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Perhaps calling it a “battle” or naming cancer the “enemy” gives some a cathartic way to cope with it. Gives one energy so to speak. My parents died of cancer a

Perhaps calling it a “battle” or naming cancer the “enemy” gives some a cathartic way to cope with it. Gives one energy so to speak. My parents died of cancer and I have lost several friends to it, and none of them used this terminology, but I imagine I will if it comes to it.

ljm 8y ago
It makes cancer an identity, and the cancer status subsumes their life as well as their body. Everything is about the cancer and how they deal with it.
- TomMarius 8y ago
  Doesn't that simply reflect their life and thoughts?
  - DoreenMichele 8y ago
    I think I kind of get the criticism. When you are told by a doctor that you have a thing and it's a very deadly thing, the psychological component -- for both you and everyone you deal with -- is huge. The specter of death and the battle with it can blot out the sun, so to speak. My experiences suggest that wresting your identity away from this pattern of thought is life giving and helps people survive in very practical terms. It's not voodoo magic. It strongly influences the mental models that drive your decision-making process. When people believe death is inevitable, they tend to make choices that help that become a self-fulfilling prophecy because they believe nothing they do will really matter anyway.
    - selestify 8y ago
      What are examples of such self fulfilling prophecies?
      - DoreenMichele 8y ago
        I used to spend a lot of time on chronic illness lists. I left all of them because it was a general truism that you couldn't talk about what worked since the absolute sickest people who had the most and worst horror stories were the same people who would outright mock things like removing carpeting from the house and going to all wood and tile floors or making dietary changes. They were extremely dismissive of the idea that anything made a real difference and they insisted they couldn't be bothered with stuff like that because they wanted to "have a life" and their illness already took too much of their time as is. They simply didn't have time or energy for such "neurotic" and "obsessive" behavior. It was absolutely verboten to point out that the people being proactive about diet and the like we're healthier than these people were. God forbid you should imply it was "their fault" that their prognosis was so extremely bad compared to the rest of the community. That would be cruel and would be "blaming the victim." So I ultimately unsubscribed from whatever lists I hadn't already been thrown off of for the crime of suggesting that maybe us patients could do something effective without drugs, surgeries or a doctor's permission, like eat better and use non toxic cleaners and the like. I got off all the drugs and quit getting the email notices about another death in the chronic illness community.
  - ljm 8y ago
    How would you know what part of their life and their thoughts it reflects? What if they don't give a shit about the illness but everybody else makes the biggest deal of it?
    - TomMarius 8y ago
      > How would you know what part of their life and their thoughts it reflects? Well, I asked about it in the comment you replied to, so obviously I don't know.
caymanjim 8y ago
If someone with cancer gains strength or comfort from using that terminology, I support them. I should have clarified that my beef is with others using those words to describe me or an abstract other.
V-2 8y ago
I get this, by why only cancer? There are other generally lethal (though treatable) diseases in the world. Yet you typically don't get to hear about somebody's, say, "battle with diabetes", or "battle with AIDS".
- nyokodo 8y ago
  I can't speak for you but the term "battle with <disease>" is frightfully common. Copy and paste both your example quotes into google and see for yourself.
  - V-2 8y ago
    I'm not sure if these variations are nearly as popular, at least in epitaphia. But I'm not a native English speaker, so I can't really argue about it. In my first language (Polish) people die "after a long battle with cancer", and I feel like it's very rare to come across the same phrase in reference to some other illness.

ljm 8y ago

It makes cancer an identity, and the cancer status subsumes their life as well as their body. Everything is about the cancer and how they deal with it.

TomMarius 8y ago
Doesn't that simply reflect their life and thoughts?
- DoreenMichele 8y ago
  I think I kind of get the criticism. When you are told by a doctor that you have a thing and it's a very deadly thing, the psychological component -- for both you and everyone you deal with -- is huge. The specter of death and the battle with it can blot out the sun, so to speak. My experiences suggest that wresting your identity away from this pattern of thought is life giving and helps people survive in very practical terms. It's not voodoo magic. It strongly influences the mental models that drive your decision-making process. When people believe death is inevitable, they tend to make choices that help that become a self-fulfilling prophecy because they believe nothing they do will really matter anyway.
  - selestify 8y ago
    What are examples of such self fulfilling prophecies?
    - DoreenMichele 8y ago
      I used to spend a lot of time on chronic illness lists. I left all of them because it was a general truism that you couldn't talk about what worked since the absolute sickest people who had the most and worst horror stories were the same people who would outright mock things like removing carpeting from the house and going to all wood and tile floors or making dietary changes. They were extremely dismissive of the idea that anything made a real difference and they insisted they couldn't be bothered with stuff like that because they wanted to "have a life" and their illness already took too much of their time as is. They simply didn't have time or energy for such "neurotic" and "obsessive" behavior. It was absolutely verboten to point out that the people being proactive about diet and the like we're healthier than these people were. God forbid you should imply it was "their fault" that their prognosis was so extremely bad compared to the rest of the community. That would be cruel and would be "blaming the victim." So I ultimately unsubscribed from whatever lists I hadn't already been thrown off of for the crime of suggesting that maybe us patients could do something effective without drugs, surgeries or a doctor's permission, like eat better and use non toxic cleaners and the like. I got off all the drugs and quit getting the email notices about another death in the chronic illness community.
- ljm 8y ago
  How would you know what part of their life and their thoughts it reflects? What if they don't give a shit about the illness but everybody else makes the biggest deal of it?
  - TomMarius 8y ago
    > How would you know what part of their life and their thoughts it reflects? Well, I asked about it in the comment you replied to, so obviously I don't know.

caymanjim 8y ago

If someone with cancer gains strength or comfort from using that terminology, I support them. I should have clarified that my beef is with others using those words to describe me or an abstract other.

V-2 8y ago

I get this, by why only cancer? There are other generally lethal (though treatable) diseases in the world. Yet you typically don't get to hear about somebody's, say, "battle with diabetes", or "battle with AIDS".

nyokodo 8y ago
I can't speak for you but the term "battle with <disease>" is frightfully common. Copy and paste both your example quotes into google and see for yourself.
- V-2 8y ago
  I'm not sure if these variations are nearly as popular, at least in epitaphia. But I'm not a native English speaker, so I can't really argue about it. In my first language (Polish) people die "after a long battle with cancer", and I feel like it's very rare to come across the same phrase in reference to some other illness.