7 ms·

I found both the article and comments enlightening. The article did not feel ideological/partisan/political in the least. Yet after reading comments and giving

I found both the article and comments enlightening. The article did not feel ideological/partisan/political in the least. Yet after reading comments and giving it a second look, I can absolutely, definitely see why it could be perceived that way. Upon trying to examine my different reactions during reading and afterwards, I think it boils down to: As a white straight white collar man - democrats, republicans, liberal, conservative, libertarian, etc - these are matters of ideology, perspective - choice. If I were gay/lesbian as the author though, it's not ideology - it's people who actively wish you harm, and people who do not actively wish you harm. It's a matter of simple survival. Reading the article through the eyes of the lesbian forced to enter strange peoples' homes, I empathized. I was once in a scientology church, went through exam, it was all fun and games until I realized were were two floors below ground and a man with shifty eyes, intense stare, and who couldn't take no for an answer, was between us and the room's door - and dozens more like him between us and safety of the outside. Somewhat similarly, it feels like the author in each new home/environment has to quickly figure out who she's dealing with and act accordingly as a matter of survival. These folks I can be normal with. These folks think I'm an aberration and wish me harm. These are just creeps who want to rub on me. I feel like that very rarely in my life - occasionally as an atheist at a public gathering in really enthusiastic prayer, or back when I was a refugee immigrant in a room full of entitled locals - but most of the time I'm just safe wherever I am. The author is not.

novia 8y ago
I have no idea why you are being downvoted. Your comment is spot-on. Anyone care to explain?
postingtoofast 8y ago
I'm queer as a three dollar bill and the sorts of people who you say "wish me harm" have never been anything except kind to me personally. Their political decisions at a macro level can be debated, but I think the LGBT community has a lot of growing up to do when it comes to pretending like everyone in America wants to kill us. Just imagine an extreme homophobe visiting the homes of gay couples and seeing the worst in them. Wouldn't you suspect that the bad things they saw were ideological distortions in part (if not whole)? What you are reading in this article is something like that situation, only with the orientations reversed.
- fzeroracer 8y ago
  Considering we have a VP who very much hates gay people, various laws in place designed to hurt gay people incl. the fact that gay marriage is somehow still a debate in America? I'd say you would have to be deliberately ignoring the politics of the time which are generally not friendly at all to members of the LGBT community. You're creating a situation which somehow equates the author sharing her experiences with homophobia to that of someone who is homophobic. It's a goddamn terrible analogy. Try again.
  - postingtoofast 8y ago
    > fact that gay marriage is somehow still a debate in America? Some people also think the Earth is flat. Does that mean that round Earthers are in imminent danger from them? Being against gay marriage is a very low status belief that one can no longer hold openly in most of polite society. Aren't you satisfied? Does every single rural agricultural worker or person living under a bridge have to agree before you are safe? > I'd say you would have to be deliberately ignoring the politics of the time which are generally not friendly at all to members of the LGBT community. Quite contrary. My eyes are wide open. We live in the best time EVER to be gay. Gayness is openly celebrated in the most prosperous places in our society. It's only ridiculed in the dark corners. > You're creating a situation which somehow equates the author sharing her experiences with homophobia to that of someone who is homophobic. It's a goddamn terrible analogy. Try again. It absolutely isn't. I have seen time and time again in the gay community an outright phobia against heterosexuals who look or act traditionally straight. It's very unkind to judge people based on their external appearance or sexual preferences. I have learned from experience not to pre judge people. Mostly in that some of the best friends and allies I have are people who I'd have expected to be "bigots." Kindness and openness towards others begets the same in return.

novia 8y ago

I have no idea why you are being downvoted. Your comment is spot-on. Anyone care to explain?

postingtoofast 8y ago

I'm queer as a three dollar bill and the sorts of people who you say "wish me harm" have never been anything except kind to me personally. Their political decisions at a macro level can be debated, but I think the LGBT community has a lot of growing up to do when it comes to pretending like everyone in America wants to kill us. Just imagine an extreme homophobe visiting the homes of gay couples and seeing the worst in them. Wouldn't you suspect that the bad things they saw were ideological distortions in part (if not whole)? What you are reading in this article is something like that situation, only with the orientations reversed.

fzeroracer 8y ago
Considering we have a VP who very much hates gay people, various laws in place designed to hurt gay people incl. the fact that gay marriage is somehow still a debate in America? I'd say you would have to be deliberately ignoring the politics of the time which are generally not friendly at all to members of the LGBT community. You're creating a situation which somehow equates the author sharing her experiences with homophobia to that of someone who is homophobic. It's a goddamn terrible analogy. Try again.
- postingtoofast 8y ago
  > fact that gay marriage is somehow still a debate in America? Some people also think the Earth is flat. Does that mean that round Earthers are in imminent danger from them? Being against gay marriage is a very low status belief that one can no longer hold openly in most of polite society. Aren't you satisfied? Does every single rural agricultural worker or person living under a bridge have to agree before you are safe? > I'd say you would have to be deliberately ignoring the politics of the time which are generally not friendly at all to members of the LGBT community. Quite contrary. My eyes are wide open. We live in the best time EVER to be gay. Gayness is openly celebrated in the most prosperous places in our society. It's only ridiculed in the dark corners. > You're creating a situation which somehow equates the author sharing her experiences with homophobia to that of someone who is homophobic. It's a goddamn terrible analogy. Try again. It absolutely isn't. I have seen time and time again in the gay community an outright phobia against heterosexuals who look or act traditionally straight. It's very unkind to judge people based on their external appearance or sexual preferences. I have learned from experience not to pre judge people. Mostly in that some of the best friends and allies I have are people who I'd have expected to be "bigots." Kindness and openness towards others begets the same in return.