5 ms·

The concept of not having your own private bank account that isn't shared with your significant other or anyone else baffles me.

frosted-flakes 8y ago
Why? It baffles me that a husband and wife don't trust each other enough to pool their resources.
- hocuspocus 8y ago
  Not having the freedom to keep some money separately and use it as you see fit sounds so 1950. We have a joint credit card but I don't see why we'd ever need a joint bank account.
  - frosted-flakes 8y ago
    I'm curious; how do you decide who pays for what? If you're splitting the bills for everything anyway, and since you've dedicated your lives to each other (presumably, if you're married), it feels like a pointless exercise to keep separate finances.
    - lawn 8y ago
      You trust each other to list what common items they've bought. We have separate bank accounts and credit cards and we split the bills most things, like groceries. But we don't look into what personal purchases we make, for example me buying Lego. It's pretty easy to decide if we should pay together or not. At least for us.
      - frosted-flakes 8y ago
        I agree that each spouse should have some of their "own" money to spend as they see fit, but to me, it makes sense for all income to go into a single pot. Shared expenses come from the pot, while a certain amount of spending money is set aside for each spouse each week/month/whatever. Whether that money is put into separate accounts or is just two lines in the budget doesn't really matter. (YNAB would be good for something like this, and this is actually a setup the company founder suggests). That way, you never have to deal with splitting shared expenses, there's no worrying about who's earning more, and financial decisions are by default made together, but you can still buy your LEGO with your own money.
        deleted 8y ago
        [deleted]
- mschuetz 8y ago
  This is like the couple's version of "I have nothing to hide so why shouldn't the government spy on every little part of my life.". It's fine to have a joint account that you pool part of your income into. But there is no reason not to have a private account as well. And trusting someone doesn't mean having to completely expose everything to them. Just because I trust someone, I won't let them snoop through my phone, hand out all my passwords, or give them 100% access to my bank account. Trust also means to trust someone enough to let them do their own thing.
- Wildgoose 8y ago
  Ditto. We each have our own JOINT account. We can use each other's accounts (including the associated credit cards) but it's easier to manage if we (generally) don't. After all, if you are married you are jointly and separately liable for all assets and debts so why doesn't your banking arrangements reflect that fact?
  - hocuspocus 8y ago
    > After all, if you are married you are jointly and separately liable for all assets and debts so why doesn't your banking arrangements reflect that fact? In countries with matrimonial property regimes, that isn't necessarily the case.
- jlokier 8y ago
  In the UK at the moment there is an issue with Universal Credit payments (a state benefit), where it is all paid to a single account holder for a household. This is a problem in cases where (typically) a husband is abusing his wife, by withholding her access to the funds unless she does what he wants. The solution which is finally being looked at is to revert to paying each person their benefit entitlement separately. That's not even something the abused spouse can choose for themselves because they "don't trust". It requires the state to recognise it is important to treat each spouse separately, automatically for all of them, to limit the possibility of abuse via joint accounts.
- jlokier 8y ago
  I'm the opposite. I can't imagine having a spouse that I trust so much that it would have zero chilling effect on my personal spending decisions if they could audit every trivial thing I spend on. Just as importantly, I can't imagine that I would have zero chilling effect on my spouse either. So even if they preferred a joint account, I'd insist _they_ have a private account that I couldn't see as well, and that it had some liquidity in it. It is important to me that my spouse feels as free as possible, and that they have some personal life which is just for themselves, outside of my view.

frosted-flakes 8y ago

Why? It baffles me that a husband and wife don't trust each other enough to pool their resources.

hocuspocus 8y ago
Not having the freedom to keep some money separately and use it as you see fit sounds so 1950. We have a joint credit card but I don't see why we'd ever need a joint bank account.
- frosted-flakes 8y ago
  I'm curious; how do you decide who pays for what? If you're splitting the bills for everything anyway, and since you've dedicated your lives to each other (presumably, if you're married), it feels like a pointless exercise to keep separate finances.
  - lawn 8y ago
    You trust each other to list what common items they've bought. We have separate bank accounts and credit cards and we split the bills most things, like groceries. But we don't look into what personal purchases we make, for example me buying Lego. It's pretty easy to decide if we should pay together or not. At least for us.
    - frosted-flakes 8y ago
      I agree that each spouse should have some of their "own" money to spend as they see fit, but to me, it makes sense for all income to go into a single pot. Shared expenses come from the pot, while a certain amount of spending money is set aside for each spouse each week/month/whatever. Whether that money is put into separate accounts or is just two lines in the budget doesn't really matter. (YNAB would be good for something like this, and this is actually a setup the company founder suggests). That way, you never have to deal with splitting shared expenses, there's no worrying about who's earning more, and financial decisions are by default made together, but you can still buy your LEGO with your own money.
      - deleted 8y ago
        [deleted]
mschuetz 8y ago
This is like the couple's version of "I have nothing to hide so why shouldn't the government spy on every little part of my life.". It's fine to have a joint account that you pool part of your income into. But there is no reason not to have a private account as well. And trusting someone doesn't mean having to completely expose everything to them. Just because I trust someone, I won't let them snoop through my phone, hand out all my passwords, or give them 100% access to my bank account. Trust also means to trust someone enough to let them do their own thing.
Wildgoose 8y ago
Ditto. We each have our own JOINT account. We can use each other's accounts (including the associated credit cards) but it's easier to manage if we (generally) don't. After all, if you are married you are jointly and separately liable for all assets and debts so why doesn't your banking arrangements reflect that fact?
- hocuspocus 8y ago
  > After all, if you are married you are jointly and separately liable for all assets and debts so why doesn't your banking arrangements reflect that fact? In countries with matrimonial property regimes, that isn't necessarily the case.
jlokier 8y ago
In the UK at the moment there is an issue with Universal Credit payments (a state benefit), where it is all paid to a single account holder for a household. This is a problem in cases where (typically) a husband is abusing his wife, by withholding her access to the funds unless she does what he wants. The solution which is finally being looked at is to revert to paying each person their benefit entitlement separately. That's not even something the abused spouse can choose for themselves because they "don't trust". It requires the state to recognise it is important to treat each spouse separately, automatically for all of them, to limit the possibility of abuse via joint accounts.
jlokier 8y ago
I'm the opposite. I can't imagine having a spouse that I trust so much that it would have zero chilling effect on my personal spending decisions if they could audit every trivial thing I spend on. Just as importantly, I can't imagine that I would have zero chilling effect on my spouse either. So even if they preferred a joint account, I'd insist _they_ have a private account that I couldn't see as well, and that it had some liquidity in it. It is important to me that my spouse feels as free as possible, and that they have some personal life which is just for themselves, outside of my view.