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I had a huge series of fights when I was 13 with my mom/stepdad, as I told them I wasn't doing the chores as they didn't pay enough versus money I was making on
by bwb 8y ago
I had a huge series of fights when I was 13 with my mom/stepdad, as I told them I wasn't doing the chores as they didn't pay enough versus money I was making online. If you pay someone for chores it becomes less about their contribution to the family, and more something you pay someone for... which I think in hindsight was a huge mistake on their part.
Chores should be part of being in the family. Money should be tied to something else I think.
- deleted 8y ago[deleted]
- JustSomeNobody 8y agoI'm confused. Did you do any chores at all? If not, did you pay someone to do your laundry, cooking, etc?
- bwb 8y agoChores at my house were not laundry or cooking, they were things like putting dirty dishes up, putting them in, clearing the table, taking out the trash, stuff like that.
- mturmon 8y agoMy family decoupled chores from money as you suggest. The rationale is that chores are part of living in the household, and are not negotiable. My kid gets a paid allowance which is in principle tied to her “job” which is going to school. It seemed inconsistent to say, “you are paid $x for this list of chores, which are in fact compulsory.” Because I didn’t want to allow her to opt out of, say, emptying the dishwasher because it wasn’t a good enough deal. Fundamentally, I didn’t want to broker a market in chores.
- m0zg 8y ago>> chores are part of living in the household, and are not negotiable Sure they are "negotiable". Your kid could just refuse to do them. What are parents going to do, kick him/her out?
- bwb 8y agoThe problem is when you tie them to money it implies you stop doing them and you don't get money. Whereas it should be you don't do them and you are not part of the family, and lose the right to your bed and stuff.
- m0zg 8y agoSure, as a parent myself I understand what the problem is. I was just challenging the notion that that parents have any leverage in this negotiation anymore.
- mturmon 8y agoIt is not a negotiation. We have tried to frame it as a question of ethical behavior. The kid wants to preserve the notion of a just household, and sees the logic of doing her part, provided the “ask” is equitable.
- Slartie 8y agoThere are less harsh methods of convincing kids to do their part in the household. Taking their devices with screens from them or limiting their screen time/internet access works great in today's world! Kids should always get basic necessities like a bed and food, but if they refuse to help the family in any way, there is no reason to not limit their access to luxury stuff, like electronic entertainment devices or sweets or whatever. Being able to do that is an enormous leverage in the hands of parents, and I really wonder why so many parents seem to hesitate to use it.
- titusjohnson 8y agoSo did you end up paying rent then? Edit: I can expound some. That's what would have been said to me if I responded in that way. Anyone living at home and not doing chores would pay rent. Mom and Dad did, so can anyone else bringing in money. Growing up, chores were not tied to allowance. We got $5 a week for spending cash, any extra we earned was our own, but chores were just chores. It's how you helped out at home. If you didn't want to do chores, the response was "Here's the classifieds, find an apartment." Now, my parents wouldn't have kicked a 12 year old out for announcing they wouldn't do chores, but A) the realization of how much money one would need to survive on their own is a hell of a shocker, and B) there are much better ways to apply pressure to get someone back on board with being helpful.