4 ms·
I think part of the appeal of Tindr/Plenty of Fish/etc. for a lot of people is how you can do the initial interacting online. I'm not saying that it isn't bette
by el_cujo 8y ago
I think part of the appeal of Tindr/Plenty of Fish/etc. for a lot of people is how you can do the initial interacting online. I'm not saying that it isn't better for the actual people/relationship to have the first encounter be in person, I just feel like a lot of people like online dating for that exact purpose, whether its simply due to convenience (can talk to/filter through matches from home) or being too socially awkward to be comfortable with meeting someone in person that you haven't gotten to know a little bit ahead of time. Moreover, the people who are most at ease with asserting themselves with strangers probably don't need the app, as the only utility it really provides is targets.
However, if like another poster said, only women can see the "targets" and the onus is on them to make the first move, then I can see this app having utility as it can be a way for men to make themselves available to an in person interaction without feeling like they'll come off as predatory by making the first move (and likewise allowing women to encounter men in person without having to worry that every man in the room will think she's inviting interaction). But it isn't readily apparent that the app works that way.
- overcast 8y agoPeople interact on Tinder? News to me! I thought everyone just went on there to collect matches.
- CapricornNoble 8y agoCollect matches? More like connect bedpost notches. If your (and I'm speaking generally to HN, not you directly) Tinder matches have a low conversion rate to hook-ups, you: -need more attractive/higher-quality photos -need to revise your seduction-by-text techniques (get their phone#/WhatsApp#/whatever, build a little rapport, move the conversation OFF of Tinder ASAP, arrange a face-to-face low-pressure coffee "date", etc...) -need to try a different geographic area (some areas just have a terrible dating market, even on Tinder)
- thaumasiotes 8y ago> I'm not saying that it isn't better for the actual people/relationship to have the first encounter be in person, I just feel like a lot of people like online dating for that exact purpose Self-Made Man: One Woman's Year Disguised as a Man ( https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143038702/ https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143038702/ ) has quite a few interesting things to say. Relevant here are the author's observations on dating: she writes that she expected to have a lot of success as a "boyfriend" with her insight into the female mind. That didn't happen -- women picked up on her lack of masculinity and in general weren't happy with it... in person. But she did experience staggering success in the pre-first-date courtship portion of online dating, allowing her to get dates at rates much superior to what a real man would expect. Online, the women apparently didn't have a good sense of what they wanted. Your observation reminded me of that -- people preferring a certain approach even though it's actively counterproductive.