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My wife’s uncle became a social recluse after his wife passed away. Everyone in the family sees him as just this odd person, but I’m pretty sure he is either de

My wife’s uncle became a social recluse after his wife passed away. Everyone in the family sees him as just this odd person, but I’m pretty sure he is either depressed, mentally ill or both. After his wife passed he would not go out of the house for long stretches. He is retired and collects a good pension so money is not an issue. Despite living maybe 20 feet across the street from us, we hardly ever see him. He goes to his mother’s for dinner every day but to catch a glimpse of him is a rare sight. I’d say I’ve seen him maybe twice a year these past few years. It’s unknown what he does at home and how much technology plays a role in his behavior, but I suspect he is a gamer or has some sort of addiction. I have personally struggled with gaming addiction for years, leaving at times and then getting sucked right back in without any self-control. Just recently I got hooked on Elder scrolls online and it took some struggling to let go. I can say for certain that gaming deepens whatever emotional state of isolation one can experience. Despite having fun, the feeling of loneliness gets stronger. I think if I didn’t have my wife and kid I would probably spend my life hunched over a screen dying while I play an mmo. I would get so depressed I’d probably let go of any form of self-care and fade into a blob of flesh and bodily fluids. For all the bringing together that technology is supposed to do, I feel like it had a complete opposite effect. Sure, for some it’s awesome to stay in touch with people you wouldn’t have stayed in touch with otherwise, but in general it has made society more closed and people isolated from one another.

NKosmatos 8y ago
IMHO the family, friends and social surroundings play a big role in it. If you don’t have someone to take care of you (or you to take care of someone else), then I guess it’s easier to withdraw and shut everyone out.
tcbawo 8y ago
Your story reminds me of a story about heroin addicts in Russia who started taking krokodil (a homemade version that causes slow body death and decay). Addicts retreat into their addictions to hide from their problems. It gets harder and harder to break the cycle, because they don't address the core issue and they are creating more problems from themselves (physical, legal, social isolation). In the case of krokodil, stopping the drug meant dealing with the pain/shame of open sores and rotting flesh. Many people think of addiction in terms of physical symptoms and mental toughness. In many cases, human addiction is a tragedy on a mass scale. The people that work with addicts are truly doing God's work.
- yowlingcat 8y ago
  It's different in Russia than in America, but this makes me think about the McKinsey news item that came up the other day, and how they essentially guided Purdue to juice opioid sales. Of course, once prices go up and addicts cannot afford their prescription that was likely not issued in the best faith, it is no wonder that they turn to cheaper, but frequently impure and lethal fentanyl. I agree with you that people who work with addicts are truly doing God's work; no matter how secularly I want to phrase it, when I see large scale addiction it is very difficult not to see the abstract idea of the devil. People physiologically enslaved to a chemical, slowly dying, facing an uphill battle against tolerance and death -- it's all so very bleak, even more so because it is in the present moment and was fully supported by the public health care system. One wonders where the oversight was; and who is responsible? Maybe we all are responsible.
  - Henk0 8y ago
    Agree fully on the points about people working with addicts, and Purdue seem to have no moral compass to counteract the profit motive. About the enslavememt to the chemical itself, it’s more complicated. The drugs primarily tend to serve as substitutes for the natural positive reinforcers the addicted person is missing, and there’s often a history of trauma and psychological unhealth prior to the drugs entering the picture. Like for the Krokodil users in the parent post, the natural and externally imposed consequences of maintaining the habit lead to a negative spiral where there’s more pain, suffering and hopelessness to face when trying to quit. I highly recommend Johann Hari’s book ”Chasing the Scream”, and Gabor Mate’s ”In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts”. Truly enlightening reads if one wants to better understand addiction
    - yowlingcat 8y ago
      Thanks for the recommendations! I'd love to give them a read if I get a chance in the near future.
    - kmate 8y ago
      Thanks you for the suggestions and for pointing to a more realistic point about addiction. As I see - and I've been living in this for many years - addiction has nothing to do with the chemical. Johann Hari has some very good thoughts on the topic. The first time I heard about him was this talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_you_know_about_addiction_is_wrong?utm_campaign=social&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_content=talk&utm_term=social-science https://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_y... His books worth checking out too. As someone who struggled with addiction since childhood it is something I can very much relate to.

NKosmatos 8y ago

IMHO the family, friends and social surroundings play a big role in it. If you don’t have someone to take care of you (or you to take care of someone else), then I guess it’s easier to withdraw and shut everyone out.

tcbawo 8y ago

Your story reminds me of a story about heroin addicts in Russia who started taking krokodil (a homemade version that causes slow body death and decay). Addicts retreat into their addictions to hide from their problems. It gets harder and harder to break the cycle, because they don't address the core issue and they are creating more problems from themselves (physical, legal, social isolation). In the case of krokodil, stopping the drug meant dealing with the pain/shame of open sores and rotting flesh. Many people think of addiction in terms of physical symptoms and mental toughness. In many cases, human addiction is a tragedy on a mass scale. The people that work with addicts are truly doing God's work.

yowlingcat 8y ago
It's different in Russia than in America, but this makes me think about the McKinsey news item that came up the other day, and how they essentially guided Purdue to juice opioid sales. Of course, once prices go up and addicts cannot afford their prescription that was likely not issued in the best faith, it is no wonder that they turn to cheaper, but frequently impure and lethal fentanyl. I agree with you that people who work with addicts are truly doing God's work; no matter how secularly I want to phrase it, when I see large scale addiction it is very difficult not to see the abstract idea of the devil. People physiologically enslaved to a chemical, slowly dying, facing an uphill battle against tolerance and death -- it's all so very bleak, even more so because it is in the present moment and was fully supported by the public health care system. One wonders where the oversight was; and who is responsible? Maybe we all are responsible.
- Henk0 8y ago
  Agree fully on the points about people working with addicts, and Purdue seem to have no moral compass to counteract the profit motive. About the enslavememt to the chemical itself, it’s more complicated. The drugs primarily tend to serve as substitutes for the natural positive reinforcers the addicted person is missing, and there’s often a history of trauma and psychological unhealth prior to the drugs entering the picture. Like for the Krokodil users in the parent post, the natural and externally imposed consequences of maintaining the habit lead to a negative spiral where there’s more pain, suffering and hopelessness to face when trying to quit. I highly recommend Johann Hari’s book ”Chasing the Scream”, and Gabor Mate’s ”In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts”. Truly enlightening reads if one wants to better understand addiction
  - yowlingcat 8y ago
    Thanks for the recommendations! I'd love to give them a read if I get a chance in the near future.
  - kmate 8y ago
    Thanks you for the suggestions and for pointing to a more realistic point about addiction. As I see - and I've been living in this for many years - addiction has nothing to do with the chemical. Johann Hari has some very good thoughts on the topic. The first time I heard about him was this talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_you_know_about_addiction_is_wrong?utm_campaign=social&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_content=talk&utm_term=social-science https://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_y... His books worth checking out too. As someone who struggled with addiction since childhood it is something I can very much relate to.