You could make a language that had all those benefits + almost all the things nostrademons mentioned. For example, Apache Spark on top of Scala does this prett

You could make a language that had all those benefits + almost all the things nostrademons mentioned. For example, Apache Spark on top of Scala does this pretty well (but it's significantly more complex than SQL is.) Pandas in Python and SAS also have many of these features (but also have a higher learning curve.)