7 ms·

A piece of simple, concrete, implementable advice I read recently that I really like is "communicate in the language of options, not demands, imperatives, reque

A piece of simple, concrete, implementable advice I read recently that I really like is "communicate in the language of options, not demands, imperatives, requests, or preferences." Imagine yourself having a conversation with your manager or someone in a relatively similar position about a decision or suggestion you have. How often do you say things like "we have to", "we need to", "we really should", "can we", or "I'd like to"? The problem with all of these statements, from the perspective of someone like your manager, is that they hint at a passion or personal preference that doesn't belong in a decision-making process or conversation. In the flow of a conversation, it may feel like you're merely emphasizing a point and bringing your (presumably solid) technical experience to the table, but to the listener it often makes your suggestions appear self-serving, poorly considered, and possibly irrational from the perspective of the business. Try to replace the above phrases with "one option is to..." and change your thinking to complete the thought in a way that makes sense. Avoid picking favorite solutions and presenting them as the clear winner or only option. It'll get you thinking in terms of pros and cons and how to persuade other people by appealing to their point of view. It will make you appear more level-headed and capable of making decisions that are good for the business. It'll also remind you of (and force you to fully consider) the frequently hidden option that's often forgotten when presenting a new idea or direction, which is the status quo.

cormacrelf 8y ago
You can always come up with two options, for any problem. If one of them is terrible or expensive, say it anyway, and now you look like you’re making justified decisions and thinking things through. The brilliance of “Design Thinking” is basically the same thing — designers and creative thinkers do their work as usual, but they present it as if they’re following some kind of methodology that even people who don’t understand the work can get around. In the background, all of your engineering decisions are likely based in some kind of business truth, so bring it out and talk about it instead of Java GC tuning or other non-business nonsense.
Samon 8y ago
A former Tech leader where I work used to say "Never say you can't do something. Just provide options, cost and consequences. The business/management/client will make the decision for you."
- borski 8y ago
  This is super important. Having someone come to the conclusion you care to on their own will solidify it in their own heads as their idea, making it an obvious choice. I’ve even gone so far as to argue against it with a few surface arguments, to cement it in their minds. Is that manipulative? Sometimes. But if it’s for the benefit of the team, you do what has to be done.
  - joejerryronnie 8y ago
    This is literally the secret to being successful at business and politics.
    - borski 8y ago
      I'm continually surprised by how many people don't recognize this as such a massive differentiator in one's ability to be persuasive.
- afarrell 8y ago
  I imagine this leading to situations where you say things like, “pursuing option X would require a research project of indeterminate cost and time, likely longer than 7 years for a 10-person team”
- Delmania 8y ago
  Never say no, always say yes but say what the costs are.
- mjw1007 8y ago
  One place where this can fall down is when the cost is along the lines of "if we do X then we're closing down the option of doing Y" later. Unless the business/management/client is better than average, there's a large risk that they'll say "fine, whatever, we want X", then a year later ask for Y and be unhappy that it's impossible or very expensive.
  - lmeyerov 8y ago
rustoo 8y ago
Thank you! This is so helpful.
ozim 8y ago
I have seen this in my own example. I usually would say "To run website for customer X, we have to setup separate database server because their requirement is not having multi tenancy". What I found out, it is something you can communicate to fellow engineer when all tasks are signed off. It is technically correct, and I did not understood why it would not be valid statement. When you are in meeting with higher ups planning roll out for that customer, there is no "we have to". There are only options and maybe that customer was just shooting from the hip with those requirements and if we tell him what the price is we won't have that customer or he will reduce his wish list. So it would be "To run website for customer X, one option is setup new server but it will be 100$ a month and one person working on it for 2-4 days to have configuration working and tested". Setting up separate server is not interesting part for business. Setting up server for me is interesting part because I have to put it in the context of our infrastructure, what rights should be assigned to that server, what packages I need to install on it.
black-tea 8y ago
Sigh. I suppose another batch of engineers will read this and start participating in rounds of bullshit instead of just doing what is clearly the right thing to do. If there are options, present options. If you know only one good way to do it, just say so.
- sl1ck731 8y ago
  As someone who has to continually push back against people who have the "one good way to do it", I'd prefer everything was presented as options. People make these statements in front of customers and then we have to dance around it to the next option. It takes a hint of introspection to know when you might not have all the bases covered in your head before pushing things out of your mouth. Saying something is an option at least can be interpreted as not being fully sure at this second, whereas saying "we have to do this" and being wrong just makes you look incompetent as a representative of my team.
- JshWright 8y ago
  Not doing something is still an "option".
- sopooneo 8y ago
  I've had situations where I think one path forward is the clearly only sane option. But because I was told years ago to present options I say, "Okay, option X will will take a week to set up and cost $100 a month. Option Y will take three months to setup and cost $20,000 a month." But management doesn't bat an eye, they reply "Oh great! No problem, we'll get you the budget for option Y." And while I fight to keep my chin from hitting the floor, they sign off on the funds and move on the next item on the meeting agenda. And what do I care? My conscience is clear because I presented the facts as I know them. And we get staff and budget as needed. Maybe there was some political motivation I didn't know, maybe the exec wanted to justify higher budget. Fine. I did my job and things move on.
abainbridge 8y ago
Agreed. > Avoid picking favorite solutions and presenting them as the clear winner or only option. That depends how stupid the management is. I remember when an ex-colleague of mine was designing a big complex thing (a mixed signal ASIC, if you care). He was a mere engineer. All the big decisions had to have management approval. But the management didn't understand much about how the complex thing worked. He tried the, "we must do this and that" approach, without success. He eventually figured out that he needed to present options. But it didn't seem to matter if all but one of the options were stupid. As long as there was a graph showing one option being better than the others, then the management could chose the option with the big score and feel like they were in control. Moral - Figuring out how to control your boss is a good strategy but probably only works if you are cleverer than they are. I prefer having a boss who is clever than me and when I say, "we must do this", they explain why that's a stupid idea.
cube00 8y ago
The nice thing about presenting options along with their pros and cons is the option accepted by management also has its attached cons explicitly accepted too (often in writing)
rsp1984 8y ago
Given the support for this answer I will likely get downvoted for this, but I disagree with this advice. I am a co-founder (and CTO) of a small company myself and hence get to talk to the folks in my company quite regularly. I disagree with the notion that passion or personal preference doesn't belong in a decision-making process. Not only does it belong there, it is even a critical part of it, assuming of course that you have good arguments to make for your point and convey it in a respectful and professional manner. Having passion and personal preference displays that you are engaged in your job and identify with the work that you do and aren't afraid to speak your mind, which requires a certain level of trust. Even more, you were hired precisely because the company came to the conclusion that it can benefit from your (uncensored) input. It sure depends on the context but presenting your thoughts as "one option is to...", is a marker that you are indifferent to the outcome. It generally does not display trust, confidence or engagement. So, if your manager is worth her/his money he/she can handle strong opinions just fine and will also consider other viewpoints than yours in the decision making process. W.r.t. "talk like a leader, not like an engineer", king_panic has the best answer IMO.
- Topolomancer 8y ago
  I disagree. Talking about options is _not_ a black-and-white issue, and I feel that seeing this as being indifferent is somewhat of a stretch. Why not outline the options and their respective consequences (as far as you can observe them) as objectively as possible? Here's an example: 'One option is to do it this way. This has the following advantages. Moreover, we could also do it that way. This will likely result in ...' And of course you _can_ give your preference---but you should be upfront about this. For example: 'Personally, I think it might be worth to pursue option 1 more because of ...' Strong opinions are one thing, but being capable of seeing alternatives is also very, very valid. Not every [business] decision has _one_ easy answer. (disclaimer: I am talking about my experience with academic teams inside academia; this is not 100% transferable to the business world, I would wager)
  - vvanders 8y ago
    Yeah, the other thing to consider is that as you go up the chain the people you're talking to have more context across the business and may know something you don't. Outlining options with consequences helps them make the right decision in the macro. I've have many decisions from the technical side that made sense but we're absolutely the wrong choice once I had more context around what other teams planned or the business constraints.
HenryBemis 8y ago
When in Rome, do as the Romans do. So, when talking to C-levels/suite, speak as they do. Listen to them for 10mins, and mirror the language. C-suite need to say 10 things in 1 line. When speaking technical the opposite happens. Speaking 10 lines to explain 1 thing. Keep in mind, they don't expand. They compress/winzip/winrar. The above 'option' is a great manner and I will change this in my vocabulary starting today!
hartator 8y ago
Not sure if I agree. When you give options, you can still have a strong preference for one or the other. Like logo A v. Logo B. It can be passive agressive to make one option looks very good and the other looks like shit. Whereas a transparent conversation will be, I really like option A, but at the end of the day is your area of responsability and if you want to do option B it’s perfectly fine.
m33k44 8y ago
The way I do it is mention the options and my preferred option with the justification on why my preference is better. That shows that I have thought through the problem and possible solutions carefully.

cormacrelf 8y ago

You can always come up with two options, for any problem. If one of them is terrible or expensive, say it anyway, and now you look like you’re making justified decisions and thinking things through. The brilliance of “Design Thinking” is basically the same thing — designers and creative thinkers do their work as usual, but they present it as if they’re following some kind of methodology that even people who don’t understand the work can get around. In the background, all of your engineering decisions are likely based in some kind of business truth, so bring it out and talk about it instead of Java GC tuning or other non-business nonsense.

Samon 8y ago

A former Tech leader where I work used to say "Never say you can't do something. Just provide options, cost and consequences. The business/management/client will make the decision for you."

borski 8y ago
This is super important. Having someone come to the conclusion you care to on their own will solidify it in their own heads as their idea, making it an obvious choice. I’ve even gone so far as to argue against it with a few surface arguments, to cement it in their minds. Is that manipulative? Sometimes. But if it’s for the benefit of the team, you do what has to be done.
- joejerryronnie 8y ago
  This is literally the secret to being successful at business and politics.
  - borski 8y ago
    I'm continually surprised by how many people don't recognize this as such a massive differentiator in one's ability to be persuasive.
afarrell 8y ago
I imagine this leading to situations where you say things like, “pursuing option X would require a research project of indeterminate cost and time, likely longer than 7 years for a 10-person team”
Delmania 8y ago
Never say no, always say yes but say what the costs are.
mjw1007 8y ago
One place where this can fall down is when the cost is along the lines of "if we do X then we're closing down the option of doing Y" later. Unless the business/management/client is better than average, there's a large risk that they'll say "fine, whatever, we want X", then a year later ask for Y and be unhappy that it's impossible or very expensive.
- lmeyerov 8y ago

rustoo 8y ago

Thank you! This is so helpful.

ozim 8y ago

I have seen this in my own example. I usually would say "To run website for customer X, we have to setup separate database server because their requirement is not having multi tenancy". What I found out, it is something you can communicate to fellow engineer when all tasks are signed off. It is technically correct, and I did not understood why it would not be valid statement. When you are in meeting with higher ups planning roll out for that customer, there is no "we have to". There are only options and maybe that customer was just shooting from the hip with those requirements and if we tell him what the price is we won't have that customer or he will reduce his wish list. So it would be "To run website for customer X, one option is setup new server but it will be 100$ a month and one person working on it for 2-4 days to have configuration working and tested". Setting up separate server is not interesting part for business. Setting up server for me is interesting part because I have to put it in the context of our infrastructure, what rights should be assigned to that server, what packages I need to install on it.

black-tea 8y ago

Sigh. I suppose another batch of engineers will read this and start participating in rounds of bullshit instead of just doing what is clearly the right thing to do. If there are options, present options. If you know only one good way to do it, just say so.

sl1ck731 8y ago
As someone who has to continually push back against people who have the "one good way to do it", I'd prefer everything was presented as options. People make these statements in front of customers and then we have to dance around it to the next option. It takes a hint of introspection to know when you might not have all the bases covered in your head before pushing things out of your mouth. Saying something is an option at least can be interpreted as not being fully sure at this second, whereas saying "we have to do this" and being wrong just makes you look incompetent as a representative of my team.
JshWright 8y ago
Not doing something is still an "option".
sopooneo 8y ago
I've had situations where I think one path forward is the clearly only sane option. But because I was told years ago to present options I say, "Okay, option X will will take a week to set up and cost $100 a month. Option Y will take three months to setup and cost $20,000 a month." But management doesn't bat an eye, they reply "Oh great! No problem, we'll get you the budget for option Y." And while I fight to keep my chin from hitting the floor, they sign off on the funds and move on the next item on the meeting agenda. And what do I care? My conscience is clear because I presented the facts as I know them. And we get staff and budget as needed. Maybe there was some political motivation I didn't know, maybe the exec wanted to justify higher budget. Fine. I did my job and things move on.

abainbridge 8y ago

Agreed. > Avoid picking favorite solutions and presenting them as the clear winner or only option. That depends how stupid the management is. I remember when an ex-colleague of mine was designing a big complex thing (a mixed signal ASIC, if you care). He was a mere engineer. All the big decisions had to have management approval. But the management didn't understand much about how the complex thing worked. He tried the, "we must do this and that" approach, without success. He eventually figured out that he needed to present options. But it didn't seem to matter if all but one of the options were stupid. As long as there was a graph showing one option being better than the others, then the management could chose the option with the big score and feel like they were in control. Moral - Figuring out how to control your boss is a good strategy but probably only works if you are cleverer than they are. I prefer having a boss who is clever than me and when I say, "we must do this", they explain why that's a stupid idea.

cube00 8y ago

The nice thing about presenting options along with their pros and cons is the option accepted by management also has its attached cons explicitly accepted too (often in writing)

rsp1984 8y ago

Given the support for this answer I will likely get downvoted for this, but I disagree with this advice. I am a co-founder (and CTO) of a small company myself and hence get to talk to the folks in my company quite regularly. I disagree with the notion that passion or personal preference doesn't belong in a decision-making process. Not only does it belong there, it is even a critical part of it, assuming of course that you have good arguments to make for your point and convey it in a respectful and professional manner. Having passion and personal preference displays that you are engaged in your job and identify with the work that you do and aren't afraid to speak your mind, which requires a certain level of trust. Even more, you were hired precisely because the company came to the conclusion that it can benefit from your (uncensored) input. It sure depends on the context but presenting your thoughts as "one option is to...", is a marker that you are indifferent to the outcome. It generally does not display trust, confidence or engagement. So, if your manager is worth her/his money he/she can handle strong opinions just fine and will also consider other viewpoints than yours in the decision making process. W.r.t. "talk like a leader, not like an engineer", king_panic has the best answer IMO.

Topolomancer 8y ago
I disagree. Talking about options is _not_ a black-and-white issue, and I feel that seeing this as being indifferent is somewhat of a stretch. Why not outline the options and their respective consequences (as far as you can observe them) as objectively as possible? Here's an example: 'One option is to do it this way. This has the following advantages. Moreover, we could also do it that way. This will likely result in ...' And of course you _can_ give your preference---but you should be upfront about this. For example: 'Personally, I think it might be worth to pursue option 1 more because of ...' Strong opinions are one thing, but being capable of seeing alternatives is also very, very valid. Not every [business] decision has _one_ easy answer. (disclaimer: I am talking about my experience with academic teams inside academia; this is not 100% transferable to the business world, I would wager)
- vvanders 8y ago
  Yeah, the other thing to consider is that as you go up the chain the people you're talking to have more context across the business and may know something you don't. Outlining options with consequences helps them make the right decision in the macro. I've have many decisions from the technical side that made sense but we're absolutely the wrong choice once I had more context around what other teams planned or the business constraints.

HenryBemis 8y ago

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. So, when talking to C-levels/suite, speak as they do. Listen to them for 10mins, and mirror the language. C-suite need to say 10 things in 1 line. When speaking technical the opposite happens. Speaking 10 lines to explain 1 thing. Keep in mind, they don't expand. They compress/winzip/winrar. The above 'option' is a great manner and I will change this in my vocabulary starting today!

hartator 8y ago

Not sure if I agree. When you give options, you can still have a strong preference for one or the other. Like logo A v. Logo B. It can be passive agressive to make one option looks very good and the other looks like shit. Whereas a transparent conversation will be, I really like option A, but at the end of the day is your area of responsability and if you want to do option B it’s perfectly fine.

m33k44 8y ago

The way I do it is mention the options and my preferred option with the justification on why my preference is better. That shows that I have thought through the problem and possible solutions carefully.