4 ms·

>If you own a house before marriage, perhaps a prenup would be prudent. If you're worried about losing a significant sum of your assets as a result of marriage

by fiblye 8y ago

>If you own a house before marriage, perhaps a prenup would be prudent. If you're worried about losing a significant sum of your assets as a result of marriage, the only solution is to not get married. Prenuptials are generally considered to be worthless and any decent lawyer will find a way to get them thrown out. According to point 5 here [1], a case could easily be made that the plaintiff wasn't prepared for having to find a house after divorce, their quality of life is significantly worse than the standard they've come to adapt to after marriage, etc. [1] https://www.forbes.com/sites/jefflanders/2013/04/02/five-reasons-your-prenup-might-be-invalid/#2c52d7d719a5 https://www.forbes.com/sites/jefflanders/2013/04/02/five-rea...

BadassFractal 8y ago
As anecdata, I remember getting the same legal advice as well years ago: prenups get thrown out by the judge all the time, so you might as well not bother having one.
logicchains 8y ago
Or marry someone trustworthy, and make an informal agreement about how to split assets upon divorce. And if you don't trust them to keep that agreement, should you really be marrying them?
- gear54rus 8y ago
  Will you vet them for a decade before committing for a few decades? if not, how would you know the agreement will be honored after longer time than you know them? Can you be sure of that with anyone?
  - logicchains 8y ago
    I suppose it depends on how much confidence you have in your ability to assess somebody's character.
- black-tea 8y ago
  It's not about trust. People change.
  - logicchains 8y ago
    People's feelings change, but how much integrity somebody has (whether they keep their word) is a part of their character, and people's character changes less frequently.
    - black-tea 8y ago
      No, no. People change. Trust me. Every single man who got divorced was sure he found the one. Every single one.
      - close04 8y ago
        Especially when there’s even a financial incentive to getting out of a relationship you no longer enjoy. Everybody has a price, and seeing your marriage failing and a financial bonus to getting out of it changes opinions and convictions pretty fast. This is especially true in countries that openly favour one of the spouses. For exaple ones where the legal framework doesn’t consider the contribution each spose had to the marriage, and one of them will invariably receive financial aid.
      - logicchains 8y ago
        Integrity doesn't change, it's either there or it isn't. If you start a business with somebody, then after 10 years they suddenly backstab you and take your business, we don't say "they changed", we say they had no integrity to begin with. Integrity that somebody won't stick to is almost by definition not integrity, as "keeping one's word" implies keeping it unconditionally. My first marriage ended in divorce, and we settled entirely amicably, out of court, because we both thought it would be pretty horrible to drag the other through the court system just because it turned out we wanted different things in life. To assess integrity, it's not enough to look at how someone treats you, the person they love. It's also important to look at how they treat things they don't care about, how they treat things they hate, how they approach things they don't want to do but have to do anyway, how they treat people under their power like employees or serving staff. How they treat the promises they don't have to keep. Because if the love dies, that may be how they'll treat you.
- saagarjha 8y ago
  In that case, why marry at all, since you can't trust them to not divorce you?
  - logicchains 8y ago
    People can't control how they feel, so it's unreasonable to expect someone to stick to something they're no longer enjoying. But people can control whether they stick to their word in financial dealings.
  - Broken_Hippo 8y ago
    Because not everything is possible without marriage. Marriage gives a legal framework to so many facets of life that is can be tricky when one doesn't. For example, medical care. If you aren't married, a "spouse" may not be able to make decisions for your care. And that's just for folks already living in the same country. I couldn't live with my spouse before marriage because we lived in different countries. While one allowed a fiance visa, it was only good for 6 months, during which the fiance not only couldn't work, but couldn't open a local bank account.
aaaaaaaaaaab 8y ago
>the only solution is to not get married You will pay whether you’re married or not: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage

by fiblye 8y ago

BadassFractal 8y ago

As anecdata, I remember getting the same legal advice as well years ago: prenups get thrown out by the judge all the time, so you might as well not bother having one.

logicchains 8y ago

Or marry someone trustworthy, and make an informal agreement about how to split assets upon divorce. And if you don't trust them to keep that agreement, should you really be marrying them?

gear54rus 8y ago
Will you vet them for a decade before committing for a few decades? if not, how would you know the agreement will be honored after longer time than you know them? Can you be sure of that with anyone?
- logicchains 8y ago
  I suppose it depends on how much confidence you have in your ability to assess somebody's character.
black-tea 8y ago
It's not about trust. People change.
- logicchains 8y ago
  People's feelings change, but how much integrity somebody has (whether they keep their word) is a part of their character, and people's character changes less frequently.
  - black-tea 8y ago
    No, no. People change. Trust me. Every single man who got divorced was sure he found the one. Every single one.
    - close04 8y ago
      Especially when there’s even a financial incentive to getting out of a relationship you no longer enjoy. Everybody has a price, and seeing your marriage failing and a financial bonus to getting out of it changes opinions and convictions pretty fast. This is especially true in countries that openly favour one of the spouses. For exaple ones where the legal framework doesn’t consider the contribution each spose had to the marriage, and one of them will invariably receive financial aid.
    - logicchains 8y ago
      Integrity doesn't change, it's either there or it isn't. If you start a business with somebody, then after 10 years they suddenly backstab you and take your business, we don't say "they changed", we say they had no integrity to begin with. Integrity that somebody won't stick to is almost by definition not integrity, as "keeping one's word" implies keeping it unconditionally. My first marriage ended in divorce, and we settled entirely amicably, out of court, because we both thought it would be pretty horrible to drag the other through the court system just because it turned out we wanted different things in life. To assess integrity, it's not enough to look at how someone treats you, the person they love. It's also important to look at how they treat things they don't care about, how they treat things they hate, how they approach things they don't want to do but have to do anyway, how they treat people under their power like employees or serving staff. How they treat the promises they don't have to keep. Because if the love dies, that may be how they'll treat you.
saagarjha 8y ago
In that case, why marry at all, since you can't trust them to not divorce you?
- logicchains 8y ago
  People can't control how they feel, so it's unreasonable to expect someone to stick to something they're no longer enjoying. But people can control whether they stick to their word in financial dealings.
- Broken_Hippo 8y ago
  Because not everything is possible without marriage. Marriage gives a legal framework to so many facets of life that is can be tricky when one doesn't. For example, medical care. If you aren't married, a "spouse" may not be able to make decisions for your care. And that's just for folks already living in the same country. I couldn't live with my spouse before marriage because we lived in different countries. While one allowed a fiance visa, it was only good for 6 months, during which the fiance not only couldn't work, but couldn't open a local bank account.

aaaaaaaaaaab 8y ago

>the only solution is to not get married You will pay whether you’re married or not: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage