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"What if the asshole dies and you're still estranged?" Such a question reveals an ignorance of how toxic people can be. And in my book, blood relations doesn't

"What if the asshole dies and you're still estranged?" Such a question reveals an ignorance of how toxic people can be. And in my book, blood relations doesn't get you a get-out-of-jail-free card for being an asshole. My family has assholes, leeches, the works. Quite a few I get along with, quite a few I can go to my grave having never spoken to them again and have not one regret for having eliminated stress and conflict from my life. Not that I've willfully cut anyone out of my life. I do have one sister that stomped off mad one day, never to return. Good riddance, and contrary to whatever fantasies you might harbor, you will not be missed, Sis. The rest I just don't go out of my way to contact. I'd pick up the phone if any of them called. Hell, my estranged sister could call and I'd pick up. But I'm not going out of my way to add difficulty to my life. So maybe I'm a sociopath, or maybe I'm more enlightened, you choose. But I just don't get this putting up with shit just because "we're family!".

toasterlovin 8y ago
FWIW, the level of prosperity that we currently enjoy in the developed world is probably a once-every-100-million-years kind of event. It's a result of increasing technological sophistication concurrent with reduced fertility. At any other point in human history, you'd be a damned fool to cut off family without a lot of thought and consideration. Family + significant other is the only safety net that most humans have ever really been able to count on. Editing to add: and if you think your family won't be important in your life because you live in the developed world, you should take a look at current European politics, then talk to older Europeans about the second war (or to Eastern Europeans about life under communism).
- lgleason 8y ago
  This 100000% over.
- nate_meurer 8y ago
  > Family + significant other is the only safety net that most humans have ever really been able to count on. I think this is true, but it's also one of the most common and powerful ways in which abusers control their victims. Often, the most difficult challenge that victims of abuse and domestic violence face is overcoming their dependence, financial and otherwise, on their abusers.
- sigi45 8y ago
  I read an article about people from Syria coming to Germany without parents and talking about a level of freedom they never experienced before. Not having all your family around you and controlling you and living after there worldviews.
jstarfish 8y ago
You're not a sociopath. You're wise and strong enough to avoid abusive relationships where you see them. Many people can't, so they shame those that can by calling them heartless or sociopaths to justify why they keep toxic people around in their own lives. It's no wonder why cults, organized crime, shitty people and shitty employers appeal to sense of familial bond as well...peoples' innate need to be part of some "family" construct gets exploited as a cover for all sorts of abuse. You wouldn't want someone in your family to get in trouble for molesting or cheating you, would you? This will drag on for years, or decades of your life if you let it. Anytime anybody tries to appeal to family or tells you "we're just one big family here" to get you to do something, run for your life. Whatever you're about to get into will turn incestuous quickly.

toasterlovin 8y ago

FWIW, the level of prosperity that we currently enjoy in the developed world is probably a once-every-100-million-years kind of event. It's a result of increasing technological sophistication concurrent with reduced fertility. At any other point in human history, you'd be a damned fool to cut off family without a lot of thought and consideration. Family + significant other is the only safety net that most humans have ever really been able to count on. Editing to add: and if you think your family won't be important in your life because you live in the developed world, you should take a look at current European politics, then talk to older Europeans about the second war (or to Eastern Europeans about life under communism).

lgleason 8y ago
This 100000% over.
nate_meurer 8y ago
> Family + significant other is the only safety net that most humans have ever really been able to count on. I think this is true, but it's also one of the most common and powerful ways in which abusers control their victims. Often, the most difficult challenge that victims of abuse and domestic violence face is overcoming their dependence, financial and otherwise, on their abusers.
sigi45 8y ago
I read an article about people from Syria coming to Germany without parents and talking about a level of freedom they never experienced before. Not having all your family around you and controlling you and living after there worldviews.

jstarfish 8y ago

You're not a sociopath. You're wise and strong enough to avoid abusive relationships where you see them. Many people can't, so they shame those that can by calling them heartless or sociopaths to justify why they keep toxic people around in their own lives. It's no wonder why cults, organized crime, shitty people and shitty employers appeal to sense of familial bond as well...peoples' innate need to be part of some "family" construct gets exploited as a cover for all sorts of abuse. You wouldn't want someone in your family to get in trouble for molesting or cheating you, would you? This will drag on for years, or decades of your life if you let it. Anytime anybody tries to appeal to family or tells you "we're just one big family here" to get you to do something, run for your life. Whatever you're about to get into will turn incestuous quickly.