2 ms·

Because the outcomes available to me have reduced from the three: "continue as before", "disappoint [person] in front me", or "feel upset about giving someone X

Because the outcomes available to me have reduced from the three: "continue as before", "disappoint [person] in front me", or "feel upset about giving someone X when I would have preferred not to", to only the last two. The first option, which could well have been the best outcome in my opinion, has been removed by the act of asking. Edit: changed the other individual to "person" to be clearer.

defen 16y ago
Well the pretty girl wasn't going to sleep with you anyway...perhaps you just need more practice talking to pretty girls until you realize they're mostly just regular people, too. I say this as someone who used to have the same problem.
- randallsquared 16y ago
  The "pretty girl" is just the example we're using from the post. I've changed this to make it clearer for you. Thanks.
jodrellblank 16y ago
What about politely refuse and still feel good (or, feel as before) and let person take care of their own disappointment or not?
- randallsquared 16y ago
  Because I do not want to become a person who doesn't care about his effect on others.
  - jodrellblank 16y ago
    If you think your refusal makes them sad, do you think you have a kind of telepathy? Isn't believing you control the outside world with your mind an indication of schizophrenia?
    - randallsquared 16y ago
      Is this really the path you want to go down?
      - jodrellblank 16y ago
        It's an illustration by absurdity that your thoughts are limiting you and making you unhappy, and that there are other ways to think which are still compatible with being a good person and a moral person. For as long as you hold in your head the belief that your refusal is what hurts people then you are going to be unhappy about being asked questions. If instead you held the belief that their expectations and demands in their head is what hurts them, then you would be free to accept or refuse politely and in good conscience, and still be able to be a person who "considers how he affects others". The fact that you cannot consider saying no is what makes a joke out of your comment "I don't want to be a person who doesn't care about his effect on others". At the moment you are forced to accept regardless of whether you care or not. Caring doesn't come into it, they ask and you force yourself to accept, you don't get to choose or consider. If you didn't force yourself to accept because you were no longer afraid that it was you hurting them, then you would be free to consider their request unpressured and respond however you felt like at the time, but still respond based on your morals and so on. At the moment you say you are someone who cares, but you act in a way that you ignore your consideration and decisions and marginalise your caring making it subservient to a fixed instruction. You say you don't want to be someone who doesn't care, but changing that part of you would free you up to be someone who can care and isn't forced to act one way or the other.

defen 16y ago

Well the pretty girl wasn't going to sleep with you anyway...perhaps you just need more practice talking to pretty girls until you realize they're mostly just regular people, too. I say this as someone who used to have the same problem.

randallsquared 16y ago
The "pretty girl" is just the example we're using from the post. I've changed this to make it clearer for you. Thanks.

jodrellblank 16y ago

What about politely refuse and still feel good (or, feel as before) and let person take care of their own disappointment or not?

randallsquared 16y ago
Because I do not want to become a person who doesn't care about his effect on others.
- jodrellblank 16y ago
  If you think your refusal makes them sad, do you think you have a kind of telepathy? Isn't believing you control the outside world with your mind an indication of schizophrenia?
  - randallsquared 16y ago
    Is this really the path you want to go down?
    - jodrellblank 16y ago
      It's an illustration by absurdity that your thoughts are limiting you and making you unhappy, and that there are other ways to think which are still compatible with being a good person and a moral person. For as long as you hold in your head the belief that your refusal is what hurts people then you are going to be unhappy about being asked questions. If instead you held the belief that their expectations and demands in their head is what hurts them, then you would be free to accept or refuse politely and in good conscience, and still be able to be a person who "considers how he affects others". The fact that you cannot consider saying no is what makes a joke out of your comment "I don't want to be a person who doesn't care about his effect on others". At the moment you are forced to accept regardless of whether you care or not. Caring doesn't come into it, they ask and you force yourself to accept, you don't get to choose or consider. If you didn't force yourself to accept because you were no longer afraid that it was you hurting them, then you would be free to consider their request unpressured and respond however you felt like at the time, but still respond based on your morals and so on. At the moment you say you are someone who cares, but you act in a way that you ignore your consideration and decisions and marginalise your caring making it subservient to a fixed instruction. You say you don't want to be someone who doesn't care, but changing that part of you would free you up to be someone who can care and isn't forced to act one way or the other.