3 ms·

Ironically we end up creating a ton of anxiety for kids. And unless we’re giving kids the love and tools needed to process that anxiety, well, then we’re missin

by gdubs 8y ago

Ironically we end up creating a ton of anxiety for kids. And unless we’re giving kids the love and tools needed to process that anxiety, well, then we’re missing the forest for the trees. I have three kids under five years old, and man it goes fast. My philosophy has evolved to this: they’re their own people, not extensions of our own ego, and in the limited time we have influence over them we can help them develop core habits that will be useful throughout their lives.

GreeniFi 8y ago
How do you do this?
- xamuel 8y ago
  Not the person you replied to, but re: forming good habits: I make a point that instead of saying e.g. "Wow, you're so good at drawing" to my kids, instead I say e.g. "Wow, you're getting so good at drawing because you keep practicing so much! It feels so good to practice and improve!" Works great so far :)
  - GreeniFi 8y ago
    Thanks!
bootsz 8y ago
> they’re their own people, not extensions of our own ego So true. I feel like a large portion of all the conflict that arises between parents and children stems from a failure to understand this.
knight17 8y ago
"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bow from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrow may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable." - The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran I got the above from an HN comment on the topic of raising kids. I noted it in my personal wiki and this changed the way I think about this topic. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11006199 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11006199 Gibran's The Prophet was published in 1923 so it is now (2019) in the public domain in the USA. http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/58585 http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/58585
fatnoah 8y ago
>My philosophy has evolved to this: they’re their own people, not extensions of our own ego, and in the limited time we have influence over them we can help them develop core habits that will be useful throughout their lives. Well said. This is basically the philosophy my wife and I developed for our now 11 year old. The temptation to hover and guide at every step is strong, but our ultimate goal is to release a fully functioning human into the world. We really can't change the core of who he is, but we can help him develop habits that work for him. We need to help him develop the tools, but he needs to succeed and/or fail on his own more and more as he gets older. Our role becomes one of reinforcement and guidance.

by gdubs 8y ago

GreeniFi 8y ago

How do you do this?

xamuel 8y ago
Not the person you replied to, but re: forming good habits: I make a point that instead of saying e.g. "Wow, you're so good at drawing" to my kids, instead I say e.g. "Wow, you're getting so good at drawing because you keep practicing so much! It feels so good to practice and improve!" Works great so far :)
- GreeniFi 8y ago
  Thanks!

bootsz 8y ago

> they’re their own people, not extensions of our own ego So true. I feel like a large portion of all the conflict that arises between parents and children stems from a failure to understand this.

knight17 8y ago

"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bow from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrow may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable." - The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran I got the above from an HN comment on the topic of raising kids. I noted it in my personal wiki and this changed the way I think about this topic. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11006199 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11006199 Gibran's The Prophet was published in 1923 so it is now (2019) in the public domain in the USA. http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/58585 http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/58585

fatnoah 8y ago

>My philosophy has evolved to this: they’re their own people, not extensions of our own ego, and in the limited time we have influence over them we can help them develop core habits that will be useful throughout their lives. Well said. This is basically the philosophy my wife and I developed for our now 11 year old. The temptation to hover and guide at every step is strong, but our ultimate goal is to release a fully functioning human into the world. We really can't change the core of who he is, but we can help him develop habits that work for him. We need to help him develop the tools, but he needs to succeed and/or fail on his own more and more as he gets older. Our role becomes one of reinforcement and guidance.