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You are very fortunate that your parents could help you raise your first kid. That is not something universally available and my first year as a parent was very

You are very fortunate that your parents could help you raise your first kid. That is not something universally available and my first year as a parent was very rough.

ddingus 8y ago
Well, I am the parent of 4. Youngest fathered a child with a loser. They are both a mess. So. Looks like I am gonna raise my grandaughter. On the plus side, she is perfect. Good thing. Parenting is harder than it was the first time. Need energy! More plz
rayiner 8y ago
It was fortunate, but I don’t think it was particularly fortunate. The average American lives 18 miles from their mother: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/12/24/upshot/24up-family.html https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/12/24/upshot/24up-f.... The reason I bring up grandparents is because OP’s post struck me as pretty ignorant of the circumstances of the people (disproportionately lower income), who are actually having kids in this country: > The data reveal a country of close-knit families, with members of multiple generations leaning on one another for financial and practical support. Raising kids is not that hard and nearly everyone does it. We don’t need counselors telling people not to have kids until they can meet whatever criteria upper middle class people think are a necessary prerequisite for raising children. They need cheaper daycares to make life a little easier.
- jelliclesfarm 8y ago
  ‘Raising kids is not hard’: <<<that’s a pretty unverifiable claim. After reading some of the comments here, I have changed my mind. I now feel like it’s not just counseling, but prospective parents should be given a written and oral test and must obtain a child license before they can have children who will have to be supported by public monies. (Change My Mind)
- grigjd3 8y ago
  I'm not saying having kids is unnatural or anything, but I'd have been damned grateful to have a single night off every eight weeks after my child was born. Having capable grandparents around is a terrific benefit. You're right that even just a little help would have made a world of difference, but my wife and I didn't have that.
  - jelliclesfarm 8y ago
    I was raised by my grandmother with a brood of cousins and all her children lived under the same roof. I did not know that nuclear families were the norm and that not every family was as large as ours until I was well into my teens. I think that being raised the way I was had a very positive impact on me. It wasn’t just having so many adults around but also having cousins who were sibling like and of various ages as peers to learn from and also to teach... Plus there was the ‘grandmother effect’. I had always considered myself as a rather staid somewhat conservative person with orthodox views of my own volition. Until I realized that ‘feminists’ considered my views as fringe. That’s the ‘grandmother effect’..a matriarchal upbringing is entirely different from a feminist upbringing. The former is about freedom/owning power and the latter is about competition/struggle(in my understanding) Every family needs a support system. And every human person does NOT have to be a parent. Parenting is a big scary and A Very Important Job. I am reminded of Robert Wright’s Moral Animal where he beckons altruism and the chapter on kinship. That’s the ‘grandmother effect’. It’s a topic worthy of a proper thesis.

You are very fortunate that your parents could help you raise your first kid. That is not something universally available and my first year as a parent was very rough.

ddingus 8y ago

Well, I am the parent of 4. Youngest fathered a child with a loser. They are both a mess. So. Looks like I am gonna raise my grandaughter. On the plus side, she is perfect. Good thing. Parenting is harder than it was the first time. Need energy! More plz

rayiner 8y ago

It was fortunate, but I don’t think it was particularly fortunate. The average American lives 18 miles from their mother: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/12/24/upshot/24up-family.html https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/12/24/upshot/24up-f.... The reason I bring up grandparents is because OP’s post struck me as pretty ignorant of the circumstances of the people (disproportionately lower income), who are actually having kids in this country: > The data reveal a country of close-knit families, with members of multiple generations leaning on one another for financial and practical support. Raising kids is not that hard and nearly everyone does it. We don’t need counselors telling people not to have kids until they can meet whatever criteria upper middle class people think are a necessary prerequisite for raising children. They need cheaper daycares to make life a little easier.

jelliclesfarm 8y ago
‘Raising kids is not hard’: <<<that’s a pretty unverifiable claim. After reading some of the comments here, I have changed my mind. I now feel like it’s not just counseling, but prospective parents should be given a written and oral test and must obtain a child license before they can have children who will have to be supported by public monies. (Change My Mind)
grigjd3 8y ago
I'm not saying having kids is unnatural or anything, but I'd have been damned grateful to have a single night off every eight weeks after my child was born. Having capable grandparents around is a terrific benefit. You're right that even just a little help would have made a world of difference, but my wife and I didn't have that.
- jelliclesfarm 8y ago
  I was raised by my grandmother with a brood of cousins and all her children lived under the same roof. I did not know that nuclear families were the norm and that not every family was as large as ours until I was well into my teens. I think that being raised the way I was had a very positive impact on me. It wasn’t just having so many adults around but also having cousins who were sibling like and of various ages as peers to learn from and also to teach... Plus there was the ‘grandmother effect’. I had always considered myself as a rather staid somewhat conservative person with orthodox views of my own volition. Until I realized that ‘feminists’ considered my views as fringe. That’s the ‘grandmother effect’..a matriarchal upbringing is entirely different from a feminist upbringing. The former is about freedom/owning power and the latter is about competition/struggle(in my understanding) Every family needs a support system. And every human person does NOT have to be a parent. Parenting is a big scary and A Very Important Job. I am reminded of Robert Wright’s Moral Animal where he beckons altruism and the chapter on kinship. That’s the ‘grandmother effect’. It’s a topic worthy of a proper thesis.