There's a lot that's not right here. It's obviously corruption. I sincerely wish that the author had written a clear, concise article about what happened. I'm

There's a lot that's not right here. It's obviously corruption. I sincerely wish that the author had written a clear, concise article about what happened. I'm not certain the article as written has a point except that she's sad. Your paragraph here tells me more about what matters in this piece than the piece does, though I remember each of those details from my initial reading. They don't come together in the piece. If you want to actually signal-boost this you might suggest to her that improving the signal-to-noise ratio would do a lot of good. Too much Wired magazine styling, too little exposition.