6 ms·

I agree with most of your points, but this is a broad assumption that is likely not true "People whose weddings are a BBQ in the backyard aren't signing up for

by giarc 8y ago

I agree with most of your points, but this is a broad assumption that is likely not true "People whose weddings are a BBQ in the backyard aren't signing up for wedding websites and subscribing to wedding magazines."

astura 8y ago
People who are looking to spend money sign up for wedding websites and spend months wedding planning and their free time talking about wedding planning online; people who are looking to have a basic celebration don't get anything from hanging around a wedding website. Picking up a cake from the grocery store bakery hardly requires extensive planning. My wedding reception was a huge party at our house (we have a big house that can accommodate tons of people) and the total cost was maybe $300(?) in food and booze, perhaps a little more, but definitely less than $500. If our house wasn't big enough renting the Italian American Club that's down the street for a day couldn't cost more than a few hundred dollars. The ceremony itself was just the two of us signing some papers in an office at city hall the total cost $100 for the JP and ~$30 for the registration fee. I couldn't imagine signing up for wedding website. Why on earth would I want to? What would I get from it? "inspiration" for toppings on the pizza we ordered? A discussion on the merits of cherry tomatoes vs grape tomatoes in the toss salad?
- Broken_Hippo 8y ago
  I can't agree more. I had plenty of time to plan a wedding. I knew I was getting married: After all, I moved to a different country a few weeks later. But what the heck would I use a bridal magazine for? Why would I want to sign up for a wedding website? We didn't even have presents nor a ceremony. Just some folks together in my mothers backyard. Granted, we sorely missed out on having folks come in costume, but that's quite alright.
  - analog31 8y ago
    People start reading bridal magazines years before they get married. They are treated to splendid weddings of celebrities and in the movies. They've seen the best and worst of wedding events. In addition to magazines, there are wedding industry shows in every town, where vendors show off their wares. Disclaimer: My spouse and I also missed out on a hollywood wedding -- we were in grad school at the time, and didn't want to spend any of our families' money. And I am now in the wedding industry, as a musician playing in what I would call "low budget" bands, typically for people who are on their second wedding.
    - Broken_Hippo 8y ago
      Ah, wow. Reading them years before they get married never really occurred to me. I have never really been into weddings and the surrounding ceremony I guess. I am on my second marriage and honestly did more for the second than the first (the first was a simple courthouse wedding, no reception). I would mention here that I really don't think I "missed out" on the whole fancy wedding, but "luckily was able to avoid it" :)
- AlexTWithBeard 8y ago
  Same thing here. $300 for the wedding. The money saved went towards mortgage downpayment.
- onemoresoop 8y ago
  We are living in a increasingly narcissistic culture, and theoretically wasting a huge amount of money which could be used in infinitely more practical ways is buying people one thing more and more people crave for, narcissistic supply.
- jfengel 8y ago
  I think the category of "people who want to spend a lot of time planning their wedding" is a large enough category to merit a name. Perhaps not as broad a name as "the wedding industry", since as you show it's quite easy to disrupt that. But a lot of people do sign up for these web sites. I don't think it's too hard to understand why. A lot of it is cultural inertia, some of it rather sexist. There's a strong notion that this is "her day", as if the rest of her life is going to be "somebody else's day". But even if she does escape the worst of the indoctrination, there are a lot of people who want to plan a once-in-a-lifetime party for a once-in-a-lifetime (hopefully) event. The dream about that is on par with dreaming about what you'll do with your lottery tickets, or planning your next vacation, enjoyable on its own merits even aside from the event itself. Not everybody will buy into that; clearly you didn't. But I don't think it's unreasonable that other people do. It's just another form of entertainment.
- giarc 8y ago
  Wedding websites are much more than just an avenue to spend money. This would include money saving things like online invitations and RSVPs. Someone having a backyard wedding may want to get decoration ideas, for example, this article from theknot.com (https://www.theknot.com/content/backyard-wedding-ideas https://www.theknot.com/content/backyard-wedding-ideas). So I think the general spirit of your assessment is correct, I still think it's a false assumption. Also, where do you live that you can supply food and booze for a huge party for $300?! :)
  - ghaff 8y ago
    That does seem especially frugal. Not that I have a lot of even middling large parties but, if I had a nice party with 30 or 40 people, I'd probably spend in the neighborhood of $300 even doing everything myself.

by giarc 8y ago

astura 8y ago

People who are looking to spend money sign up for wedding websites and spend months wedding planning and their free time talking about wedding planning online; people who are looking to have a basic celebration don't get anything from hanging around a wedding website. Picking up a cake from the grocery store bakery hardly requires extensive planning. My wedding reception was a huge party at our house (we have a big house that can accommodate tons of people) and the total cost was maybe $300(?) in food and booze, perhaps a little more, but definitely less than $500. If our house wasn't big enough renting the Italian American Club that's down the street for a day couldn't cost more than a few hundred dollars. The ceremony itself was just the two of us signing some papers in an office at city hall the total cost $100 for the JP and ~$30 for the registration fee. I couldn't imagine signing up for wedding website. Why on earth would I want to? What would I get from it? "inspiration" for toppings on the pizza we ordered? A discussion on the merits of cherry tomatoes vs grape tomatoes in the toss salad?

Broken_Hippo 8y ago
I can't agree more. I had plenty of time to plan a wedding. I knew I was getting married: After all, I moved to a different country a few weeks later. But what the heck would I use a bridal magazine for? Why would I want to sign up for a wedding website? We didn't even have presents nor a ceremony. Just some folks together in my mothers backyard. Granted, we sorely missed out on having folks come in costume, but that's quite alright.
- analog31 8y ago
  People start reading bridal magazines years before they get married. They are treated to splendid weddings of celebrities and in the movies. They've seen the best and worst of wedding events. In addition to magazines, there are wedding industry shows in every town, where vendors show off their wares. Disclaimer: My spouse and I also missed out on a hollywood wedding -- we were in grad school at the time, and didn't want to spend any of our families' money. And I am now in the wedding industry, as a musician playing in what I would call "low budget" bands, typically for people who are on their second wedding.
  - Broken_Hippo 8y ago
    Ah, wow. Reading them years before they get married never really occurred to me. I have never really been into weddings and the surrounding ceremony I guess. I am on my second marriage and honestly did more for the second than the first (the first was a simple courthouse wedding, no reception). I would mention here that I really don't think I "missed out" on the whole fancy wedding, but "luckily was able to avoid it" :)
AlexTWithBeard 8y ago
Same thing here. $300 for the wedding. The money saved went towards mortgage downpayment.
onemoresoop 8y ago
We are living in a increasingly narcissistic culture, and theoretically wasting a huge amount of money which could be used in infinitely more practical ways is buying people one thing more and more people crave for, narcissistic supply.
jfengel 8y ago
I think the category of "people who want to spend a lot of time planning their wedding" is a large enough category to merit a name. Perhaps not as broad a name as "the wedding industry", since as you show it's quite easy to disrupt that. But a lot of people do sign up for these web sites. I don't think it's too hard to understand why. A lot of it is cultural inertia, some of it rather sexist. There's a strong notion that this is "her day", as if the rest of her life is going to be "somebody else's day". But even if she does escape the worst of the indoctrination, there are a lot of people who want to plan a once-in-a-lifetime party for a once-in-a-lifetime (hopefully) event. The dream about that is on par with dreaming about what you'll do with your lottery tickets, or planning your next vacation, enjoyable on its own merits even aside from the event itself. Not everybody will buy into that; clearly you didn't. But I don't think it's unreasonable that other people do. It's just another form of entertainment.
giarc 8y ago
Wedding websites are much more than just an avenue to spend money. This would include money saving things like online invitations and RSVPs. Someone having a backyard wedding may want to get decoration ideas, for example, this article from theknot.com (https://www.theknot.com/content/backyard-wedding-ideas https://www.theknot.com/content/backyard-wedding-ideas). So I think the general spirit of your assessment is correct, I still think it's a false assumption. Also, where do you live that you can supply food and booze for a huge party for $300?! :)
- ghaff 8y ago
  That does seem especially frugal. Not that I have a lot of even middling large parties but, if I had a nice party with 30 or 40 people, I'd probably spend in the neighborhood of $300 even doing everything myself.