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I’m not disputing that gamification is a problem, but kids have been getting angry at parents for taking their toys away since the dawn of time.

by zrail 8y ago

TeMPOraL 8y ago
So it is with books. If a kid is deeply engaged with an activity, suddenly terminating it for arbitrary reason is a huge sign of disrespect from parents. Kids get as angry about this as adults, it's just that adults are trained to repress the anger. Consider: if you, as an adult, were immersed in a book or in a team sport, and I came up and ordered you to stop what you're doing right now and go do something else - wouldn't you feel at least a bit angry?
- zrail 8y ago
  Yep. We have started having our toddler press the start button on a timer when we need to transition to something else, primarily bed time routine. She presses the start button, goes back to playing, and then when the timer goes off she presses the stop button and is much more inclined to get through the transition without protesting. Really I think a lot of the “my kid got mad because X” comes down to setting proper expectations. Whenever we set expectations with her, and especially when she gets to participate in the setting, things go so much more smoothly. Not to say we’re perfect, far from it, but the contrast is striking.
  - WA 8y ago
    Works without a timer too: "Bed after you did X for three more times" or "read 5 more pages". Just prepare them mentally that something is going to happen soon.
  - citizenkeen 8y ago
    My wife and I don't allow much screen time, but for our toddler, with a lot of things... My wife is inclined to give "bonus minutes". I'm inclined to give warnings, as I've found the effect the same. My wife will come out and say "It's been ten minutes, we're moving on to X" and toddler will struggle so she'll say "two bonus minutes". I'll remind him after eight minutes that "he's got two minutes left". He'll ask for bonus minutes, but when I say no there isn't much of a struggle.
    - zrail 8y ago
      The nice thing about a timer is that it moves control away from you, even though you ultimately decide when to start the timer and how long it lasts. Seems like they’re less likely to argue with something that they initiated.
  - vorpalhex 8y ago
    The timer is a smart idea. I'm stealing that.
    - zrail 8y ago
      I stole it from someone else :) they actually use Alexa and have the kid say “Alexa set a timer for 5 minutes”. Works for a five year old, not so much for a two year old.
IggleSniggle 8y ago
Do you have kids? My toddler has all kinds of toys that he loves. A short time ago I thought I would try handing him an age appropriate, non-adware, educational iPhone game. The intensity of craving for “just one more minute” was unlike anything I have seen before or since. It’s on a whole different level. Although I know I’m going to need to teach him how to live in our screen-filled world, I’m not sure when I’m going to feel like he’s mature enough to face the intensely addictive properties of the thing. Frankly, my personal experience is that I’m not ready to appropriately handle their addictive properties for myself even now, so...
- zrail 8y ago
  I have two kids, a toddler and a newborn. The toddler gets mad when we take her away from anything she’s doing, for whatever reason. We haven’t really given her interactive iPad games yet because the one time we tried she was completely uninterested.
- ksdale 8y ago
  An anecdote from the flip side, our three kids have had very extensive access to screens since they’ve been able to use them, none of them have bad screen habits. They all happily put them down to play with anything else that seems interesting. Our working theory is that by not making screen time precious, we’ve made screens just another toy/tool/way to accomplish something, rather than something to be sought out for their own sake.
- Chris_Jay 8y ago
  I have no experience with this, but there are apps you can get which turn the screen from full colour to greytone. apparently it really cuts out the addictive quality for a lot of people.

I’m not disputing that gamification is a problem, but kids have been getting angry at parents for taking their toys away since the dawn of time.

by zrail 8y ago

I’m not disputing that gamification is a problem, but kids have been getting angry at parents for taking their toys away since the dawn of time.

TeMPOraL 8y ago

So it is with books. If a kid is deeply engaged with an activity, suddenly terminating it for arbitrary reason is a huge sign of disrespect from parents. Kids get as angry about this as adults, it's just that adults are trained to repress the anger. Consider: if you, as an adult, were immersed in a book or in a team sport, and I came up and ordered you to stop what you're doing right now and go do something else - wouldn't you feel at least a bit angry?

zrail 8y ago
Yep. We have started having our toddler press the start button on a timer when we need to transition to something else, primarily bed time routine. She presses the start button, goes back to playing, and then when the timer goes off she presses the stop button and is much more inclined to get through the transition without protesting. Really I think a lot of the “my kid got mad because X” comes down to setting proper expectations. Whenever we set expectations with her, and especially when she gets to participate in the setting, things go so much more smoothly. Not to say we’re perfect, far from it, but the contrast is striking.
- WA 8y ago
  Works without a timer too: "Bed after you did X for three more times" or "read 5 more pages". Just prepare them mentally that something is going to happen soon.
- citizenkeen 8y ago
  My wife and I don't allow much screen time, but for our toddler, with a lot of things... My wife is inclined to give "bonus minutes". I'm inclined to give warnings, as I've found the effect the same. My wife will come out and say "It's been ten minutes, we're moving on to X" and toddler will struggle so she'll say "two bonus minutes". I'll remind him after eight minutes that "he's got two minutes left". He'll ask for bonus minutes, but when I say no there isn't much of a struggle.
  - zrail 8y ago
    The nice thing about a timer is that it moves control away from you, even though you ultimately decide when to start the timer and how long it lasts. Seems like they’re less likely to argue with something that they initiated.
- vorpalhex 8y ago
  The timer is a smart idea. I'm stealing that.
  - zrail 8y ago
    I stole it from someone else :) they actually use Alexa and have the kid say “Alexa set a timer for 5 minutes”. Works for a five year old, not so much for a two year old.

IggleSniggle 8y ago

Do you have kids? My toddler has all kinds of toys that he loves. A short time ago I thought I would try handing him an age appropriate, non-adware, educational iPhone game. The intensity of craving for “just one more minute” was unlike anything I have seen before or since. It’s on a whole different level. Although I know I’m going to need to teach him how to live in our screen-filled world, I’m not sure when I’m going to feel like he’s mature enough to face the intensely addictive properties of the thing. Frankly, my personal experience is that I’m not ready to appropriately handle their addictive properties for myself even now, so...

zrail 8y ago
I have two kids, a toddler and a newborn. The toddler gets mad when we take her away from anything she’s doing, for whatever reason. We haven’t really given her interactive iPad games yet because the one time we tried she was completely uninterested.
ksdale 8y ago
An anecdote from the flip side, our three kids have had very extensive access to screens since they’ve been able to use them, none of them have bad screen habits. They all happily put them down to play with anything else that seems interesting. Our working theory is that by not making screen time precious, we’ve made screens just another toy/tool/way to accomplish something, rather than something to be sought out for their own sake.
Chris_Jay 8y ago
I have no experience with this, but there are apps you can get which turn the screen from full colour to greytone. apparently it really cuts out the addictive quality for a lot of people.