4 ms·

I've found it very difficult to find people to cohabitate with who aren't bringing down the living standards important to me. From long-term girlfriends to ran

I've found it very difficult to find people to cohabitate with who aren't bringing down the living standards important to me. From long-term girlfriends to random folks I shared rent with when I was in the SF Bay area, it has always been a regression from what I have living alone.

satokema_work 8y ago
Congratulations. If you have the slack to maximize these things, you're probably in the top tier of statistics of this study that get X'd out to make their point. This leads me to this: it's interesting to think about which way the correlation goes - are these early deaths caused by living alone, or is it a symptom of other things wrong in their life that lead to a lack of girlfriends and random people and family in their life?
- newnewpdro 8y ago
  No doubt there's going to be some amount of men living exceptionally unhealthy lifestyles to the point of alienation.
xiphias2 8y ago
What are these living standards? Bay area is one of the worst places to find a girlfriend though, so if this is important for you, you need to move to a place with different supply/demand balance.
- wffurr 8y ago
  I don't know about the GP, but it's shocking how poorly many people pick up their things after themselves, leave messes in common areas, etc. I don't miss having roommates at all.
  - xiphias2 8y ago
    I see, yes, that's something important to filter for. Also having a cleaning lady is critical when you're working at an office job. Anyways I have a girlfriend who is much more organized than me, and she happily does things after me as well (in return I bring her to restaurants all the time, and paying for everything in our lives, as I have much higher income). If you find a great partner, life gets easier.
    - chapium 8y ago
      what will you do when she is tired of being a maid for food?
      - hnzix 8y ago
        Removing the gender trigger words, having one partner look after domestic duties while one partner works is a perfectly healthy model for some people. I've minimized my lifestyle so that it doesn't require a double income to sustain. Work becomes a choice instead of a burden.
      - xiphias2 8y ago
        I'm travelling a lot, spending about half year every year separate from her. I usually go to hotels, use laundry service and have cleaning lady come multiple times per week. I realized some time ago that I hate house work so much that it's just not worth for me to do it and leave it to other people who like it more than me. Also for me it takes about 3x the time to do the same house work as other people. The great thing in specialization is that everybody does what he/she is good and efficient at and/or likes.
- newnewpdro 8y ago
  > What are these living standards? I'm not going to document them here in any significant detail. Just requiring things like no drugs, including alcohol, or junk food including sweets / sodas / baked goods / ice cream be kept in the home where conveniently accessible already eliminates the vast majority of Americans in my experience. If I were to exhaustively write down the common disparities WRT my standards this would turn into a short novel. I'm no longer in the Bay area. Most of my relationship experience happened prior to living the Bay area, back in the midwest. You're right about the Bay area being awful for finding a girlfriend, it's all dudes on the market. My Bay area experiences were more in the cohabitating context, splitting rent with randoms. If I wanted a family it would be a very frustrating situation, and I would probably go to a different country honestly. But I don't, so now I just watch in disbelief as most the friends I grew up with destroy themselves in unhealthy marriages where they can't even go on a kayak trip because it'd leave their partner alone. Or can't abstain from eating cake every other day because it'd offend their partner to reject something they made. Nope.
  - xiphias2 8y ago
    ,,Or can't abstain from eating cake every other day because it'd offend their partner to reject something they made.'' This sounds crazy... though I'd never reject a cake that my girlfriend makes. She's a dietitian, 45kg (99 lbs) / 165cm, and I admire her discipline in restricting the amount of both fat and sugar in her diet (and the food she makes...you know cakes don't have to be that bad). She's my model for eating healthy. At the same time I was 2-3 times in the U.S., and I went into a fast restaurant once, as I didn't know where I should go to eat (later I found out about Whole foods, that was my go to fast food location). What was really funny for me, that you could buy 1l of coke, and you could refill it for free. I thought it's just marketing, as I wouldn't imagine any person being able to drink more than 1l of that sh*t. Guess what, I was disproved in 5 minutes. I mean do people really hate living that much in the U.S.?
    - newnewpdro 8y ago
      It is crazy, codependent relationships are the worst and incredibly common. But I don't think that particular "eat what I cook or I'm upset" phenomenon is unique to the US. My mother, an Italian, would overfeed everyone within reach and lose her mind if turned down. The food was delicious, but absolutely not healthy in either nutrition or quantity. Her worth in life was almost entirely defined by her traditional cooking. There's a common form of relationship which exists almost entirely around shared experiences of eating "comfort food", which is really just foods that poke the reward centers of the brain. This literally becomes the foundation of all happiness between the couple. The food is no different from a shared drug addiction between two addicts.

satokema_work 8y ago

Congratulations. If you have the slack to maximize these things, you're probably in the top tier of statistics of this study that get X'd out to make their point. This leads me to this: it's interesting to think about which way the correlation goes - are these early deaths caused by living alone, or is it a symptom of other things wrong in their life that lead to a lack of girlfriends and random people and family in their life?

newnewpdro 8y ago
No doubt there's going to be some amount of men living exceptionally unhealthy lifestyles to the point of alienation.

xiphias2 8y ago

What are these living standards? Bay area is one of the worst places to find a girlfriend though, so if this is important for you, you need to move to a place with different supply/demand balance.

wffurr 8y ago
I don't know about the GP, but it's shocking how poorly many people pick up their things after themselves, leave messes in common areas, etc. I don't miss having roommates at all.
- xiphias2 8y ago
  I see, yes, that's something important to filter for. Also having a cleaning lady is critical when you're working at an office job. Anyways I have a girlfriend who is much more organized than me, and she happily does things after me as well (in return I bring her to restaurants all the time, and paying for everything in our lives, as I have much higher income). If you find a great partner, life gets easier.
  - chapium 8y ago
    what will you do when she is tired of being a maid for food?
    - hnzix 8y ago
      Removing the gender trigger words, having one partner look after domestic duties while one partner works is a perfectly healthy model for some people. I've minimized my lifestyle so that it doesn't require a double income to sustain. Work becomes a choice instead of a burden.
    - xiphias2 8y ago
      I'm travelling a lot, spending about half year every year separate from her. I usually go to hotels, use laundry service and have cleaning lady come multiple times per week. I realized some time ago that I hate house work so much that it's just not worth for me to do it and leave it to other people who like it more than me. Also for me it takes about 3x the time to do the same house work as other people. The great thing in specialization is that everybody does what he/she is good and efficient at and/or likes.
newnewpdro 8y ago
> What are these living standards? I'm not going to document them here in any significant detail. Just requiring things like no drugs, including alcohol, or junk food including sweets / sodas / baked goods / ice cream be kept in the home where conveniently accessible already eliminates the vast majority of Americans in my experience. If I were to exhaustively write down the common disparities WRT my standards this would turn into a short novel. I'm no longer in the Bay area. Most of my relationship experience happened prior to living the Bay area, back in the midwest. You're right about the Bay area being awful for finding a girlfriend, it's all dudes on the market. My Bay area experiences were more in the cohabitating context, splitting rent with randoms. If I wanted a family it would be a very frustrating situation, and I would probably go to a different country honestly. But I don't, so now I just watch in disbelief as most the friends I grew up with destroy themselves in unhealthy marriages where they can't even go on a kayak trip because it'd leave their partner alone. Or can't abstain from eating cake every other day because it'd offend their partner to reject something they made. Nope.
- xiphias2 8y ago
  ,,Or can't abstain from eating cake every other day because it'd offend their partner to reject something they made.'' This sounds crazy... though I'd never reject a cake that my girlfriend makes. She's a dietitian, 45kg (99 lbs) / 165cm, and I admire her discipline in restricting the amount of both fat and sugar in her diet (and the food she makes...you know cakes don't have to be that bad). She's my model for eating healthy. At the same time I was 2-3 times in the U.S., and I went into a fast restaurant once, as I didn't know where I should go to eat (later I found out about Whole foods, that was my go to fast food location). What was really funny for me, that you could buy 1l of coke, and you could refill it for free. I thought it's just marketing, as I wouldn't imagine any person being able to drink more than 1l of that sh*t. Guess what, I was disproved in 5 minutes. I mean do people really hate living that much in the U.S.?
  - newnewpdro 8y ago
    It is crazy, codependent relationships are the worst and incredibly common. But I don't think that particular "eat what I cook or I'm upset" phenomenon is unique to the US. My mother, an Italian, would overfeed everyone within reach and lose her mind if turned down. The food was delicious, but absolutely not healthy in either nutrition or quantity. Her worth in life was almost entirely defined by her traditional cooking. There's a common form of relationship which exists almost entirely around shared experiences of eating "comfort food", which is really just foods that poke the reward centers of the brain. This literally becomes the foundation of all happiness between the couple. The food is no different from a shared drug addiction between two addicts.