This kind of makes me want to fight fire with fire and return any such question with an exhaustive (and exhausting) list of probes for edge conditions: "How bi

This kind of makes me want to fight fire with fire and return any such question with an exhaustive (and exhausting) list of probes for edge conditions: "How big is the database? What OS are you running? Do you have shell access? How is the database encoded? Are you backing up to the local filesystem or to another database? If another database, is it local or remote? Do you have physical access to the machine? If not, is it a dedicated server or VPS? How close to Daylight Savings Time are you? What is the current phase of the moon? Is the machine currently on fire? Are you grass or rock type pokemon?"