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> For seven months, I didn’t leave the house. I had started ordering my groceries online. I didn’t have any reason to go anywhere. I wasn’t agoraphobic or afrai

> For seven months, I didn’t leave the house. I had started ordering my groceries online. I didn’t have any reason to go anywhere. I wasn’t agoraphobic or afraid to leave my apartment. I just didn’t feel like it. This has been me for the last few months. I just can't bring myself to do things I hate lately. I hate breathing cold, dry winter air and feeling it on my face, I hate being accosted on the street for cash, I hate the loud construction noise, I hate navigating through crowds of people and cars, I hate the overwhelming smells from exhaust and food trucks. I was able to deal with it for a while because I knew the expectations that came with living in a city like Seattle. It's just that the downsides are so many, and the upsides are so few. I want to preserve the facilities I have for doing things that I like and that allow me to make a living. I'm hoping an upcoming move I've got planned will make it more pleasurable to engage with other people more regularly, but protecting my well-being still has to come first. I'm so incredibly fortunate to have a career that allows me enough income to offload menial things like shopping for groceries. I feel terrible for those of us on the spectrum without that option, as if I couldn't live this way I would end up being entirely dependent on my spouse or family. I can imagine that burning out + feeling guilty about being a burden financially makes recovery from that state even more difficult.

tricolon 8y ago
Where (or to what kind of area) are you moving? Will you drive?
- sudosteph 8y ago
  Raleigh NC, it's a little slower-paced down there - plus warmer and sunnier. I'm hoping to get a place near the college or downtown for walkability, but will probably still end up spending a little more time in the car. Luckily my spouse doesn't mind driving. Though they do have instacart and prime now these days too, so I'll have options. I've lived there before and the only big downside then was the career growth opportunities, but I've got a sweet remote gig now, so that's covered.
  - bitcoinmoney 8y ago
    How much does remote gig pay you?
    - sudosteph 8y ago
      Don't like to go into specifics online - but same amount as I've been offered for a senior devops position in NYC (not financial tech to be clear, but the offer was still solid from my research). So it's a good deal for me.
jpernst 8y ago
Also from the Seattle area and this hits home as well, except I am a bit agoraphobic and need to build up courage to go out. I used to push myself to go to dev meetups and such, even gave a few presentations, but eventually stopped. The emotional cost of going was high, and when I would get back home feeling wiped out and reflecting on it, I realized I actually gained very little from the experience. All the socializing was just hollow small talk and no lasting connections were ever formed. Interest-based meetups I've found to generally be transient, ephemeral, and unfulfilling for those who can't muster the enormous social buy-in to get any meaningful results. Volunteer work was more satisfying, but also fleeting and temporary. On the plus side I did gain experience in public speaking and discovered it really doesn't bother me (although the mingling afterwards is social anxiety hell). Unfortunately that skill on its own isn't terribly useful. > I feel terrible for those of us on the spectrum without that option, as if I couldn't live this way I would end up being entirely dependent on my spouse or family. I can imagine that burning out + feeling guilty about being a burden financially makes recovery from that state even more difficult. It is. I was swinging a remote-work career and doing the whole order-groceries-online shut-in routine as well. Eventually I succumbed to burnout for a host of reasons and the career crumbled to dust. Extended unemployment pulls you in like quicksand and I've been out of work for over a year now. I live in a converted tool shed in my parents back yard, and the guilt and shame is crushing. The erosion of self esteem saps your will to improve yourself, creating a vicious circle. My last recourse at this point is to try to use this as an opportunity for learning and personal enrichment. While working I was myopically focused on programming and industry issues, and utterly ignored the wider world. I'm now trying to rectify that by reading more about philosophy, politics, history, etc. There's so much more to the world than tech or vocation, and I regret ignoring that for so long. My advice to anyone in this situation is to, as much as your circumstances permit, expose yourself to a wider range of culture and find value and human dignity in ways other than your potential for capital generation. The value of a life is not measured in dollars, and don't let the world convince you that it is. It feels like this is becoming a blog post or something, so I'll stop. Needless to say this topic hits home for me, as it seems to for many others here.
- sudosteph 8y ago
  I'm sorry you had to go through that, but also happy you were able to take the time to learn more about yourself and the world. That experience is unfortunately still too hard to come by these days, though many individuals desperately need it. I agree entirely with your conclusion. That is frankly another reason I'm leaving. The connections I've made here around tech (and other hobbies) are largely shallow and unfulfilling. I feel like all my income got eaten up by rent, and bad habits I justified as coping mechanisms. I can save up and use the money to actually build something back home (NC) to help people there in tangible ways. I do hope I find some time to catch a breather at some point so I can dedicate myself to that type of effort completely. Thanks for sharing your experience and findings. I wish you well and hope you dont dwell on that regret. We all have to learn how wrong we have been sooner or later. I know I have. It's an unfortunate necessity of developing into a better person. Still sucks though.
throwaway5d097 8y ago
I've been unemployed for two years after graduating, plus a short tense stint at a fast food place. It's hard to write any software. All I do is read HN and about technologies without actually doing anything. Have had several medical professionals "really think" I am autistic, but none were qualified to diagnose. It's way too hard to find paid work. If I could earn minimum wage by coding simple, small systems, I would be so happy.
- sudosteph 8y ago
  Can you find work in a tangential field like software or systems support / troubleshooting ? It's not as sexy or well-paid as software engineering, but working tickets gives you clearly defined work accomplishments that can show off your troubleshooting skills. And I learned that talking to customers isn't actually the worst thing - you basically learn a script and stick to it. You will still burn out after a year or so, but it's an easier resume pivot to dev work than other non-industry gigs.
  - throwaway5d097 8y ago
    Maybe, thanks. I'll look into it.
  - throwaway93889 8y ago
    I started my career writing automated tests, and have also had a development job where developers did support. If I couldn't be paid to code, I'd much much rather do manual QA than support. My manual QA colleagues at my first job were all highly intelligent people without much formal education, and the ones interested in programming had the option to move into automated QA.
    - sudosteph 8y ago
      Yep, QA is a good option too. Personally, I enjoyed the heck out of my support gigs though (first IT Support for a college, then AWS engineering support) - found QA to be a pretty boring the one time I did a bit at an internship. If I'm being honest, I think I loved the urgency and feeling like a hero when I solve a customer's problem - and I liked that problems changed frequently. I tend to work pretty well under pressure though. If the commenter above is able to keep themselves motivated doing QA / is not into working under tight time/urgency pressures, I can see QA being a better fit for them. But Support can open plenty of doors, and I've known a few other autism spectrum folks who did very well at it and moved up the ladder to dev or devops roles.

tricolon 8y ago

Where (or to what kind of area) are you moving? Will you drive?

sudosteph 8y ago
Raleigh NC, it's a little slower-paced down there - plus warmer and sunnier. I'm hoping to get a place near the college or downtown for walkability, but will probably still end up spending a little more time in the car. Luckily my spouse doesn't mind driving. Though they do have instacart and prime now these days too, so I'll have options. I've lived there before and the only big downside then was the career growth opportunities, but I've got a sweet remote gig now, so that's covered.
- bitcoinmoney 8y ago
  How much does remote gig pay you?
  - sudosteph 8y ago
    Don't like to go into specifics online - but same amount as I've been offered for a senior devops position in NYC (not financial tech to be clear, but the offer was still solid from my research). So it's a good deal for me.

jpernst 8y ago

Also from the Seattle area and this hits home as well, except I am a bit agoraphobic and need to build up courage to go out. I used to push myself to go to dev meetups and such, even gave a few presentations, but eventually stopped. The emotional cost of going was high, and when I would get back home feeling wiped out and reflecting on it, I realized I actually gained very little from the experience. All the socializing was just hollow small talk and no lasting connections were ever formed. Interest-based meetups I've found to generally be transient, ephemeral, and unfulfilling for those who can't muster the enormous social buy-in to get any meaningful results. Volunteer work was more satisfying, but also fleeting and temporary. On the plus side I did gain experience in public speaking and discovered it really doesn't bother me (although the mingling afterwards is social anxiety hell). Unfortunately that skill on its own isn't terribly useful. > I feel terrible for those of us on the spectrum without that option, as if I couldn't live this way I would end up being entirely dependent on my spouse or family. I can imagine that burning out + feeling guilty about being a burden financially makes recovery from that state even more difficult. It is. I was swinging a remote-work career and doing the whole order-groceries-online shut-in routine as well. Eventually I succumbed to burnout for a host of reasons and the career crumbled to dust. Extended unemployment pulls you in like quicksand and I've been out of work for over a year now. I live in a converted tool shed in my parents back yard, and the guilt and shame is crushing. The erosion of self esteem saps your will to improve yourself, creating a vicious circle. My last recourse at this point is to try to use this as an opportunity for learning and personal enrichment. While working I was myopically focused on programming and industry issues, and utterly ignored the wider world. I'm now trying to rectify that by reading more about philosophy, politics, history, etc. There's so much more to the world than tech or vocation, and I regret ignoring that for so long. My advice to anyone in this situation is to, as much as your circumstances permit, expose yourself to a wider range of culture and find value and human dignity in ways other than your potential for capital generation. The value of a life is not measured in dollars, and don't let the world convince you that it is. It feels like this is becoming a blog post or something, so I'll stop. Needless to say this topic hits home for me, as it seems to for many others here.

sudosteph 8y ago
I'm sorry you had to go through that, but also happy you were able to take the time to learn more about yourself and the world. That experience is unfortunately still too hard to come by these days, though many individuals desperately need it. I agree entirely with your conclusion. That is frankly another reason I'm leaving. The connections I've made here around tech (and other hobbies) are largely shallow and unfulfilling. I feel like all my income got eaten up by rent, and bad habits I justified as coping mechanisms. I can save up and use the money to actually build something back home (NC) to help people there in tangible ways. I do hope I find some time to catch a breather at some point so I can dedicate myself to that type of effort completely. Thanks for sharing your experience and findings. I wish you well and hope you dont dwell on that regret. We all have to learn how wrong we have been sooner or later. I know I have. It's an unfortunate necessity of developing into a better person. Still sucks though.

throwaway5d097 8y ago

I've been unemployed for two years after graduating, plus a short tense stint at a fast food place. It's hard to write any software. All I do is read HN and about technologies without actually doing anything. Have had several medical professionals "really think" I am autistic, but none were qualified to diagnose. It's way too hard to find paid work. If I could earn minimum wage by coding simple, small systems, I would be so happy.

sudosteph 8y ago
Can you find work in a tangential field like software or systems support / troubleshooting ? It's not as sexy or well-paid as software engineering, but working tickets gives you clearly defined work accomplishments that can show off your troubleshooting skills. And I learned that talking to customers isn't actually the worst thing - you basically learn a script and stick to it. You will still burn out after a year or so, but it's an easier resume pivot to dev work than other non-industry gigs.
- throwaway5d097 8y ago
  Maybe, thanks. I'll look into it.
- throwaway93889 8y ago
  I started my career writing automated tests, and have also had a development job where developers did support. If I couldn't be paid to code, I'd much much rather do manual QA than support. My manual QA colleagues at my first job were all highly intelligent people without much formal education, and the ones interested in programming had the option to move into automated QA.
  - sudosteph 8y ago
    Yep, QA is a good option too. Personally, I enjoyed the heck out of my support gigs though (first IT Support for a college, then AWS engineering support) - found QA to be a pretty boring the one time I did a bit at an internship. If I'm being honest, I think I loved the urgency and feeling like a hero when I solve a customer's problem - and I liked that problems changed frequently. I tend to work pretty well under pressure though. If the commenter above is able to keep themselves motivated doing QA / is not into working under tight time/urgency pressures, I can see QA being a better fit for them. But Support can open plenty of doors, and I've known a few other autism spectrum folks who did very well at it and moved up the ladder to dev or devops roles.