6 ms·

I'm too absorbed by parenting that I dream about side projects I will never do. Enjoy the free time

oarsinsync 8y ago
Enjoy the time with your children too. The memories you build with them today will last a lifetime, and will be much more valuable than any side project you're dreaming of
- ycombonator 8y ago
  Ditto !
- IloveHN84 8y ago
  Yeah I know, that's why I keep myself on sync and spend all the time I have with him!
- lukaszkups 8y ago
  I've learnt side-projects are possible you only just have... sleep less :) I'm a father of 2 (4yrs old + 6mo old) and I start doing side-projects when kids and wife go to sleep (we spent time together as well, she doesn't go to sleep at the same time as kiddos). So around 22:30 I've work on something for myself for 2 - 3hours. Then repeat :) But I'm blessed that my kids are sleep through 99% of the night time.
  - taneq 8y ago
    How on earth do you function with so little sleep? ...or do your children not wake up at 6am sharp every day? :P
    - lukaszkups 8y ago
      haha not really, but around 7AM, sometimes even 8AM (so I'm really blessed I think :D ) But what I say is - I'm not doing that 7days per week - if I'm tired I watch some Netflix or just play games or just go to sleep (but I feel really guilty that I've wasted free time to go 'just to sleep' - I know that's a bad mindset, I'm trying to fight with it, because sometimes your body needs to recover a bit more)
  - zikzak 8y ago
    I was really good at getting up early and working on my projects before everyone woke up (30 minutes a day, more or less) then we moved to a new time zone and my work day starts at 5:00 instead of 8:00. Meanwhile, we moved because my spouse has a great but very demanding job so I have way less free time. :) It's for a good cause (and she makes way more money than me). I'm figuring out how to make it work. 15 minute increments. Ha ha. It's possible.
  - CodeCube 8y ago
    I did the same thing when my kids were born (similar age difference), and it took approximately 4-5 years for me to burnout. I took for granted that my time was a limited resource, and left very little for myself (for rest, relaxation, and just plain enjoyment). I got to a point that I couldn't bring myself to even open a computer after I got home from work ... and while I recovered to an extent (I've had a number of successful (IMO) side projects, and even did some startups since), I haven't quite felt that drive to spend my off-time doing more work. My daughter just turned 18 yesterday, and I'm looking forward to when my son is off to college in ~4 years; side-projects, here I come!
    - schwartzworld 8y ago
      How do you balance your own needs against those of your family's? My kids are 2.5 and 6 months, and I frequently stay up late to work on personal projects or even just drink beer and watch TV. Its hard being tired the next day, but the alternative is never taking any time for myself.
      - CodeCube 8y ago
        I did that for a long while ... and eventually decided that I preferred the alternative to being tired all the time ;) Took a long time to realize, and of course YMMV. I had kids younger than most of my peers (~10 years early, when I was 20 ... it was all planned, perfectly on schedule), so when a few of my friends' wives became pregnant recently, I gave them all the same advice -- to give yourself time and space to learn how to integrate this new aspect into your life. I went into it trying to maintain my "me time", with side-projects, writing books, making games, reading/writing blogs, participating in online communities (/. at the time), etc ... and I burned out, so my advice to them (and to you) is to learn how to re-balance your priorities. Beer and TV will kick your ass the next day if you stay up late, and eventually it'll catch up to you. Better to go in cycles ... have some "benders" from time to time where you hang out with friends, play games, drink beer, watch TV; and then have a stretch of time that you go to bed at a reasonable (and consistent) hour, exercise, etc.
- cjarrett 8y ago
  Agreed. I wish I could have spent more time with my parents when they were younger. At least they were able to retire early and we're making up for it in adventures nowadays.
  - halfnibble 8y ago
    My parents retired early too, and it looked like we were about to be in a similar situation, but then my mom caught a rare and aggressive form of cancer. It happened so fast. We are all still in shock. Don't take any moment for granted, and call your mom—even if you're busy.
albertgoeswoof 8y ago
I feel like this is an excuse (sorry to be blunt). I’m a new parent and managed to build and release a side project in the first few weeks, as well as keep up with a bunch of other side projects. I’ve just had to adapt the way I work on them. Eg I’m spending significantly more time planning than before, I’m using tools that have been consistently applied to solve similar problems, I’m ruthlessly prioritising features, I’m spending much more time thinking about the implementation before I commit anything, etc. I know exactly what I want to do when I sit down and write code and to be honest I’m spending very little time on writing code. It’s maybe 30 minutes a day, plus constantly going over ideas and research on Trello/iOS Safari when I’m commuting or I only have one hand free. I think my productivity is not much lower than before, although there are moments when parenting gets in the way I still think it’s possible to keep making progress.
- 99052882514569 8y ago
  >I’m a new parent and managed to build and release a side project in the first few weeks Oh gee, no, no. If all you know is the first few months, you know not of parenting time requirements. You need to come back and talk about ruthless prioritizing and efficient coding when you parent a toddler, or two. Then we can all have a hearty laugh at this post together.
  - alzoid 8y ago
    I'm lucky enough to have 1 - 3 hours between their bed time and my bed time to work on something. At the end of the day its hard to do more work when you want to decompress / spend time with spouse, but some days I make it happen.
  - albertgoeswoof 8y ago
    I think that's fair. And I can see how having 2+ will make a big difference. I do find myself already thinking I'm too tired / busy to do something, but then actually I sit down and get started and find I can make progress. I feels to me like it's a mindset of prioritising the things that matter the most, and side projects should be high on the list in my opinion. If you can find the time to read articles and articulate a response on HN you probably have time to spend on your side project.
aivisol 8y ago
That will fly faster than you wish. They grow up so fast, and leave you before you even realize it. Enjoy it while you can!
Milank 8y ago
Ha-ha, been there, done that. It takes a lot of effort, energy, support from the spouse, ... I often say - if I could go back in time, I would go visit younger me, single, with 9-5 job being only obligation. I would go there, and slap him (myself) across the face for complaining about not having enough time. I mean, seriously? And a note to those parents with one kid - enjoy your spring break. That's what it feels like compared to having two kids. Wouldn't dare to think about how it is with 3+. Enjoy your time with kids, you won't get another chance with that. With side projects you can always start over.
- gdubs 8y ago
  Parent of three here: one amazing thing that’s happened is the two oldest ones (both under five) self-organized a morning playtime routine when the new baby arrived. So, rather than coming straight to my bed, I hear them laughing and playing, and working out their problems in their room for a solid hour. Given that the third baby is very, very likely our last I’m definitely trying to appreciate every moment. The upside is that by the third baby you’re able to just enjoy things because you’ve got some experience and aren’t overly anxious all the time. I’ve learned the value of slow and steady progress on hobby projects. In some ways it’s more effective. I spend weeks without any real time to sit down and code, but by the time I do I’ve either worked it out in my head during spare moments, or on pencil and paper.

Enjoy the time with your children too. The memories you build with them today will last a lifetime, and will be much more valuable than any side project you're dreaming of

ycombonator 8y ago
Ditto !
IloveHN84 8y ago
Yeah I know, that's why I keep myself on sync and spend all the time I have with him!
lukaszkups 8y ago
I've learnt side-projects are possible you only just have... sleep less :) I'm a father of 2 (4yrs old + 6mo old) and I start doing side-projects when kids and wife go to sleep (we spent time together as well, she doesn't go to sleep at the same time as kiddos). So around 22:30 I've work on something for myself for 2 - 3hours. Then repeat :) But I'm blessed that my kids are sleep through 99% of the night time.
- taneq 8y ago
  How on earth do you function with so little sleep? ...or do your children not wake up at 6am sharp every day? :P
  - lukaszkups 8y ago
    haha not really, but around 7AM, sometimes even 8AM (so I'm really blessed I think :D ) But what I say is - I'm not doing that 7days per week - if I'm tired I watch some Netflix or just play games or just go to sleep (but I feel really guilty that I've wasted free time to go 'just to sleep' - I know that's a bad mindset, I'm trying to fight with it, because sometimes your body needs to recover a bit more)
- zikzak 8y ago
  I was really good at getting up early and working on my projects before everyone woke up (30 minutes a day, more or less) then we moved to a new time zone and my work day starts at 5:00 instead of 8:00. Meanwhile, we moved because my spouse has a great but very demanding job so I have way less free time. :) It's for a good cause (and she makes way more money than me). I'm figuring out how to make it work. 15 minute increments. Ha ha. It's possible.
- CodeCube 8y ago
  I did the same thing when my kids were born (similar age difference), and it took approximately 4-5 years for me to burnout. I took for granted that my time was a limited resource, and left very little for myself (for rest, relaxation, and just plain enjoyment). I got to a point that I couldn't bring myself to even open a computer after I got home from work ... and while I recovered to an extent (I've had a number of successful (IMO) side projects, and even did some startups since), I haven't quite felt that drive to spend my off-time doing more work. My daughter just turned 18 yesterday, and I'm looking forward to when my son is off to college in ~4 years; side-projects, here I come!
  - schwartzworld 8y ago
    How do you balance your own needs against those of your family's? My kids are 2.5 and 6 months, and I frequently stay up late to work on personal projects or even just drink beer and watch TV. Its hard being tired the next day, but the alternative is never taking any time for myself.
    - CodeCube 8y ago
      I did that for a long while ... and eventually decided that I preferred the alternative to being tired all the time ;) Took a long time to realize, and of course YMMV. I had kids younger than most of my peers (~10 years early, when I was 20 ... it was all planned, perfectly on schedule), so when a few of my friends' wives became pregnant recently, I gave them all the same advice -- to give yourself time and space to learn how to integrate this new aspect into your life. I went into it trying to maintain my "me time", with side-projects, writing books, making games, reading/writing blogs, participating in online communities (/. at the time), etc ... and I burned out, so my advice to them (and to you) is to learn how to re-balance your priorities. Beer and TV will kick your ass the next day if you stay up late, and eventually it'll catch up to you. Better to go in cycles ... have some "benders" from time to time where you hang out with friends, play games, drink beer, watch TV; and then have a stretch of time that you go to bed at a reasonable (and consistent) hour, exercise, etc.
cjarrett 8y ago
Agreed. I wish I could have spent more time with my parents when they were younger. At least they were able to retire early and we're making up for it in adventures nowadays.
- halfnibble 8y ago
  My parents retired early too, and it looked like we were about to be in a similar situation, but then my mom caught a rare and aggressive form of cancer. It happened so fast. We are all still in shock. Don't take any moment for granted, and call your mom—even if you're busy.

albertgoeswoof 8y ago

I feel like this is an excuse (sorry to be blunt). I’m a new parent and managed to build and release a side project in the first few weeks, as well as keep up with a bunch of other side projects. I’ve just had to adapt the way I work on them. Eg I’m spending significantly more time planning than before, I’m using tools that have been consistently applied to solve similar problems, I’m ruthlessly prioritising features, I’m spending much more time thinking about the implementation before I commit anything, etc. I know exactly what I want to do when I sit down and write code and to be honest I’m spending very little time on writing code. It’s maybe 30 minutes a day, plus constantly going over ideas and research on Trello/iOS Safari when I’m commuting or I only have one hand free. I think my productivity is not much lower than before, although there are moments when parenting gets in the way I still think it’s possible to keep making progress.

99052882514569 8y ago
>I’m a new parent and managed to build and release a side project in the first few weeks Oh gee, no, no. If all you know is the first few months, you know not of parenting time requirements. You need to come back and talk about ruthless prioritizing and efficient coding when you parent a toddler, or two. Then we can all have a hearty laugh at this post together.
- alzoid 8y ago
  I'm lucky enough to have 1 - 3 hours between their bed time and my bed time to work on something. At the end of the day its hard to do more work when you want to decompress / spend time with spouse, but some days I make it happen.
- albertgoeswoof 8y ago
  I think that's fair. And I can see how having 2+ will make a big difference. I do find myself already thinking I'm too tired / busy to do something, but then actually I sit down and get started and find I can make progress. I feels to me like it's a mindset of prioritising the things that matter the most, and side projects should be high on the list in my opinion. If you can find the time to read articles and articulate a response on HN you probably have time to spend on your side project.

aivisol 8y ago

That will fly faster than you wish. They grow up so fast, and leave you before you even realize it. Enjoy it while you can!

Milank 8y ago

Ha-ha, been there, done that. It takes a lot of effort, energy, support from the spouse, ... I often say - if I could go back in time, I would go visit younger me, single, with 9-5 job being only obligation. I would go there, and slap him (myself) across the face for complaining about not having enough time. I mean, seriously? And a note to those parents with one kid - enjoy your spring break. That's what it feels like compared to having two kids. Wouldn't dare to think about how it is with 3+. Enjoy your time with kids, you won't get another chance with that. With side projects you can always start over.

gdubs 8y ago
Parent of three here: one amazing thing that’s happened is the two oldest ones (both under five) self-organized a morning playtime routine when the new baby arrived. So, rather than coming straight to my bed, I hear them laughing and playing, and working out their problems in their room for a solid hour. Given that the third baby is very, very likely our last I’m definitely trying to appreciate every moment. The upside is that by the third baby you’re able to just enjoy things because you’ve got some experience and aren’t overly anxious all the time. I’ve learned the value of slow and steady progress on hobby projects. In some ways it’s more effective. I spend weeks without any real time to sit down and code, but by the time I do I’ve either worked it out in my head during spare moments, or on pencil and paper.