7 ms·

Even if you feel the bridge has already been burnt, what's the benefit of burning the other end yourself?

jachee 8y ago
Human beings have these things called "feelings". Sometimes they make sub-optimal or irrational decisions based on—and in service of—those feelings. If you set your end of our bridge on fire, I'm nuking my end from orbit. Why? Because screw you. If you don't need me, I sure as heck don't need you.
- chillacy 8y ago
  And a big part of growing up is controlling those feelings when they lead to outcomes that you'd rather not have.
- daveFNbuck 8y ago
  I understand why there's an urge to do that. The disagreement here is about whether it's a sub-optimal or irrational decision. You seem to agree with me on that point.
  - jachee 8y ago
    My point, that you seem to have missed, is that sometimes what may objectively be the "best" long-term decisions are quite often not "worth it" short-term. Acting on feelings is usually good for the mental health, even if it seems irrational or inefficient. Don't knock it until you try it.
    - daveFNbuck 8y ago
      > My point, that you seem to have missed, is that sometimes what may objectively be the "best" long-term decisions are quite often not "worth it" short-term. I'm still not sure what your point is. Are you saying that the "fuck you" is the best long-term solution once you factor in your mental health? Or are you saying that the short-term mental health benefits of the "fuck you" are enough to justify the long-term detriments?
      - jachee 8y ago
        100.0000% the latter.
taneq 8y ago
If nothing else, it signals to others that you're not prepared to accept that kind of treatment. The small potential loss from cutting off a proven hostile party can easily be outweighed by the benefit of everyone else you deal with thinking twice before burning you.
- hinkley 8y ago
  Hopefully, nobody else outside of the company is going to know about that interaction. Anger is a form of communication. If anything, OP would be helping to send a message that if you push people far enough they will act out, maybe they shouldn’t be pushing other people quite that hard in the future. Boundaries are being crossed, and badly.
- lazyjones 8y ago
  > it signals to others that you're not prepared to accept that kind of treatment. It signals it in such a way that the employer will attribute your decision to your lack of professionalism and not to their own actions.
- daveFNbuck 8y ago
  I think quitting is enough to signal you won't accept that kind of treatment. I don't think other people will treat you better as a result of adding a "fuck you" when you quit. I think it's more likely to make you look like the villain rather than the one who was being mistreated.
  - Retra 8y ago
    Quitting is "enough" to signal a myriad of things, but it just doesn't communicate any particular thing with any reliability. People quit for lots of personal reasons. "Fuck you" means they quit for outrage. Saying "I'm outraged" may presumably communicate the same thing, but as it does in notably tepid manner, it really does not.
    - daveFNbuck 8y ago
      Let's look at this situation again: > I was leaving at a critical juncture and the company begged for me to stay at least for 3 months to complete an important project. I said "fuck you" and left. Does the "fuck you" here signal unambiguously that this person is outraged at the way they've been treated? It could just as easily signal that this is an asshole who will screw you over when the opportunity arises. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry but I can't continue to work under the conditions you've put me through the last 9 months" would be a much clearer signal. Maybe throwing in some swear words would improve the message, but a "fuck you" on its own leaves unnecessary ambiguity as to who the asshole is. Perhaps I'm overly concerned about my reputation, but I'd rather not add room for people to side with the person who mistreated me.
int_19h 8y ago
Catharsis?

Human beings have these things called "feelings". Sometimes they make sub-optimal or irrational decisions based on—and in service of—those feelings. If you set your end of our bridge on fire, I'm nuking my end from orbit. Why? Because screw you. If you don't need me, I sure as heck don't need you.

chillacy 8y ago
And a big part of growing up is controlling those feelings when they lead to outcomes that you'd rather not have.
daveFNbuck 8y ago
I understand why there's an urge to do that. The disagreement here is about whether it's a sub-optimal or irrational decision. You seem to agree with me on that point.
- jachee 8y ago
  My point, that you seem to have missed, is that sometimes what may objectively be the "best" long-term decisions are quite often not "worth it" short-term. Acting on feelings is usually good for the mental health, even if it seems irrational or inefficient. Don't knock it until you try it.
  - daveFNbuck 8y ago
    > My point, that you seem to have missed, is that sometimes what may objectively be the "best" long-term decisions are quite often not "worth it" short-term. I'm still not sure what your point is. Are you saying that the "fuck you" is the best long-term solution once you factor in your mental health? Or are you saying that the short-term mental health benefits of the "fuck you" are enough to justify the long-term detriments?
    - jachee 8y ago
      100.0000% the latter.

taneq 8y ago

If nothing else, it signals to others that you're not prepared to accept that kind of treatment. The small potential loss from cutting off a proven hostile party can easily be outweighed by the benefit of everyone else you deal with thinking twice before burning you.

hinkley 8y ago
Hopefully, nobody else outside of the company is going to know about that interaction. Anger is a form of communication. If anything, OP would be helping to send a message that if you push people far enough they will act out, maybe they shouldn’t be pushing other people quite that hard in the future. Boundaries are being crossed, and badly.
lazyjones 8y ago
> it signals to others that you're not prepared to accept that kind of treatment. It signals it in such a way that the employer will attribute your decision to your lack of professionalism and not to their own actions.
daveFNbuck 8y ago
I think quitting is enough to signal you won't accept that kind of treatment. I don't think other people will treat you better as a result of adding a "fuck you" when you quit. I think it's more likely to make you look like the villain rather than the one who was being mistreated.
- Retra 8y ago
  Quitting is "enough" to signal a myriad of things, but it just doesn't communicate any particular thing with any reliability. People quit for lots of personal reasons. "Fuck you" means they quit for outrage. Saying "I'm outraged" may presumably communicate the same thing, but as it does in notably tepid manner, it really does not.
  - daveFNbuck 8y ago
    Let's look at this situation again: > I was leaving at a critical juncture and the company begged for me to stay at least for 3 months to complete an important project. I said "fuck you" and left. Does the "fuck you" here signal unambiguously that this person is outraged at the way they've been treated? It could just as easily signal that this is an asshole who will screw you over when the opportunity arises. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry but I can't continue to work under the conditions you've put me through the last 9 months" would be a much clearer signal. Maybe throwing in some swear words would improve the message, but a "fuck you" on its own leaves unnecessary ambiguity as to who the asshole is. Perhaps I'm overly concerned about my reputation, but I'd rather not add room for people to side with the person who mistreated me.

int_19h 8y ago

Catharsis?