9 ms·

This assumes the only way to persuade someone to change their minds is via unpleasant confrontation. In my experience this is very rarely needed. You're right t

This assumes the only way to persuade someone to change their minds is via unpleasant confrontation. In my experience this is very rarely needed. You're right that a lot of confidence is required though, but it is the type that is rooted in truth and humility (rather than confidence from convincing yourself how great you are).

zzzcpan 8y ago
But then abandoning some integrity to not manipulate people is not a high bar anymore.
- SketchySeaBeast 8y ago
  The very act of trying to convince someone is an act of manipulation, you can't divorce the two. Unless you're speaking simply to say your mind and without the desire to actually change something? Is that an act of integrity? Or is proclaiming what you believe for no other effect than to let people hear you an act of pride?
  - thatcat 8y ago
    Holding a divergant opinion and expressing it is not necessarily an act of pride or manipulation. To remain silent is often to implictly agree with an assumed group consensus.
    - TeMPOraL 8y ago
      Indeed. I'd say this is almost always the case. People apply Cunningham's Law without realizing it. That manager you hear confidently stating their project idea? There's a good chance they aren't really sure about it, but assume someone will push back if it's wrong. The same applies to behaviour; speaking back is often what it takes for the other person to back down from unethical behaviour.
  - PavlovsCat 8y ago
    > Is that an act of integrity? Or is proclaiming what you believe for no other effect than to let people hear you an act of pride? Being proud of one's integrity doesn't actually diminish it, except in the eyes of those who are looking for reasons to diminish or relabel it anyway.
- SolaceQuantum 8y ago
  Arguably, not considering strategic approaches in maintaining social ties and fostering greater community is also abandoning one's integrity as a social animal.

zzzcpan 8y ago

But then abandoning some integrity to not manipulate people is not a high bar anymore.

SketchySeaBeast 8y ago
The very act of trying to convince someone is an act of manipulation, you can't divorce the two. Unless you're speaking simply to say your mind and without the desire to actually change something? Is that an act of integrity? Or is proclaiming what you believe for no other effect than to let people hear you an act of pride?
- thatcat 8y ago
  Holding a divergant opinion and expressing it is not necessarily an act of pride or manipulation. To remain silent is often to implictly agree with an assumed group consensus.
  - TeMPOraL 8y ago
    Indeed. I'd say this is almost always the case. People apply Cunningham's Law without realizing it. That manager you hear confidently stating their project idea? There's a good chance they aren't really sure about it, but assume someone will push back if it's wrong. The same applies to behaviour; speaking back is often what it takes for the other person to back down from unethical behaviour.
- PavlovsCat 8y ago
  > Is that an act of integrity? Or is proclaiming what you believe for no other effect than to let people hear you an act of pride? Being proud of one's integrity doesn't actually diminish it, except in the eyes of those who are looking for reasons to diminish or relabel it anyway.
SolaceQuantum 8y ago
Arguably, not considering strategic approaches in maintaining social ties and fostering greater community is also abandoning one's integrity as a social animal.