4 ms·

I am in my early 30s and struggled a lot with the social pressure of getting married, buying a house and having kids, all things I’ve never wanted to do since a

I am in my early 30s and struggled a lot with the social pressure of getting married, buying a house and having kids, all things I’ve never wanted to do since as far as I can remember. I refused to obey to those social norms, which has caused several social connections to fade (especially in my original home country), as well as "disappointment" in my family, despite being successful in my career and many other areas of my life. However, I’m lucky enough that I found, for the moment at least, a woman as a partner who thinks the same as me, namely that love and companionship is enough to fuel life without having to “waste” it away raising kids or paying mortgages.

growlist 8y ago
The actual wedding event itself seems like such a cringey bizarre anachronism to me: a mishmash of clashing traditions involving lashings of schmaltz that barely manage to hide more primitive considerations.
- AznHisoka 8y ago
  The wedding is mostly for the guests, they say, which I totally agree. However, half the guests hate the burden of feeling obligated to go. They rather not waste a precious weekend. Why not do everyone a favor, and just not celebrate? :)
  - grawprog 8y ago
    Personally i've probably had more positive experiences at the funerals i've gone to in my life so far than the weddings. I've had poor luck attending weddings....they always seem to end in a shitshow.
Chris_Chambers 8y ago
Having children isn’t a social norm, it’s a genetic imperative. You aren’t rebelling against anyone but yourself when you refuse to reproduce. Furthermore, you are actually a perfect example of someone who follows all the rules, because proudly rejecting reproduction to instead raise a “fur baby” with a confused woman is the most common substitute for that genetic imperative in liberal cities, and now you’re following that script to the letter.
ekaulakis 8y ago
You embody the death of our civilization. Have you ever felt gratitude for the systems which you count on to sustain you? “One worthless generation and done”...occurs seldom in history .
deanmoriarty 8y ago
I just wanted to report that someone (https://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=ekaulakis https://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=ekaulakis) left this comment, and then deleted it before I could reply: " You embody the death of our civilization. Have you ever felt gratitude for the systems which you count on to sustain you? " This is exactly the kind of reaction that I am facing from social connections and family for living a "non-normal" life, where everybody tries to make me feel incredibly guilty for taking a decision of not having kids and pursue other activities in the incredibly limited amount of time I have on this planet.
- justaguyhere 8y ago
  I am in the same boat, having decided not to have kids. IMHO, the best we can do with people is ignore them. This becomes difficult if they are close relatives like parents or siblings, should be relatively easy with others.
- seren 8y ago
  On the other hand, I sometimes ponder if we are not going to run our 'civilization' into a wall by relentlessly keeping having children, so I am not sure at this point that the most rationale decision is to keep going like the last few millennia.

growlist 8y ago

The actual wedding event itself seems like such a cringey bizarre anachronism to me: a mishmash of clashing traditions involving lashings of schmaltz that barely manage to hide more primitive considerations.

AznHisoka 8y ago
The wedding is mostly for the guests, they say, which I totally agree. However, half the guests hate the burden of feeling obligated to go. They rather not waste a precious weekend. Why not do everyone a favor, and just not celebrate? :)
- grawprog 8y ago
  Personally i've probably had more positive experiences at the funerals i've gone to in my life so far than the weddings. I've had poor luck attending weddings....they always seem to end in a shitshow.

Chris_Chambers 8y ago

Having children isn’t a social norm, it’s a genetic imperative. You aren’t rebelling against anyone but yourself when you refuse to reproduce. Furthermore, you are actually a perfect example of someone who follows all the rules, because proudly rejecting reproduction to instead raise a “fur baby” with a confused woman is the most common substitute for that genetic imperative in liberal cities, and now you’re following that script to the letter.

ekaulakis 8y ago

You embody the death of our civilization. Have you ever felt gratitude for the systems which you count on to sustain you? “One worthless generation and done”...occurs seldom in history .

deanmoriarty 8y ago

I just wanted to report that someone (https://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=ekaulakis https://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=ekaulakis) left this comment, and then deleted it before I could reply: " You embody the death of our civilization. Have you ever felt gratitude for the systems which you count on to sustain you? " This is exactly the kind of reaction that I am facing from social connections and family for living a "non-normal" life, where everybody tries to make me feel incredibly guilty for taking a decision of not having kids and pursue other activities in the incredibly limited amount of time I have on this planet.

justaguyhere 8y ago
I am in the same boat, having decided not to have kids. IMHO, the best we can do with people is ignore them. This becomes difficult if they are close relatives like parents or siblings, should be relatively easy with others.
seren 8y ago
On the other hand, I sometimes ponder if we are not going to run our 'civilization' into a wall by relentlessly keeping having children, so I am not sure at this point that the most rationale decision is to keep going like the last few millennia.