2 ms·

Speaking as a full-time father of a 2-year-old, don’t worry, people also feel free to question fathers’ parenting on a daily basis. (In particular, they are sho

Speaking as a full-time father of a 2-year-old, don’t worry, people also feel free to question fathers’ parenting on a daily basis. (In particular, they are shocked that we often walk around town barefoot, but plenty of other random stuff draws busybody commentary.) I imagine it is worse for women in some places, but plenty of people on the street are eager to share their opinions with parents in general. Not to mention those who just stick to frowning and shaking their heads without saying anything. Back when he was a few months old, I was told on a regular basis by strangers that I was an ‘amazing’ father just for carrying him around, which is certainly something that mothers seldom encounter. > One of the neat things about "Marvelous Mrs. Maisel" is that it shows how it was socially acceptable for rich people in the 1950s-1960s to completely delegate parenting Judging from some of the raised-by-nannies-then-prep-school people I went to college with, this sometimes has mediocre results. YMMV.

rayiner 8y ago
> Judging from some of the raised-by-nannies-then-prep-school people I went to college with, this sometimes has mediocre results. YMMV. The prep-school crowd could obviously afford to delegate the most, but if you are ages 30-60, it's highly likely you were formula fed, not worn around in a sling, babysat by the TV, etc. And everyone turned out fine. There was subsequently a reaction to that modern convenience which, in my view, is the modern equivalent of foot binding.
- jacobolus 8y ago
  I am 33, and I was breastfed until 2, carried around in a sling, didn’t spend much time on TV or screen games, etc. But my parents are an anthropologist and a schoolteacher, who both spent lots of time on family. (Note: I certainly have plenty of my own problems and wouldn’t claim to be any kind of human ideal role model.) Your description more or less fits my parents (now ~70), though TV wasn’t anywhere near as pervasive during their childhood as a few decades later, and they spent tons of time outside as kids. Whether “everyone” among my peers who were raised by screens turned out “fine” is debatable at best. Many of the kids of 2-parents-with-full-time-professional-jobs-and-not-much-time-for-family ended up with plenty of baggage and interpersonal problems. Not to mention chronic health problems caused by lifestyle, etc. Of course, there has been plenty of shitty parenting (either coercive or neglectful) throughout history. New styles of shitty parenting are different than old ones, but it’s not clear they are “worse” per se. * * * From personal experience, the 2–3-year-olds I see who get more practice walking around town and running around on the playground (instead of being pushed in a little cart), playing with a wide variety of toys (instead of being kept away from the ones that say "age 3+"), engaging with adults (instead of handed over to a screen), working through their emotions with patient support (instead of having adults try to control their emotional responses), etc. are significantly ahead of their peers in strength, balance, agility, speed, hand-eye coordination, listening comprehension, speech, logical reasoning, emotional maturity, etc., even accounting for the inherent large variance of kids’ development. It’s not clear to me yet to what extent much school evens out those differences for older kids. In my personal opinion, the biggest problems I see around town and on the playground are adults emotionally manipulating small kids and restricting their ability to direct their own attention, control their own actions, or deal with (minor) consequences. Some parents and nannies are real tyrants, and many others are pathologically overprotective. Other stuff seems relatively minor. If parents need to feed their kids formula for whatever reason, or put them in daycare 9–5 out of financial necessity, or slather them in too much sunscreen, or dress them in gender-stereotyped clothes, or buy them too many commercialized movie-tie-in action figures, or give them too much candy at halloween, or don’t read to them for 2 hours per day, or .... I certainly won’t judge them.

rayiner 8y ago

> Judging from some of the raised-by-nannies-then-prep-school people I went to college with, this sometimes has mediocre results. YMMV. The prep-school crowd could obviously afford to delegate the most, but if you are ages 30-60, it's highly likely you were formula fed, not worn around in a sling, babysat by the TV, etc. And everyone turned out fine. There was subsequently a reaction to that modern convenience which, in my view, is the modern equivalent of foot binding.

jacobolus 8y ago
I am 33, and I was breastfed until 2, carried around in a sling, didn’t spend much time on TV or screen games, etc. But my parents are an anthropologist and a schoolteacher, who both spent lots of time on family. (Note: I certainly have plenty of my own problems and wouldn’t claim to be any kind of human ideal role model.) Your description more or less fits my parents (now ~70), though TV wasn’t anywhere near as pervasive during their childhood as a few decades later, and they spent tons of time outside as kids. Whether “everyone” among my peers who were raised by screens turned out “fine” is debatable at best. Many of the kids of 2-parents-with-full-time-professional-jobs-and-not-much-time-for-family ended up with plenty of baggage and interpersonal problems. Not to mention chronic health problems caused by lifestyle, etc. Of course, there has been plenty of shitty parenting (either coercive or neglectful) throughout history. New styles of shitty parenting are different than old ones, but it’s not clear they are “worse” per se. * * * From personal experience, the 2–3-year-olds I see who get more practice walking around town and running around on the playground (instead of being pushed in a little cart), playing with a wide variety of toys (instead of being kept away from the ones that say "age 3+"), engaging with adults (instead of handed over to a screen), working through their emotions with patient support (instead of having adults try to control their emotional responses), etc. are significantly ahead of their peers in strength, balance, agility, speed, hand-eye coordination, listening comprehension, speech, logical reasoning, emotional maturity, etc., even accounting for the inherent large variance of kids’ development. It’s not clear to me yet to what extent much school evens out those differences for older kids. In my personal opinion, the biggest problems I see around town and on the playground are adults emotionally manipulating small kids and restricting their ability to direct their own attention, control their own actions, or deal with (minor) consequences. Some parents and nannies are real tyrants, and many others are pathologically overprotective. Other stuff seems relatively minor. If parents need to feed their kids formula for whatever reason, or put them in daycare 9–5 out of financial necessity, or slather them in too much sunscreen, or dress them in gender-stereotyped clothes, or buy them too many commercialized movie-tie-in action figures, or give them too much candy at halloween, or don’t read to them for 2 hours per day, or .... I certainly won’t judge them.