You can't have a "self" without reference to an "other". When you say to yourself "I am a good programmer", it must be by comparison to all the other not-good

You can't have a "self" without reference to an "other". When you say to yourself "I am a good programmer", it must be by comparison to all the other not-good programmers. There is a subtle but very important difference between discernment (taste) and judgment (comparison). Discernment is about the integrated relationship/system or the impersonal action/outcome, rather than the actor/person/self. It is not just a semantic coincidence that framing things in "I" language tends strongly towards judgment. [I've reflected a lot on this topic but I'm not very good at expressing my understanding. Hopefully the above is helpful for what you were asking.]