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So your kid gets beat up. Then your kid beats up the bully. Then the bully comes back with a knife the next day. Or a gun. Bullying does escalate. Therefore, t

by seldo 16y ago

So your kid gets beat up. Then your kid beats up the bully. Then the bully comes back with a knife the next day. Or a gun. Bullying does escalate. Therefore, teaching your kid to escalate on their side as well just makes it happen faster. The solution to escalating warfare is to break the cycle.

chc 16y ago
The point is that it only escalates when it's not deterred. "Break the cycle" is a platitude, not advice. What is involved in breaking this cycle, if not stopping the bullies?
jules 16y ago
That's not the way it works in my experience. I'd also rather have it your way, but it just doesn't work.
siculars 16y ago
> The solution to escalating warfare is to break the cycle. That is not true. MAD worked in the cold war. The solution is to let the other side know you will not go gentle into that good night.
invisible 16y ago
The bullying cycle is this: bully on day #1 -> bully on day #365...repeat. I have witnessed people in school be bullied and them just ignore/deal with it politely and it didn't work for them until they freaked out and fought back.
sossles 16y ago
If your kid actually wins the fight, it humiliates the bully, then there's a risk that it will escalate. If your kid just gives the bully a few bruises but ultimately loses the fight then they've sent the message that they're not an easy target, and the bully has saved face.
roc 16y ago
That's fighting. Not bullying. Bullying is typified by a victim being picked-on mercilessly because he never fights back. Because the bullying tears him down. Because the bullied is a victim. Bullying isn't a contest for the bully. They do it precisely because it isn't. They're not trying to 'win', they're trying to make someone else feel as bad as they feel. If they can't do that, because the victim refuses to be victimized, they find a new victim or find a new outlet.

by seldo 16y ago

chc 16y ago

The point is that it only escalates when it's not deterred. "Break the cycle" is a platitude, not advice. What is involved in breaking this cycle, if not stopping the bullies?

jules 16y ago

That's not the way it works in my experience. I'd also rather have it your way, but it just doesn't work.

siculars 16y ago

> The solution to escalating warfare is to break the cycle. That is not true. MAD worked in the cold war. The solution is to let the other side know you will not go gentle into that good night.

invisible 16y ago

The bullying cycle is this: bully on day #1 -> bully on day #365...repeat. I have witnessed people in school be bullied and them just ignore/deal with it politely and it didn't work for them until they freaked out and fought back.

sossles 16y ago

If your kid actually wins the fight, it humiliates the bully, then there's a risk that it will escalate. If your kid just gives the bully a few bruises but ultimately loses the fight then they've sent the message that they're not an easy target, and the bully has saved face.

roc 16y ago

That's fighting. Not bullying. Bullying is typified by a victim being picked-on mercilessly because he never fights back. Because the bullying tears him down. Because the bullied is a victim. Bullying isn't a contest for the bully. They do it precisely because it isn't. They're not trying to 'win', they're trying to make someone else feel as bad as they feel. If they can't do that, because the victim refuses to be victimized, they find a new victim or find a new outlet.