday that I've made someone say, "This is the best gift ever!" is the greatest feeling. The worst for me is when someone asks for something specific. There's no way to get that "best ever" title from that. You're merely meeting expectations. Gift cards are also in this category since pure cash would actually be a better gift, and still just as soul-less and expected. And if my aim isn't to wow them, I'd just be giving them a gift because it's expected socially, which doesn't interest me at all.
- thaumasiotes 8y ago
  > Gift cards are also in this category since pure cash would actually be a better gift, and still just as soul-less and expected. Chinese children get cash for New Year's. It doesn't hurt the mood of the holiday at all. I think what makes it work is the asymmetry -- children receive money from adults. In a symmetric exchange, exchanging cash is similar to doing nothing. In an asymmetric exchange, it's fine. (You see the same thing with Chinese weddings -- the couple receive money from the guests. I'm told that it can be hard to actually profit off the wedding, though.) I'll also note that, as a white American, I usually received cash in the mail from aunts and uncles. This did not impair their relationship with me. I liked getting it.
- gowld 8y ago
  You are creating an emotional burden on your recipients, that they need to satisfy your need for satisfaction. That's not a gift, that's an investment in your own ego. Sure, you should learn what someone wants and try to target that. But denying someone what they know they want because you want credit for thinking of the gift idea, that's self-centered.
  - noneeeed 8y ago
    I'm so glad you wrote that, because you put down what I was thinking much more succinctly than I could.
  - wccrawford 8y ago
    I never said I don't get them what they want when they ask for it. I said it doesn't interest me.

wccrawford 8y ago

I quite enjoy giving gifts, but I'd say it's about both the giver and receiver equally. If the receiver doesn't enjoy it, then I don't get the satisfaction from giving the gift. As such, I can see why they'd be upset about having to stay within limits. It's harder to hit that "wow" with a $10 gift than a $100 gift, after all. Every Christmas or birthday that I've made someone say, "This is the best gift ever!" is the greatest feeling. The worst for me is when someone asks for something specific. There's no way to get that "best ever" title from that. You're merely meeting expectations. Gift cards are also in this category since pure cash would actually be a better gift, and still just as soul-less and expected. And if my aim isn't to wow them, I'd just be giving them a gift because it's expected socially, which doesn't interest me at all.

thaumasiotes 8y ago
> Gift cards are also in this category since pure cash would actually be a better gift, and still just as soul-less and expected. Chinese children get cash for New Year's. It doesn't hurt the mood of the holiday at all. I think what makes it work is the asymmetry -- children receive money from adults. In a symmetric exchange, exchanging cash is similar to doing nothing. In an asymmetric exchange, it's fine. (You see the same thing with Chinese weddings -- the couple receive money from the guests. I'm told that it can be hard to actually profit off the wedding, though.) I'll also note that, as a white American, I usually received cash in the mail from aunts and uncles. This did not impair their relationship with me. I liked getting it.
gowld 8y ago
You are creating an emotional burden on your recipients, that they need to satisfy your need for satisfaction. That's not a gift, that's an investment in your own ego. Sure, you should learn what someone wants and try to target that. But denying someone what they know they want because you want credit for thinking of the gift idea, that's self-centered.
- noneeeed 8y ago
  I'm so glad you wrote that, because you put down what I was thinking much more succinctly than I could.
- wccrawford 8y ago
  I never said I don't get them what they want when they ask for it. I said it doesn't interest me.