6 ms·

Ask HN: Struggling with mental disorders, looking for advice

5 points by depressiontw 8y ago

Throwaway for obvious reasons. I've been diagnosed with all kinds of stuff, including schizophrenia, OCD, depression, etc. (The docs aren't even sure themselves what I have) been through various medications and therapies, none of them seem to help. Struggling with suicidal thoughts on a daily basis, nothing brings me joy etc. I think my problem are only something which can be treated with medications, but I've tried so many and the docs aren't sure what to do with me anymore. Has anyone been in a similar situation and found a way out? Thanks in advance.

skilled 8y ago
What do you spend most time worrying about? And has your mental disorder got any connection to spirituality? I have been down this road many times and have immense experience, and will from time to time get sucked in there myself because I'm being careless. Also, habits? Smoking, drinking? Good if not. Bad if yes. Btw, thanks for the honesty. When I do go down, I struggle with the same stuff... and it takes guts to admit that to yourself and others. And get off your meds. It's not worth it. I have had a tab of Valium (12 pills) last me for the last 2 years. I only take it when I get an ultra panic attack, and mine tend to be the out of this fucking world kind... And friends I know that sat on pills for a long time said they eventually fuck you up even more. For this, I would suggest getting into a regular exercise regime despite how shitty it is to get up and do that stuff... Happy to hear your thoughts and give some general advice.
- depressiontw 8y ago
  >What do you spend most time worrying about? I don't really worry about much, it's just the general apathy and anhedonia. What does restrict me are traumatic things I've done thanks to my schizophrenia/psychosis. Yes, I smoke pot (I know this is a stupid thing to do if you've been diagnosed with schizophrenia, but it's the only thing bringing me joy anymore) I tried getting of my meds, but notice getting really restless and my thoughts begin to race when I do so.
new_guy 8y ago
They can't diagnose you because you're fine, it's your environment that's poisoning you. Have you thought about just saying f*ck it and going on a trip? Not just a day or so but a week, a month, a year, get away from your current situation. Rediscover yourself and live!
- depressiontw 8y ago
  >Have you thought about just saying f*ck it and going on a trip? Not just a day or so but a week, a month, a year, get away from your current situation. Rediscover yourself and live! Thought of doing something like this, that requires money though, which I don't have.
  - deleted 8y ago
    [deleted]
chmaynard 8y ago
Yes. Thanks for reaching out in a public forum, that takes courage. I'm happy to share the details of my story with you privately.
- depressiontw 8y ago
  Where can I reach out to you?
  - chmaynard 8y ago
    Send me an email via corememory.io and we can arrange a phone call or meeting.
    - depressiontw 8y ago
      Sent.
deleted 8y ago
[deleted]
ishan1121 8y ago
I was in a similar phase (not schizophrenia) but others yes. Meditation helped me a lot. Going out and meeting new people will also help you. Depression happens due to you stuck in one place, with no way out. Just go out daily, experience new things you are good to go. Stay away from smoking, drinking, movies, tv shows, porn, and interent in general for a while. Trust me you will be back up in no time. And lastly exercies daily. Go for a morning run (around 6 am) and then join a gym or a fighting class.
webmobdev 8y ago
> I've been diagnosed with all kinds of stuff, including schizophrenia, OCD, depression, etc. (The docs aren't even sure themselves what I have) This sounds all wrong to me, and obviously will be very stressful for you. You need to find a good hospital / doctor and get yourself diagnosed right. And only then can you consider the right treatment for what ails you (I know this must be obvious to you, but I want to emphasise it). Depending on what you suffer from, life long medications might not even be required (though will be helpful during therapy). For example, depression and OCD can be successfully treated with therapy. While I am averse to recommending self-help without knowing what you suffer from, I highly recommend that you read "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by Dr. David Burns ( https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380810336/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0 https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380810336/ref=dbs_a_def_r... ). The author is a real doctor and a trained Psychiatrist and explains how cognitive therapy can be effectively used to treat depressions and anxiety. And he also explains how anti-depressants works technically (you can skip that chapter if you find it too technical). It is well written and everything is explained in an easy to understand manner.
DyslexicAtheist 8y ago
sorry the topic got me reflecting and apologies in advance I got totally carried away: I've seen a lot of acquaintances (some of them friends) who over this past decade (starting when they reached their mid 30ies till mid-40ies) who went through some varieties of a mental breakdown, and which they're still recovering from 10-15 years later. Some of them got help. One of them hanged himself. All of them male. I couldn't help tuning into their life as it touched me, not just because they were close but because I also struggled a lot too and I engaged also to find a cure for my own cursed life. In my case it was because I needed to unfuck the things that got fucked when I was a child (abuse by my mother from a young age both physical & sexual). I ran all my life from it and turned running even into a life-style (lived all over the world since the mid 90ies and still do so until today). I chose to live in some war torn terrifying places to feel alive and took some of the most dangerous jobs just for shits and giggles. I witnessed my first religious motivated murder when I got off the bus in Banda Aceh just after leaving my home country the first time ever to travel. I even started running literally to calm myself, first 10km, then half-marathons then marathons then ultra-marathons. Running 7 days a week for a min of 2 hours. I have no roots. Running both figuratively and literally helped me get through life without thinking to off-myself. I sometimes come across as lacking empathy. Though my problem is that I have too much empathy in some cases that makes me feel connected to causes that then causes me to go nuts over certain topics that I feel too strongly about. I've also had my episodes here on HN where I advocated violence against causes that are dear to me (protection of nature/animals/biosphere etc at all costs and I was rightly put in place by the mods - thanks for putting up with my shit dang). In the last 2 years I went through some kind of transformation. idk still what exactly triggered it, ... probably a combination of many things. I was always suspicious of medical help because I felt that my life was so complex and unique that nobody on this planet who went through the canned-curriculum of an academic institution could even fathom how I tick or help me. And besides I managed the first 35 years without killing myself so I'd surely get through this now. Also (more on this later) the experience from the friends I had who chose professional help terrified me for many reasons. I'd never tell anyone to seek professional help (sorry there won't be any of that here). First change I made was to leave my family - I chose a wife who hit me like my mother when I was a child and who would mentally abuse me in ways I can't go into here both because it's too complex and too fucked up. My wife struggled with depression (and a fucked up childhood too so we really kind of found another). I figured it would be better to just leave them all rather than to make the kids put up with 2 depressed parents (or the risk of one of us killing themselves). It didn't seem fair to the kids as I didn't want to repeat the same lies served by my own parents. Neither my wife nor myself ever hit the children and they were our only thing that was sacred (she spent lot of time with them while I tried to make a gazillion to ensure they had everything. On the outside we were looked up to by friends and even the kids had no idea until they became teenagers when it all came tumbling down. I left them and never had a chance of seeing them again mostly because they now hate me and my ex also thinks I'm trash for leaving. In my new place I started smoking weed because the pain of having my kids think I left them was almost unbearable - and still is until today. Their mother telling them I left them like a garbage runaway-father. And thanks to her denying me access it means that I'll probably not see them ever again since by now they also believe that I left for the reason my ex claims. What I'm trying to say is that in order to make things better I couldn't just improve stuff. I had to dismantle all the bullshit first. And that dismantling caused even more harm in the short and medium term. The idea to fix things without also destroying some parts is an illusion. I couldn't have stayed there and make it work otherwise I would be dead, or my wife would have killed herself, or god forbid the kids get as fucked up as their parents (after all the only thing that both my wife and me did well was look after them in the way we did. 1/3
throw_fairy123 8y ago
Throwaway for obvious reasons. But here is what had happened to me: - Anxiety disorder, OCD, depression and paranoia I had intense suicidal thoughts and living life was a pain. I went to a therapist and it did not help. I instead met a patient at the therapist's clinic who told me that I would be given shock treatments and will eventually go crazy. That was over all a very bad experience and made it all worse. To be honest I realized how all these problems manifested in the first place. I had been indulging myself into intense philosophical content and solipsism (theory that we cannot verify the nature of reality of anyone but ourselves). I remember waking up from a dream and not being sure if the waking state was a dream or not. It was the most frightening experience. I used to write on my palm everyday that, "Survive this day". I tried my best to stay afloat. Skip to current day: I have completely recovered and in the process of fighting these mental illnesses, I have developed excellent coping mechanism. I have become more kind and matured. I have learnt to rationalize my thoughts and over all I'm more content than anyone in my immediate social circle. Here are a few things that helped me: - I noticed that my thought process had become super confused. My thoughts were chaotic. For example, at one point I decided that doing X will be my way out of this mental suffering and then a few moments later Y would seem like the only option. I finally came to the conclusion that I cannot trust my mind's decision making ability in this state. Both X and Y could be equally good options but the mind, in a depressed state, becomes so chaotic that it can very quickly switch its stand. Solution: Whenever you want to decide upon something, select any option, without analyzing it, and just do that. If you have a trusted family member or a friend then make them decide for you. Avoid assessing any decision and spend more time on executing it. - Physical activity is a great way of reallocating the mental energy. I realized that any sort of physical activity like cooking a meal, walking etc indulges my mind a lot. If you need a quick break from the mental chaos, try to physically engage yourself. I go for cycle rides at night and eat at a place where there are a lot of people - Mind is a treacherous friend. For a brief period in my life, I thought that I was going to go crazy beyond any repair. Although nothing really happened, the very thought that something could, drove me crazy. Be aware of such thinking traps. Go here and check them out: https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/ThinkingTraps.pdf https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/ThinkingTr... - Probably the most helpful point is this one:- How to deal with your reality? Answer: Surrender to your reality. I felt a huge shock when I looked back at myself and whatever I was going through. I was still not ready to accept that my suffering is here to stay for a little long. I couldn't focus on work or even the simplest tasks. It was hopeless and very painful. But slowly I convinced myself that its okay to suffer and my achievements are greater if I can thrive despite of my suffering. And I slowly started accepting that this unpleasantness will never leave me and all my efforts to treat it are futile. And that's how you trick your self-preservation instinct. Just surrender to your reality. Accept whatever bad thought comes to you. It's very hard and scary to do so but, once you do, you will immediately notice that your mind just frees up. The preservation instinct drowns and you finally allow your brain to forget these unpleasant experiences. - Dealing with suicidal thoughts: The way I dealt with it was, I kept setting a date to commit suicide. If I really feel suicidal today, I'd decide that 2 months from now, I'll end it all. And then my mind would become free from suicidal thoughts because it had an exact estimate as to how long it has to endure the unpleasantness. So I decided that I'd give life a chance until I am 32 and then every time I had a suicidal thought, I remind myself of this deadline and then I'd feel a little better. - Also, start helping people in whatever little way possible. It helped me a lot. It helped me cope with my suicidal thoughts. Being of use to someone, even if in a small way, will send massive signals to your mind that make the suicidal thoughts go away. On an ending note, I just really want you to get better. I have been in a very tough situation and trust me you can get out. Learn more about your mind and rationalize it and understand that its stupid. Struggle as much as you can but stay afloat. Your experiences will help someone else! And don't try to solve your problems and let go man. I will be coming back to check on this to see if you need any help or need to reach out to me.
mhkool 8y ago
I suggest to go to www.brokenbrain.com where Dr Mark Hyman explains which root causes lead to mental disorders and how to fix it.

5 points by depressiontw 8y ago

skilled 8y ago

What do you spend most time worrying about? And has your mental disorder got any connection to spirituality? I have been down this road many times and have immense experience, and will from time to time get sucked in there myself because I'm being careless. Also, habits? Smoking, drinking? Good if not. Bad if yes. Btw, thanks for the honesty. When I do go down, I struggle with the same stuff... and it takes guts to admit that to yourself and others. And get off your meds. It's not worth it. I have had a tab of Valium (12 pills) last me for the last 2 years. I only take it when I get an ultra panic attack, and mine tend to be the out of this fucking world kind... And friends I know that sat on pills for a long time said they eventually fuck you up even more. For this, I would suggest getting into a regular exercise regime despite how shitty it is to get up and do that stuff... Happy to hear your thoughts and give some general advice.

depressiontw 8y ago
>What do you spend most time worrying about? I don't really worry about much, it's just the general apathy and anhedonia. What does restrict me are traumatic things I've done thanks to my schizophrenia/psychosis. Yes, I smoke pot (I know this is a stupid thing to do if you've been diagnosed with schizophrenia, but it's the only thing bringing me joy anymore) I tried getting of my meds, but notice getting really restless and my thoughts begin to race when I do so.

new_guy 8y ago

They can't diagnose you because you're fine, it's your environment that's poisoning you. Have you thought about just saying f*ck it and going on a trip? Not just a day or so but a week, a month, a year, get away from your current situation. Rediscover yourself and live!

depressiontw 8y ago
>Have you thought about just saying f*ck it and going on a trip? Not just a day or so but a week, a month, a year, get away from your current situation. Rediscover yourself and live! Thought of doing something like this, that requires money though, which I don't have.
- deleted 8y ago
  [deleted]

chmaynard 8y ago

Yes. Thanks for reaching out in a public forum, that takes courage. I'm happy to share the details of my story with you privately.

depressiontw 8y ago
Where can I reach out to you?
- chmaynard 8y ago
  Send me an email via corememory.io and we can arrange a phone call or meeting.
  - depressiontw 8y ago
    Sent.

deleted 8y ago

[deleted]

ishan1121 8y ago

I was in a similar phase (not schizophrenia) but others yes. Meditation helped me a lot. Going out and meeting new people will also help you. Depression happens due to you stuck in one place, with no way out. Just go out daily, experience new things you are good to go. Stay away from smoking, drinking, movies, tv shows, porn, and interent in general for a while. Trust me you will be back up in no time. And lastly exercies daily. Go for a morning run (around 6 am) and then join a gym or a fighting class.

webmobdev 8y ago

> I've been diagnosed with all kinds of stuff, including schizophrenia, OCD, depression, etc. (The docs aren't even sure themselves what I have) This sounds all wrong to me, and obviously will be very stressful for you. You need to find a good hospital / doctor and get yourself diagnosed right. And only then can you consider the right treatment for what ails you (I know this must be obvious to you, but I want to emphasise it). Depending on what you suffer from, life long medications might not even be required (though will be helpful during therapy). For example, depression and OCD can be successfully treated with therapy. While I am averse to recommending self-help without knowing what you suffer from, I highly recommend that you read "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by Dr. David Burns ( https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380810336/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0 https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380810336/ref=dbs_a_def_r... ). The author is a real doctor and a trained Psychiatrist and explains how cognitive therapy can be effectively used to treat depressions and anxiety. And he also explains how anti-depressants works technically (you can skip that chapter if you find it too technical). It is well written and everything is explained in an easy to understand manner.

DyslexicAtheist 8y ago

sorry the topic got me reflecting and apologies in advance I got totally carried away: I've seen a lot of acquaintances (some of them friends) who over this past decade (starting when they reached their mid 30ies till mid-40ies) who went through some varieties of a mental breakdown, and which they're still recovering from 10-15 years later. Some of them got help. One of them hanged himself. All of them male. I couldn't help tuning into their life as it touched me, not just because they were close but because I also struggled a lot too and I engaged also to find a cure for my own cursed life. In my case it was because I needed to unfuck the things that got fucked when I was a child (abuse by my mother from a young age both physical & sexual). I ran all my life from it and turned running even into a life-style (lived all over the world since the mid 90ies and still do so until today). I chose to live in some war torn terrifying places to feel alive and took some of the most dangerous jobs just for shits and giggles. I witnessed my first religious motivated murder when I got off the bus in Banda Aceh just after leaving my home country the first time ever to travel. I even started running literally to calm myself, first 10km, then half-marathons then marathons then ultra-marathons. Running 7 days a week for a min of 2 hours. I have no roots. Running both figuratively and literally helped me get through life without thinking to off-myself. I sometimes come across as lacking empathy. Though my problem is that I have too much empathy in some cases that makes me feel connected to causes that then causes me to go nuts over certain topics that I feel too strongly about. I've also had my episodes here on HN where I advocated violence against causes that are dear to me (protection of nature/animals/biosphere etc at all costs and I was rightly put in place by the mods - thanks for putting up with my shit dang). In the last 2 years I went through some kind of transformation. idk still what exactly triggered it, ... probably a combination of many things. I was always suspicious of medical help because I felt that my life was so complex and unique that nobody on this planet who went through the canned-curriculum of an academic institution could even fathom how I tick or help me. And besides I managed the first 35 years without killing myself so I'd surely get through this now. Also (more on this later) the experience from the friends I had who chose professional help terrified me for many reasons. I'd never tell anyone to seek professional help (sorry there won't be any of that here). First change I made was to leave my family - I chose a wife who hit me like my mother when I was a child and who would mentally abuse me in ways I can't go into here both because it's too complex and too fucked up. My wife struggled with depression (and a fucked up childhood too so we really kind of found another). I figured it would be better to just leave them all rather than to make the kids put up with 2 depressed parents (or the risk of one of us killing themselves). It didn't seem fair to the kids as I didn't want to repeat the same lies served by my own parents. Neither my wife nor myself ever hit the children and they were our only thing that was sacred (she spent lot of time with them while I tried to make a gazillion to ensure they had everything. On the outside we were looked up to by friends and even the kids had no idea until they became teenagers when it all came tumbling down. I left them and never had a chance of seeing them again mostly because they now hate me and my ex also thinks I'm trash for leaving. In my new place I started smoking weed because the pain of having my kids think I left them was almost unbearable - and still is until today. Their mother telling them I left them like a garbage runaway-father. And thanks to her denying me access it means that I'll probably not see them ever again since by now they also believe that I left for the reason my ex claims. What I'm trying to say is that in order to make things better I couldn't just improve stuff. I had to dismantle all the bullshit first. And that dismantling caused even more harm in the short and medium term. The idea to fix things without also destroying some parts is an illusion. I couldn't have stayed there and make it work otherwise I would be dead, or my wife would have killed herself, or god forbid the kids get as fucked up as their parents (after all the only thing that both my wife and me did well was look after them in the way we did. 1/3

throw_fairy123 8y ago

Throwaway for obvious reasons. But here is what had happened to me: - Anxiety disorder, OCD, depression and paranoia I had intense suicidal thoughts and living life was a pain. I went to a therapist and it did not help. I instead met a patient at the therapist's clinic who told me that I would be given shock treatments and will eventually go crazy. That was over all a very bad experience and made it all worse. To be honest I realized how all these problems manifested in the first place. I had been indulging myself into intense philosophical content and solipsism (theory that we cannot verify the nature of reality of anyone but ourselves). I remember waking up from a dream and not being sure if the waking state was a dream or not. It was the most frightening experience. I used to write on my palm everyday that, "Survive this day". I tried my best to stay afloat. Skip to current day: I have completely recovered and in the process of fighting these mental illnesses, I have developed excellent coping mechanism. I have become more kind and matured. I have learnt to rationalize my thoughts and over all I'm more content than anyone in my immediate social circle. Here are a few things that helped me: - I noticed that my thought process had become super confused. My thoughts were chaotic. For example, at one point I decided that doing X will be my way out of this mental suffering and then a few moments later Y would seem like the only option. I finally came to the conclusion that I cannot trust my mind's decision making ability in this state. Both X and Y could be equally good options but the mind, in a depressed state, becomes so chaotic that it can very quickly switch its stand. Solution: Whenever you want to decide upon something, select any option, without analyzing it, and just do that. If you have a trusted family member or a friend then make them decide for you. Avoid assessing any decision and spend more time on executing it. - Physical activity is a great way of reallocating the mental energy. I realized that any sort of physical activity like cooking a meal, walking etc indulges my mind a lot. If you need a quick break from the mental chaos, try to physically engage yourself. I go for cycle rides at night and eat at a place where there are a lot of people - Mind is a treacherous friend. For a brief period in my life, I thought that I was going to go crazy beyond any repair. Although nothing really happened, the very thought that something could, drove me crazy. Be aware of such thinking traps. Go here and check them out: https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/ThinkingTraps.pdf https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/ThinkingTr... - Probably the most helpful point is this one:- How to deal with your reality? Answer: Surrender to your reality. I felt a huge shock when I looked back at myself and whatever I was going through. I was still not ready to accept that my suffering is here to stay for a little long. I couldn't focus on work or even the simplest tasks. It was hopeless and very painful. But slowly I convinced myself that its okay to suffer and my achievements are greater if I can thrive despite of my suffering. And I slowly started accepting that this unpleasantness will never leave me and all my efforts to treat it are futile. And that's how you trick your self-preservation instinct. Just surrender to your reality. Accept whatever bad thought comes to you. It's very hard and scary to do so but, once you do, you will immediately notice that your mind just frees up. The preservation instinct drowns and you finally allow your brain to forget these unpleasant experiences. - Dealing with suicidal thoughts: The way I dealt with it was, I kept setting a date to commit suicide. If I really feel suicidal today, I'd decide that 2 months from now, I'll end it all. And then my mind would become free from suicidal thoughts because it had an exact estimate as to how long it has to endure the unpleasantness. So I decided that I'd give life a chance until I am 32 and then every time I had a suicidal thought, I remind myself of this deadline and then I'd feel a little better. - Also, start helping people in whatever little way possible. It helped me a lot. It helped me cope with my suicidal thoughts. Being of use to someone, even if in a small way, will send massive signals to your mind that make the suicidal thoughts go away. On an ending note, I just really want you to get better. I have been in a very tough situation and trust me you can get out. Learn more about your mind and rationalize it and understand that its stupid. Struggle as much as you can but stay afloat. Your experiences will help someone else! And don't try to solve your problems and let go man. I will be coming back to check on this to see if you need any help or need to reach out to me.

mhkool 8y ago

I suggest to go to www.brokenbrain.com where Dr Mark Hyman explains which root causes lead to mental disorders and how to fix it.