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You don't end a fight by starting a fight. It works in theory, but it just causes a culture of violence. People who are bullied are bullied because of they way

You don't end a fight by starting a fight. It works in theory, but it just causes a culture of violence. People who are bullied are bullied because of they way they are perceived by others. You notice how there are a lot of neutral people who nobody bullies? There are the bullies on one extreme, then there are a lot of neutrals, then there are the bullied on the other extreme. Asking a person who is bullied to hit someone is not solving the problem at all, it is actually contributing to the 'weirdness' factor that made that person bullied in the first place. The people who are bullied are not bullied just because they look physically weak, but because they are giving off the wrong social vibe. Doing something like hitting someone is not addressing the real issue. To stop a child from being bullied, you need to address the short term problem, and you need to adress the long term problem. The short term problem is that the people need to stop, and the long term problem is that he needs to gain a lot of confidence and properly learn how to integrate himself in a social situation. He needs to learn to assert himself, and not be weak. The short term solution can be solved without violence. If a person is bullying you, and you just say nothing, just scowl and lean towards the person with your arms swinging free, look straight into the eyes of the people without blinking, speak in a low cold voice, then walk away without looking back you can almost always stop further aggravation. Most bullied people make the mistake of smiling and trying to laugh off the problem, then going into a body posture that says they are defensive, and hopping from foot to foot or fiddling with clothes, and looking down. This encourages the bullies, because you are displaying beta-male behaviour. The long term solution involves forcing the child into a lot of social activities, so that he learns how to establish and build social hierachies. Also, a lot of physical activity, particular where he can get to dominate, and also team sports where he is working with people less competent than him will also help teach him to assert himself. Saying somethin like "punch the person" is not only not very clever, it's also practically undoable for most bullied people. Most bullied kids are small wimpy and non-assertive kids. They can't punch anyone. Don't give this pointless advice.

sebg 16y ago
I agree with you and with Sebastian. As in most things, context needs to be given. In settings with 1 or 2 bullies, a show of strength is enough to have someone back down. In other settings with many bullies, I agree with max here in that it's better to solve it without violence. My mom taught for many years in urban inner-city high schools. Had she stood up to bullies who bullied other kids or teachers she would have had to deal with bullies whose parents had been shot or killed in drug deals. There is a different mentality there. Sometimes a show of strength is the best thing, sometimes a show of kindness is the best thing.
toast76 16y ago
It sounds like you're saying that it's the bullied kids fault because he's socially awkward? The point you've missed in this article isn't to START a fight. It's that if someone starts one with you, you better bloody well finish it. The key phrase, "as soon as someone puts their hands on you..." This isn't about defending an assault of words with an assault of fists. This is about defending yourself from violent, aggressive morons. Walking away from someone intent on hitting you will just result in you getting hit from behind. The best solution is to dig in and hope for the best. You're gonna cop a hiding anyway, at least defend yourself. I don't think anyone is suggesting violence as a solution to bullying. But you sure as hell can't defend yourself from violence by joining in more social activities.
JanezStupar 16y ago
Sorry for being snarky. But you were one of the neutrals, yes? You see - everything you said is true, just the order is completely wrong. You see, its impossible to do what you proposed as an act of assertion. Since one would need to already be confident and assertive. And that's just why its so hard to do if you're the weak bullied kid. You'd need to have solved the long term problem, before you can even think to tackle the short term.
philwelch 16y ago
I was a bullied kid. In middle school, teaching me to be less weird would have been pretty difficult. Teaching me to hit back--well, I didn't even have to be taught. Turned out hitting back stopped the bullying, and growing up stopped the weirdness (at least, I think it did). Your advice is probably good for kids who are just unpopular and weird. Once the line is crossed into violence, though, it's a different class of problem. There are only two responses to violence: involve the authorities, or if the authorities aren't present or don't care, hit back. The situation in that respect is more like prison than like coaching a weird kid in social skills. Culture of violence? That already exists as soon as kids are getting bullied. A culture of violence is only solved when adults in authority care enough to become involved. People don't physically bully each other at work because if you did, the police would take you to jail. People do physically bully each other in school and in prison because in both cases, the authorities don't care.
deleted 16y ago
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sebg 16y ago

I agree with you and with Sebastian. As in most things, context needs to be given. In settings with 1 or 2 bullies, a show of strength is enough to have someone back down. In other settings with many bullies, I agree with max here in that it's better to solve it without violence. My mom taught for many years in urban inner-city high schools. Had she stood up to bullies who bullied other kids or teachers she would have had to deal with bullies whose parents had been shot or killed in drug deals. There is a different mentality there. Sometimes a show of strength is the best thing, sometimes a show of kindness is the best thing.

toast76 16y ago

It sounds like you're saying that it's the bullied kids fault because he's socially awkward? The point you've missed in this article isn't to START a fight. It's that if someone starts one with you, you better bloody well finish it. The key phrase, "as soon as someone puts their hands on you..." This isn't about defending an assault of words with an assault of fists. This is about defending yourself from violent, aggressive morons. Walking away from someone intent on hitting you will just result in you getting hit from behind. The best solution is to dig in and hope for the best. You're gonna cop a hiding anyway, at least defend yourself. I don't think anyone is suggesting violence as a solution to bullying. But you sure as hell can't defend yourself from violence by joining in more social activities.

JanezStupar 16y ago

Sorry for being snarky. But you were one of the neutrals, yes? You see - everything you said is true, just the order is completely wrong. You see, its impossible to do what you proposed as an act of assertion. Since one would need to already be confident and assertive. And that's just why its so hard to do if you're the weak bullied kid. You'd need to have solved the long term problem, before you can even think to tackle the short term.

philwelch 16y ago

I was a bullied kid. In middle school, teaching me to be less weird would have been pretty difficult. Teaching me to hit back--well, I didn't even have to be taught. Turned out hitting back stopped the bullying, and growing up stopped the weirdness (at least, I think it did). Your advice is probably good for kids who are just unpopular and weird. Once the line is crossed into violence, though, it's a different class of problem. There are only two responses to violence: involve the authorities, or if the authorities aren't present or don't care, hit back. The situation in that respect is more like prison than like coaching a weird kid in social skills. Culture of violence? That already exists as soon as kids are getting bullied. A culture of violence is only solved when adults in authority care enough to become involved. People don't physically bully each other at work because if you did, the police would take you to jail. People do physically bully each other in school and in prison because in both cases, the authorities don't care.

deleted 16y ago

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