I wonder: can I claim to be gay and would therefore prefer to be patted down by a woman? Can we make this a standard thing to claim? I would imagine that if th

I wonder: can I claim to be gay and would therefore prefer to be patted down by a woman? Can we make this a standard thing to claim? I would imagine that if they did not adhere to this request, then they would be guilty of sexual discrimination. I can equally imagine the scene if 95% of male travellers claimed to be gay and demanded to be groped by a lady 'for American values'. I cannot imagine that there will be that many women willing to grope a man on command. Other things to try: not washing for several days before the flight, telling the patting-down officer to be careful because you have lice, feigning injury from an aggressive pat-down and rolling around on the floor clutching your privates, like a soccer player who's been roughly tackled. Air travel has been turned into a fucking circus; let's go along with it and have some fun at the same time!