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Good for her finding a niche market like this however I pity the clients and the people on the other end. Tinder and the likes are a numbers game, with everyon

Good for her finding a niche market like this however I pity the clients and the people on the other end. Tinder and the likes are a numbers game, with everyone procuring their,"best self" in 6 photos and a witty bio. There is already so much artificiality in the interactions and this will just add more to it. I was terrible and shy when I first used Tinder but I treated it like any other problem. I iterated and reviewed; improved my appearance and well being. Then I started getting matches; at which point I couldn't think of anything funny to say. So I went with cliched or weird intros. After another bit of iteration and self reflection and lots of trial and error I was getting dates. This whole evolution took place over a year or so and was a good benchmark for me. Whether you are a woman or a man, if you are failing on Tinder/Bumble/Match/Dates etc. I suggest you do a bit of self reflection and try and change it up, I believe in you! People who are trying to skip parts out are more likely to stumble at the next hurdle in my opinion.

deleted 8y ago
[deleted]
Viker 8y ago
All these things do not matter if you have the cash to buy yourself out of these problems. Yes everyone "can" potentially learn to fix their cars and computers. But if they have jobs that pay better than the time it takes to do the job then that is straight up shitty investment of their time. If someone earns so much money that they can pay 700 usd a month for this service, that basically means that they have figured life out and are successful and do not need to change. People that make money understand that the better investment is to pay someone more competent to do the job. Personality has also always been something the can be influenced by money. There is a reason why women would prefer rich "jerks" to poor nice guys.
- onemoresoop 8y ago
  Buying out of the problems will leave you with wholes in your self development which in the long run will cause more pain.
  - Viker 8y ago
    That is true. But if you are successful enough to afford such a service that means that you are a well developed and successful personality that basically dones't have time to treat every woman like a magical princess. Clients have needs and are willing to pay for the services required. Rich people also have drivers. That doesn't mean they can't drive.
    - onemoresoop 8y ago
      If you choose to take it in your hands, to manage it yourself, you gain more, a good circumstance for self reflection you won't meet too often. If you see it as a service, sure, if you are very successful and don't have time that someone literally has to manage your dating, then more to you I guess... On the other hand, for people who are bad and incorrigible at self reflection, a serious matchmaker who knows you well can do a good job in finding you a suitable partner. But somehow I distrust this kind of online service, and that's me. "Local" matchmaking seems to be working in smaller communities.
      - Viker 8y ago
        Yes I can fully agree with you. If a person is clearly struggling with attracting the opposite Sex, then it is certain that persinalised and tailored help will be more benificial, but in the case with this survice, I see like a luxoroise tool to pay yourself out of some of the more mundaine tasks in the current sexual market.
    - g_sch 8y ago
      > But if you are successful enough to afford such a service that means that you are a well developed and successful personality that basically dones't have time to treat every woman like a magical princess. I wouldn't be so confident in the personal virtues of wealthy people if I were you.
    - tastroder 8y ago
      Last time I talked to a driver they didn't lie to me and pretend to be their client. The moral problem here, at least for me, is intentional deception, users of such a service actively pay somebody to lie to another person. That sounds like a great start for a solid relationship. The article makes is pretty clear that she hides her client's emotional baggage, which in principle is what most people do but how is she sure that transfers to the situation where the client actually meets the other person? Having a few thousand quids disposable might as well mean the client is desparate or simply inapt at social interactions, not sure why that would magically mean the exact opposite to be quiet honest. Being "nice" can hardly be considered a necessary prerequisite for making money.
- ddeokbokki 8y ago
  > If someone earns so much money that they can pay 700 usd a month for this service, that basically means that they have figured life out and are successful and do not need to change. No, that only means that they have enough disposable income to afford the service. > Personality has also always been something the can be influenced by money. There is a reason why women would prefer rich "jerks" to poor nice guys. The generalisation you make about women is really offensive, furthermore, you can not assume everyone favours income over personality in a partner. In any case, dating, like a job hunt and many other aspects of our lives, comes down to weighting up your expectations against someone else's, if you're fine with attracting a partner because of your money, good for you.
- ataturk 8y ago
  I disagree with what you just said on the basis of I know too many PhDs who can't change a tire. I think there's a lot of value in knowing how to do things, especially in the US where hiring someone to do work for you is super expensive and in the case of home improvements, often difficult to schedule anyone to show up at all.
onemoresoop 8y ago
I like this. Self marketing skills can improve with honest self reflection and trial and error doesn't have to be painful, we first have to accept it is a numbers game
Kalium 8y ago
The real problem with reflection as a source of improvement is that you can't iterate without feedback relevant to your goal. If your goal is an external one and your source of feedback is an internal one, many people will have a great deal of difficulty getting past the first problem of getting people to pay attention to me. Though in my case, I found out from one helpful person that tinder had my gender incorrect for the first 6-8 months I spent on it (back before that was user-controlled). So sometimes it's not you at all.
strikelaserclaw 8y ago
Seems like every aspect of our lives is becoming like a big job hunt. Putting in all the right keywords regardless of whether they apply to you or not. Making yourself look better artificially at the cost of authenticity. smh.
- ssnistfajen 8y ago
  My Tinder experience was exactly like a job hunt. Even complete with matches ghosting you after some promising convos (employers ignoring you despite promising to get in contact after good interviews).
- ddeokbokki 8y ago
  You may chose to not live that life. We tend to only see the superficial personalities on social media mostly because they're the most vocal imo.
- elliekelly 8y ago
  "You’re always looking for a job, apartment or a boyfriend."[1] In the beginning, Craigslist was the online market for all three. Then the markets specialized and we got Monster.com, Match.com, and Zillow. Now we've moved on-demand with the "gig economy", AirBNB, and Tinder. Is the next shift consolidation? Book your apartment for the night, your date for the night, and a freelance gig to pay for it all in the same app? [1] Yes I did just quote Sex and the City on HN.
- lotsofpulp 8y ago
  A job hunt is just selling yourself and dating is selling yourself as a good partner. Networking events and friendships are also selling yourself, since you can’t possibly give the same time and importance to everyone, so you need to pick and choose.
  - strikelaserclaw 8y ago
    Don't know about you but i never had to "sell" myself to make friends. It's the mechanization of human experiences and emotions due to technology that scares me the most of all. It's putting numbers on unquantifiable things and convincing society that it is indeed quantifiable. What next? Some "visionary" comes up with a way to rate our all attributes on an n dimensional scale, and we all strive in our lives to make those numbers go up? "Introducing FB person ratings, where we rate things like dating desirability, job efficiency, intelligence, charm" Then tinder will hook into this system and suddenly we have people putting " >85 attractiveness, >70 charm" in their profiles as preferences. That kind of world, which i hope will never happen, will be a complete shit hole imo.
iamben 8y ago
This is so true. It reminds me of the ad to landing page problem. If your ad copy says "world's greatest golf clubs, click here" and then your landing page says "book a holiday to Portugal!" -- your chance of conversion is a lot lower. Sure there are a bunch of great places to golf in Portugal, but the person has clicked looking for clubs. It's the same here. She might drive the traffic to the landing page, but unless her clients match the messaging, they'll never convert... "I left after drinks. (S)He was so much wittier on the app - we just didn't connect the same way in real life."

deleted 8y ago

[deleted]

Viker 8y ago

All these things do not matter if you have the cash to buy yourself out of these problems. Yes everyone "can" potentially learn to fix their cars and computers. But if they have jobs that pay better than the time it takes to do the job then that is straight up shitty investment of their time. If someone earns so much money that they can pay 700 usd a month for this service, that basically means that they have figured life out and are successful and do not need to change. People that make money understand that the better investment is to pay someone more competent to do the job. Personality has also always been something the can be influenced by money. There is a reason why women would prefer rich "jerks" to poor nice guys.

onemoresoop 8y ago
Buying out of the problems will leave you with wholes in your self development which in the long run will cause more pain.
- Viker 8y ago
  That is true. But if you are successful enough to afford such a service that means that you are a well developed and successful personality that basically dones't have time to treat every woman like a magical princess. Clients have needs and are willing to pay for the services required. Rich people also have drivers. That doesn't mean they can't drive.
  - onemoresoop 8y ago
    If you choose to take it in your hands, to manage it yourself, you gain more, a good circumstance for self reflection you won't meet too often. If you see it as a service, sure, if you are very successful and don't have time that someone literally has to manage your dating, then more to you I guess... On the other hand, for people who are bad and incorrigible at self reflection, a serious matchmaker who knows you well can do a good job in finding you a suitable partner. But somehow I distrust this kind of online service, and that's me. "Local" matchmaking seems to be working in smaller communities.
    - Viker 8y ago
      Yes I can fully agree with you. If a person is clearly struggling with attracting the opposite Sex, then it is certain that persinalised and tailored help will be more benificial, but in the case with this survice, I see like a luxoroise tool to pay yourself out of some of the more mundaine tasks in the current sexual market.
  - g_sch 8y ago
    > But if you are successful enough to afford such a service that means that you are a well developed and successful personality that basically dones't have time to treat every woman like a magical princess. I wouldn't be so confident in the personal virtues of wealthy people if I were you.
  - tastroder 8y ago
    Last time I talked to a driver they didn't lie to me and pretend to be their client. The moral problem here, at least for me, is intentional deception, users of such a service actively pay somebody to lie to another person. That sounds like a great start for a solid relationship. The article makes is pretty clear that she hides her client's emotional baggage, which in principle is what most people do but how is she sure that transfers to the situation where the client actually meets the other person? Having a few thousand quids disposable might as well mean the client is desparate or simply inapt at social interactions, not sure why that would magically mean the exact opposite to be quiet honest. Being "nice" can hardly be considered a necessary prerequisite for making money.
ddeokbokki 8y ago
> If someone earns so much money that they can pay 700 usd a month for this service, that basically means that they have figured life out and are successful and do not need to change. No, that only means that they have enough disposable income to afford the service. > Personality has also always been something the can be influenced by money. There is a reason why women would prefer rich "jerks" to poor nice guys. The generalisation you make about women is really offensive, furthermore, you can not assume everyone favours income over personality in a partner. In any case, dating, like a job hunt and many other aspects of our lives, comes down to weighting up your expectations against someone else's, if you're fine with attracting a partner because of your money, good for you.
ataturk 8y ago
I disagree with what you just said on the basis of I know too many PhDs who can't change a tire. I think there's a lot of value in knowing how to do things, especially in the US where hiring someone to do work for you is super expensive and in the case of home improvements, often difficult to schedule anyone to show up at all.

onemoresoop 8y ago

I like this. Self marketing skills can improve with honest self reflection and trial and error doesn't have to be painful, we first have to accept it is a numbers game

Kalium 8y ago

The real problem with reflection as a source of improvement is that you can't iterate without feedback relevant to your goal. If your goal is an external one and your source of feedback is an internal one, many people will have a great deal of difficulty getting past the first problem of getting people to pay attention to me. Though in my case, I found out from one helpful person that tinder had my gender incorrect for the first 6-8 months I spent on it (back before that was user-controlled). So sometimes it's not you at all.

strikelaserclaw 8y ago

Seems like every aspect of our lives is becoming like a big job hunt. Putting in all the right keywords regardless of whether they apply to you or not. Making yourself look better artificially at the cost of authenticity. smh.

ssnistfajen 8y ago
My Tinder experience was exactly like a job hunt. Even complete with matches ghosting you after some promising convos (employers ignoring you despite promising to get in contact after good interviews).
ddeokbokki 8y ago
You may chose to not live that life. We tend to only see the superficial personalities on social media mostly because they're the most vocal imo.
elliekelly 8y ago
"You’re always looking for a job, apartment or a boyfriend."[1] In the beginning, Craigslist was the online market for all three. Then the markets specialized and we got Monster.com, Match.com, and Zillow. Now we've moved on-demand with the "gig economy", AirBNB, and Tinder. Is the next shift consolidation? Book your apartment for the night, your date for the night, and a freelance gig to pay for it all in the same app? [1] Yes I did just quote Sex and the City on HN.
lotsofpulp 8y ago
A job hunt is just selling yourself and dating is selling yourself as a good partner. Networking events and friendships are also selling yourself, since you can’t possibly give the same time and importance to everyone, so you need to pick and choose.
- strikelaserclaw 8y ago
  Don't know about you but i never had to "sell" myself to make friends. It's the mechanization of human experiences and emotions due to technology that scares me the most of all. It's putting numbers on unquantifiable things and convincing society that it is indeed quantifiable. What next? Some "visionary" comes up with a way to rate our all attributes on an n dimensional scale, and we all strive in our lives to make those numbers go up? "Introducing FB person ratings, where we rate things like dating desirability, job efficiency, intelligence, charm" Then tinder will hook into this system and suddenly we have people putting " >85 attractiveness, >70 charm" in their profiles as preferences. That kind of world, which i hope will never happen, will be a complete shit hole imo.

iamben 8y ago

This is so true. It reminds me of the ad to landing page problem. If your ad copy says "world's greatest golf clubs, click here" and then your landing page says "book a holiday to Portugal!" -- your chance of conversion is a lot lower. Sure there are a bunch of great places to golf in Portugal, but the person has clicked looking for clubs. It's the same here. She might drive the traffic to the landing page, but unless her clients match the messaging, they'll never convert... "I left after drinks. (S)He was so much wittier on the app - we just didn't connect the same way in real life."