4 ms·

I don't think there is anyway to know if that's because you're female or not. It could be personality, politics, among many different factors. I think it's unfa

I don't think there is anyway to know if that's because you're female or not. It could be personality, politics, among many different factors. I think it's unfair to assume that people don't remember your name because you're a female. I've worked with people for almost a year without remembering their name, because I'm awful with names. They were also very quiet and introverted, rarely said much and I suspect that had something to do it.

roguecoder 8y ago
Hey, so I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but this comment sounds like gaslighting: a woman told you about her experience, and you immediately disbelieved her and told her she is not only incorrect about her experience but that it must be her fault for being "quiet and introverted"? I recommend starting out by assuming she has knowledge and experiences you don't have access to and learning from it, rather than trying to explain away this new information.
- llama052 8y ago
  I'm not trying to gaslight or explain anything away. I'm saying there is a multitude of factors as to why you'd be at work and someone wouldn't remember your name. I'm not blaming anyone, just trying to share another perspective. I personally think it's dangerous to think in black and white. I try to remain a healthy skeptic, and I'm welcome to new perspectives.
- xenihn 8y ago
  I really don't appreciate you misusing the term since I've had to deal with actual gaslighting in real life. You cannot be gaslit by some random stranger making a single post on the internet. This isn't an obsessed stalker that we're talking about here, it's just a one-off comment that will probably be glanced over and then never thought of again, if it's ever read at all. Gaslighting is something that happens over a long period of time, with someone you know well and that you trust. The person you are defending is not going to be questioning their sanity or who they are as a person because of one HN post. Asking someone to reconsider why they were treated a certain way by other people is not gaslighting. Calling someone a liar is not gaslighting. Countering someone's anecdotal evidence with your own is not gaslighting. Please stop trivializing the term, because it's a serious form of emotional and mental abuse, and you're downplaying its severity by tossing the word around like this.

roguecoder 8y ago

Hey, so I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but this comment sounds like gaslighting: a woman told you about her experience, and you immediately disbelieved her and told her she is not only incorrect about her experience but that it must be her fault for being "quiet and introverted"? I recommend starting out by assuming she has knowledge and experiences you don't have access to and learning from it, rather than trying to explain away this new information.

llama052 8y ago
I'm not trying to gaslight or explain anything away. I'm saying there is a multitude of factors as to why you'd be at work and someone wouldn't remember your name. I'm not blaming anyone, just trying to share another perspective. I personally think it's dangerous to think in black and white. I try to remain a healthy skeptic, and I'm welcome to new perspectives.
xenihn 8y ago
I really don't appreciate you misusing the term since I've had to deal with actual gaslighting in real life. You cannot be gaslit by some random stranger making a single post on the internet. This isn't an obsessed stalker that we're talking about here, it's just a one-off comment that will probably be glanced over and then never thought of again, if it's ever read at all. Gaslighting is something that happens over a long period of time, with someone you know well and that you trust. The person you are defending is not going to be questioning their sanity or who they are as a person because of one HN post. Asking someone to reconsider why they were treated a certain way by other people is not gaslighting. Calling someone a liar is not gaslighting. Countering someone's anecdotal evidence with your own is not gaslighting. Please stop trivializing the term, because it's a serious form of emotional and mental abuse, and you're downplaying its severity by tossing the word around like this.