4 ms·

1) Talk to a shrink. I'm not a big medication guy, so simply having an impartial, 3rd party can help. Plus, they know grief so they can help you find some str

by RBr 16y ago

1) Talk to a shrink. I'm not a big medication guy, so simply having an impartial, 3rd party can help. Plus, they know grief so they can help you find some strategies. 2) Channel your Father. I don't mean in some Psycho (movie) sort of way. I mean that likely without knowing it, you know what your father would have said for a long time. You could likely say "what would he have said" and have him there with you. Sometimes, writing questions and then answering them as if you were him can reveal the answer... and help. 3) Tell other people who your father was. Go out of your way to talk to people and when some advice pops into your head that your dad would have conveyed, relay that. If possible, mentor someone yourself. Passing on experience really lets folks live on. Even if the people you're passing stuff on to aren't related (like a son or daughter), mentoring people is as valuable for the mentor as the person being mentored.

bethling 16y ago
I fully agree with this - I lost my mom unexpectedly in July, and it's been tough. #1 can help a lot - therapists know the right questions to ask to help you start dealing with the grief in a healthy way - everyone is different, and if someone can help you start down your own personal path, it makes the road easier to find and a lot less bumpy.
- mattblalock 16y ago
  I'm so sorry. It's tough, for sure. :\
mattblalock 16y ago
#3, I'm not sure I'm ready to be the mentor, I'm only 23... two years out of school, all spent building a business.
- RBr 16y ago
  It doesn't need to be a full-time gig and age is inconsequential. The idea here is two fold. First, get out and talk to people. Retreating into a cave is the single worst mistake that people make. Force yourself to get out there and talk to people. It sounds like it might be good for you to go to a couple of local conferences / meetups in your area. Go to them regularly. Talk to people - convey your Father's advice. This way, you'll still feel connected to him. There are likely people who will appreciate your advice. Talk individually with these people (coffee, whatever), maybe sit on a steering board - whatever works. The idea here is that in doing this, you will not only be "getting out of your cave", but you'll be helping (mentoring) others and making a bad situation (even a little bit) better by passing on this valuable advice. Honestly though, this is the sort of stuff that a shink will help you with. Grief is 50% to 80% of a good shrink's job - you're not alone. They will be able to talk with you and give you waaaay better stuff than this to do.
wlievens 16y ago
I cannot stress #1 enough. Don't depend on your remaining loved ones to be your shrink. They're not. You'll risk damaging your relationship with them when you expect them to be.

by RBr 16y ago

bethling 16y ago

I fully agree with this - I lost my mom unexpectedly in July, and it's been tough. #1 can help a lot - therapists know the right questions to ask to help you start dealing with the grief in a healthy way - everyone is different, and if someone can help you start down your own personal path, it makes the road easier to find and a lot less bumpy.

mattblalock 16y ago
I'm so sorry. It's tough, for sure. :\

mattblalock 16y ago

#3, I'm not sure I'm ready to be the mentor, I'm only 23... two years out of school, all spent building a business.

RBr 16y ago
It doesn't need to be a full-time gig and age is inconsequential. The idea here is two fold. First, get out and talk to people. Retreating into a cave is the single worst mistake that people make. Force yourself to get out there and talk to people. It sounds like it might be good for you to go to a couple of local conferences / meetups in your area. Go to them regularly. Talk to people - convey your Father's advice. This way, you'll still feel connected to him. There are likely people who will appreciate your advice. Talk individually with these people (coffee, whatever), maybe sit on a steering board - whatever works. The idea here is that in doing this, you will not only be "getting out of your cave", but you'll be helping (mentoring) others and making a bad situation (even a little bit) better by passing on this valuable advice. Honestly though, this is the sort of stuff that a shink will help you with. Grief is 50% to 80% of a good shrink's job - you're not alone. They will be able to talk with you and give you waaaay better stuff than this to do.

wlievens 16y ago

I cannot stress #1 enough. Don't depend on your remaining loved ones to be your shrink. They're not. You'll risk damaging your relationship with them when you expect them to be.