7 ms·
This is the approach I (try, and try and try and try) to take with my kids (6,4,2). I repeatedly tell them I will never be mad at them for mistakes, but they ha
by manyxcxi 8y ago
This is the approach I (try, and try and try and try) to take with my kids (6,4,2). I repeatedly tell them I will never be mad at them for mistakes, but they have to help fix them- whatever that may be. I also tell them I will get mad if they do it on purpose and/or I’ve instructed them not to do said thing that caused whatever issue. I try very hard to be explicit with instruction. Saying “be careful” doesn’t mean a whole lot, but saying “pour the water slowly and with two hands” can lead to a good result. Or “don’t jump off the couch because [insert reasons]”.
Frankly, they’re young and even when they’ve done something on purpose or are being bratty I try to coach them up again, sometimes I lose it and get mad- but I never use derision or name calling.
Losing it is usually just “Why? WHY?! Why did you just pull the step stool out and use the Christmas tree as a punching bag after I told you to stay back because it will fall over?!”
I use my logic brain to try and rationalize myself into a calm state, “well you told them to be careful with the jug of water, you didn’t say don’t pour it all over the dining room table”.
Man, they find some awesome ways to make a disaster sometimes...
- gilbetron 8y agoI told my son I would never be made at him for a mistake, then he mistakenly tried to kick my hand while wrestling and his heel nailed my jaw and I bit hard into my bottom lip. I was so mad ;) But generally, yeah, I talk to him about stuff and go over consequences and empathy and such, and I agree it works pretty well.
- Waterluvian 8y agoThis is a treasure trove of wisdom. Thank you for sharing. The challenge I have is my hard wiring for anger with pain. I'm a goofy dad but when my toddler swings his skull full speed into my jaw, a spark ignites something in me and my civilized brain can muster one thing: put him down, go to the garage, and kick a garbage can. Otherwise I have this uncorked rage and I feel scared with it. I'm not proud of it but I acknowledge that it's in my wiring.
- deleted 8y ago[deleted]
- nl 8y agoIt's ok to go kick a garbage can sometimes. Raising kids is hard enough without feeling bad for damaging garbage cans. Pro-tip, though: don't kick walls. Broken toes suck.
- Waterluvian 8y agoA stud once every 16 inches? I like those odds!
- nkrisc 8y agoCould have been masonry.
- c22 8y agoBroken drywall sucks too. Especially after it's been sitting there half-repaired for 6 months and your spouse keeps nagging you about it.
- geerlingguy 8y agoOr you repair the hole and spackle/mud it, but put off painting it for 3+ years :)
- mrhappyunhappy 8y agoBetter kicking a garbage can than the child haha. I can totally relate as my toddler does the same thing. Saying “don’t do that” only makes him do it again. Saying “that hurts” makes him laugh.
- deleted 8y ago[deleted]
- darkerside 8y agoIn my book, it's OK and maybe even a good thing to react emotionally (verbally, not physically). A good pain scream seems to put some fright into my kids ("Daddy's really strong! If he screams, it must really hurt!"). I think it teaches them that their actions have consequences, and it makes me feel just a little bit better.
- chrisdhoover 8y agoMaking stuff is half figuring out what to do and half fixing the inevitable mistakes