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So, the problem I find is this. It seems natural if asked: "Can we figure out something to help me feel lonely less often?” To respond: "Ok well, what do you
by saberience 8y ago
So, the problem I find is this.
It seems natural if asked:
"Can we figure out something to help me feel lonely less often?”
To respond:
"Ok well, what do you want?"
If you're not willing to give actual things you want, then the other person has to "mind read." And from my experience in relationships, when people are trying to mind read what the other actually wants, this always ends up in issues/problems.
- karmelapple 8y agoMind reading is not the goal of this conversation. The response you said might happen - "OK well, what do you want?" - would indeed be a desired response. The reason is that the response leads to a conversation, where they can both talk about possible solutions. And the solution doesn't have to be "don't go DJ tonight," although that could be one. Imagine if the conversation instead was this: Girlfriend: "I don't want you to DJ at the club tonight." DJ thinks: "What? She knows this is really important to me, but she just wants me to stop going. What the heck. She doesn't want to support me in this now, after I've done it for so long?" DJ says: "This is really I important to me. Stop trying to control me, I don't try to control you!" Girlfriend: "I'm not trying to control you, I just want you to stay home tonight!" DJ: "Sounds like control to me!" huffs out of the room Giving the DJ some amount of context can help avoid anyone feeling accused, and can help someone misinterpret why someone wants something.