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Realistically, I don't think the point is to make the bully stop bullying, or even to win a fight. The point is to convince him to find an easier target.

by pjscott 16y ago

Jach 16y ago
Maybe the point should shift to the former. I'd feel awful if I knew my hitting a bully back just made him go pick on some other kid instead of me. We should be trying to change his behavior, not deflect your problems onto someone else.
- zaphar 16y ago
  You have about as much chance of changing his behavior by taking a beating and then talking to him as you do of winning the lottery. Talking alone does almost nothing. Now if you defend yourself and then treat the bully like a human being and even try to be a friend you might make some headway.
  - Jach 16y ago
    You may have replied to the wrong comment of mine, as my above comment didn't suggest that talking is the only way to change his behavior. Legal threats work very well, too, as do messages from their parents. When you suggest defending yourself, and then trying to be helpful in making the bully no longer a bully, that's a completely different strategy than what others are suggesting, one I wouldn't mind seeing tried out more! What others are suggesting is just beat the bully and now he's someone else's problem.
    - zaphar 16y ago
      your right I was replying to the wrong comment. While I may have educated my children in how to defend themselves. I have also taught them that every individual has value. My hope is that they understand the aggressor is also valuable enough treat with respect.
- Symmetry 16y ago
  Changing the behavior of bullies is the responsibility of adults, not the child being bullied. Of course we should be trying to change his behavior, but throwing that demand on your kid as he's being bullied is irresponsible.
  - Jach 16y ago
    I think it's the responsibility of everyone involved. This is why I don't like solutions which claim "The kid needs to learn independence, teach him how to do a chokehold and let him take it from there." or "The kid can sit back and let the adults handle things."

Realistically, I don't think the point is to make the bully stop bullying, or even to win a fight. The point is to convince him to find an easier target.

by pjscott 16y ago

Realistically, I don't think the point is to make the bully stop bullying, or even to win a fight. The point is to convince him to find an easier target.

Jach 16y ago

Maybe the point should shift to the former. I'd feel awful if I knew my hitting a bully back just made him go pick on some other kid instead of me. We should be trying to change his behavior, not deflect your problems onto someone else.

zaphar 16y ago
You have about as much chance of changing his behavior by taking a beating and then talking to him as you do of winning the lottery. Talking alone does almost nothing. Now if you defend yourself and then treat the bully like a human being and even try to be a friend you might make some headway.
- Jach 16y ago
  You may have replied to the wrong comment of mine, as my above comment didn't suggest that talking is the only way to change his behavior. Legal threats work very well, too, as do messages from their parents. When you suggest defending yourself, and then trying to be helpful in making the bully no longer a bully, that's a completely different strategy than what others are suggesting, one I wouldn't mind seeing tried out more! What others are suggesting is just beat the bully and now he's someone else's problem.
  - zaphar 16y ago
    your right I was replying to the wrong comment. While I may have educated my children in how to defend themselves. I have also taught them that every individual has value. My hope is that they understand the aggressor is also valuable enough treat with respect.
Symmetry 16y ago
Changing the behavior of bullies is the responsibility of adults, not the child being bullied. Of course we should be trying to change his behavior, but throwing that demand on your kid as he's being bullied is irresponsible.
- Jach 16y ago
  I think it's the responsibility of everyone involved. This is why I don't like solutions which claim "The kid needs to learn independence, teach him how to do a chokehold and let him take it from there." or "The kid can sit back and let the adults handle things."