5 ms·

The question remains: how is this a big deal? So what if she thinks people are judging her. Acknowledge it, ignore it, and move on with your time. We cannot see

The question remains: how is this a big deal? So what if she thinks people are judging her. Acknowledge it, ignore it, and move on with your time. We cannot seek to universally police the behavior of others, but we can control our own reactions to it. If she is uncomfortable with answering questions about why she doesn't wish to drink, she can just respond that she doesn't want to. It really does seem that simple to me.

PhasmaFelis 8y ago
These aren't casual social events, they're important industry networking opportunities. Being judged there can negatively impact your career. Also, some of the people mentioned are recovering alcoholics who just want to be able to get a drink of water without having to go up to the bar. All of this is in the article.
- andonisus 8y ago
  The article speaks about feeling judged, not actually being judged. I am quite certain that no one at these conferences (or at social networking events of any kind which involved alcohol) cares if someone is abstaining from alcohol.
  - eesmith 8y ago
    How are you certain that no one at these conferences makes these sorts of judgments? One of the examples from the article is: > When she was a graduate student looking for a job, Medici was especially aware of the conclusions that people might draw from her choices. She's married, and she didn't want people to assume that because she was without a drink, she might be pregnant. A mentor advised her that people could make that assumption, and passed along the club-soda trick. I can how someone might infer that if a woman is not drinking then she is likely pregnant. I also know that pregnancy discrimination in hiring is a thing - illegal in the US, but still a real thing. This seems like the sort of judgement that you says doesn't happen. I can't see how you can be sure that no one at academic conferences makes this sort of inference.
  - PhasmaFelis 8y ago
    The world is really a much simpler place if you assume that any concerns you haven't personally experienced are imaginary.
    - andonisus 8y ago
      It's not the the concerns are imaginary, it's that they are inconsequential. Everyone will have an opinion about everything they interact with; this is the human experience. You can't control the fact that others will form opinions about you and your actions, but you can control how you react regarding this.

PhasmaFelis 8y ago

These aren't casual social events, they're important industry networking opportunities. Being judged there can negatively impact your career. Also, some of the people mentioned are recovering alcoholics who just want to be able to get a drink of water without having to go up to the bar. All of this is in the article.

andonisus 8y ago
The article speaks about feeling judged, not actually being judged. I am quite certain that no one at these conferences (or at social networking events of any kind which involved alcohol) cares if someone is abstaining from alcohol.
- eesmith 8y ago
  How are you certain that no one at these conferences makes these sorts of judgments? One of the examples from the article is: > When she was a graduate student looking for a job, Medici was especially aware of the conclusions that people might draw from her choices. She's married, and she didn't want people to assume that because she was without a drink, she might be pregnant. A mentor advised her that people could make that assumption, and passed along the club-soda trick. I can how someone might infer that if a woman is not drinking then she is likely pregnant. I also know that pregnancy discrimination in hiring is a thing - illegal in the US, but still a real thing. This seems like the sort of judgement that you says doesn't happen. I can't see how you can be sure that no one at academic conferences makes this sort of inference.
- PhasmaFelis 8y ago
  The world is really a much simpler place if you assume that any concerns you haven't personally experienced are imaginary.
  - andonisus 8y ago
    It's not the the concerns are imaginary, it's that they are inconsequential. Everyone will have an opinion about everything they interact with; this is the human experience. You can't control the fact that others will form opinions about you and your actions, but you can control how you react regarding this.