5 ms·

Because weddings are based on emotions, not based on money or logic. The average wedding in San Francisco is $80,000, which is fucking insane. But it's just how

Because weddings are based on emotions, not based on money or logic. The average wedding in San Francisco is $80,000, which is fucking insane. But it's just how it is, and you won't get someone to change that with "facts". Many things can get disrupted, but when the entire industry is based on emotions, you can't change people's minds.

snarf21 8y ago
Exactly this. They are buying a fantasy, a dream. Who wants a $500 dream? They are only doing this once and it is the most important day of their entire life so money should be no object!
- ekovarski 8y ago
  Even the "doing this once" is us giving into our emotions and assuming that absolutely nothing can go wrong in marriage. “Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert
  - landryraccoon 8y ago
    Engaged couples have to give in to those emotions though, or the entire fiction of marriage falls apart. If people seriously thought the risk of a marriage going wrong was significant why would they ever get married? So anyone who actually goes through with the wedding has to be completely emotionally all in already. Arguing against giving into emotions is tantamount to arguing they shouldn't get married in the first place.
    - astura 8y ago
      I don't think this is accurate. The risk of business failure is similar to the risk of divorce yet people don't consider starting a business a "fiction entirely based on irrational emotions." It's not, just like marriage is not. And since more unmarried couples split up than married couples, you're actually arguing against romantic relationships entirely. Using this logic, since you usually lose touch with many friends over the years, why have friends at all then? You're probably going to outlive your pet, so why get a pet at all if it's just going to die? Just because something ends doesn't mean it wasn't worth it for the time it lasted and even if it wasn't, taking some risk isn't entirely irrational.
      - ekovarski 8y ago
        +1
      - landryraccoon 8y ago
        I’m actually very sympathetic to your views, but I also don’t think that mainstream culture agrees with this at all. Take a look at these wedding vows, which I think are still representative : https://allseasonsweddings.com/wedding-ceremonies-readings/traditional-wedding-vow-full https://allseasonsweddings.com/wedding-ceremonies-readings/t... Do you think it’s at all common that engaged couples would be happy to give up the vow of lifelong commitment (literally until death) or that mainstream culture would agree with you? I highly doubt it. Whatever the pragmatic view you support, neither marriage vows, romantic comedies, disney movies or religion seems to go along with it.
- AnimalMuppet 8y ago
  I don't want a dream. I want a reality. I don't want one day; I want a lifetime. The point of a wedding is to get married, not to have a wedding. The building we got married in has been torn down. I lost my original wedding ring. The cake is long gone. My wife's dress sits in a cedar chest and has never been worn again. The developer lost our honeymoon pictures. Our marriage is still here. I think maybe the focus on the day can be a distraction from the lifetime. The day isn't what's going to make your marriage work.
mreome 8y ago
I’m honestly surprised yours is the only comment so far that mentions emotions in this discussion (I also didn’t see a mention of this in the article). I think this is a similar situation to the often extreme costs seen in the Death Care Industry (Funeral and Mortuary services), just with the opposite end of the emotional spectrum being taken advantage of. People get invested in what they think society sees as necessary or appropriate and are driven by an emotional high/low into not really thinking about what they (or their passed loved ones) really want. They are driven by the emotional state to ignore expense and do whatever they can to convince both themselves and others of their feelings/intent, be that the love and promise of a new marriage, or the love and respect for someone who has passed.
turc1656 8y ago
Also, status. Emotion + status = $$$$$. There's a sense of self-worth for a lot of women superimposed straight onto the event itself because everyone knows it's for the bride more than anything else. Don't have a big to-do with a lot of pomp and circumstance and she feels like she's not worth it.
0xADADA 8y ago
this x 1000. Decisions are not based on rationality, but totally based on emotions. Weddings, by their very nature are Affective Events. They are events that reproduce social relations and emotions in the attendees. As such, the decision making process is lead by emotions.
dboreham 8y ago
There's often a Principal/Agent problem too : the people deciding how fancy/big the wedding should be are not always the people supplying the funding. Then the funding folks have reputational risk from appearing "cheap" in the eyes of the Agents. This keeps them from limiting the funding.

snarf21 8y ago

Exactly this. They are buying a fantasy, a dream. Who wants a $500 dream? They are only doing this once and it is the most important day of their entire life so money should be no object!

ekovarski 8y ago
Even the "doing this once" is us giving into our emotions and assuming that absolutely nothing can go wrong in marriage. “Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert
- landryraccoon 8y ago
  Engaged couples have to give in to those emotions though, or the entire fiction of marriage falls apart. If people seriously thought the risk of a marriage going wrong was significant why would they ever get married? So anyone who actually goes through with the wedding has to be completely emotionally all in already. Arguing against giving into emotions is tantamount to arguing they shouldn't get married in the first place.
  - astura 8y ago
    I don't think this is accurate. The risk of business failure is similar to the risk of divorce yet people don't consider starting a business a "fiction entirely based on irrational emotions." It's not, just like marriage is not. And since more unmarried couples split up than married couples, you're actually arguing against romantic relationships entirely. Using this logic, since you usually lose touch with many friends over the years, why have friends at all then? You're probably going to outlive your pet, so why get a pet at all if it's just going to die? Just because something ends doesn't mean it wasn't worth it for the time it lasted and even if it wasn't, taking some risk isn't entirely irrational.
    - ekovarski 8y ago
      +1
    - landryraccoon 8y ago
      I’m actually very sympathetic to your views, but I also don’t think that mainstream culture agrees with this at all. Take a look at these wedding vows, which I think are still representative : https://allseasonsweddings.com/wedding-ceremonies-readings/traditional-wedding-vow-full https://allseasonsweddings.com/wedding-ceremonies-readings/t... Do you think it’s at all common that engaged couples would be happy to give up the vow of lifelong commitment (literally until death) or that mainstream culture would agree with you? I highly doubt it. Whatever the pragmatic view you support, neither marriage vows, romantic comedies, disney movies or religion seems to go along with it.
AnimalMuppet 8y ago
I don't want a dream. I want a reality. I don't want one day; I want a lifetime. The point of a wedding is to get married, not to have a wedding. The building we got married in has been torn down. I lost my original wedding ring. The cake is long gone. My wife's dress sits in a cedar chest and has never been worn again. The developer lost our honeymoon pictures. Our marriage is still here. I think maybe the focus on the day can be a distraction from the lifetime. The day isn't what's going to make your marriage work.

mreome 8y ago

I’m honestly surprised yours is the only comment so far that mentions emotions in this discussion (I also didn’t see a mention of this in the article). I think this is a similar situation to the often extreme costs seen in the Death Care Industry (Funeral and Mortuary services), just with the opposite end of the emotional spectrum being taken advantage of. People get invested in what they think society sees as necessary or appropriate and are driven by an emotional high/low into not really thinking about what they (or their passed loved ones) really want. They are driven by the emotional state to ignore expense and do whatever they can to convince both themselves and others of their feelings/intent, be that the love and promise of a new marriage, or the love and respect for someone who has passed.

turc1656 8y ago

Also, status. Emotion + status = $$$$$. There's a sense of self-worth for a lot of women superimposed straight onto the event itself because everyone knows it's for the bride more than anything else. Don't have a big to-do with a lot of pomp and circumstance and she feels like she's not worth it.

0xADADA 8y ago

this x 1000. Decisions are not based on rationality, but totally based on emotions. Weddings, by their very nature are Affective Events. They are events that reproduce social relations and emotions in the attendees. As such, the decision making process is lead by emotions.

dboreham 8y ago

There's often a Principal/Agent problem too : the people deciding how fancy/big the wedding should be are not always the people supplying the funding. Then the funding folks have reputational risk from appearing "cheap" in the eyes of the Agents. This keeps them from limiting the funding.