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Ask HN: Etiquette at conferences?

• petervandijck 16y ago
  Dodgy title but good advice: How to win friends and influence people. http://amzn.to/aEYc04 http://amzn.to/aEYc04 For conferences: try to contact people that are going beforehand and talk about stuff over email. It's easier to follow up in person than to start from scratch in person.
• bjonathan 16y ago
  Some conference tips from Colette Ballou (from BALLOU PR http://BallouPr.com http://BallouPr.com ): http://search.twitter.com/search?q=&ands=Conference+tips%3A&phrase=&ors=&nots=&tag=&lang=all&from=coletteballou&to=&ref=&near=&within=15&units=mi&since=&until=&rpp=15 http://search.twitter.com/search?q=&ands=Conference+tips...
• gasull 16y ago
  - how to get in and out of a conversation circle What I usually do is approaching a 3-people circle. They usually welcome you. If it's a 2-people "circle" then it might be a somewhat private conversation. And if there are 4 people or more then it's starting to be crowded.
• devmonk 16y ago
  I think you are worrying about it too much. Just be yourself. If you are doing interesting things, then other people will want to talk with you. If you aren't, they won't. You can be personable and likable, and they might talk with you, and maybe you'll get an in somewhere, but if you aren't aiming for anything in particular, what difference will it make?
• trouble 16y ago
  I haven't had a chance to go to any academic conferences yet, but I was involved in a discussion regarding networking at conferences with one of my professors [1] earlier this year. Some of his suggestions were, - don't sit with people you already know. Make a point of sitting with people you don't know for seminars, workshops, meals etc. - same for queues. If you're with friends, queue up separately for a chance to talk to new people. - only fill your cup a little at those meet and greet events with food and drinks. This way, if you get stuck in a conversation that's not going anywhere, you've always got an excuse to leave - to re-fill your cup. I realise these don't really address the questions the OP asked, but I thought I'd add them. Hopefully someone else will have some thoughts, because I'm interested too. [1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugh_Possingham http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugh_Possingham
• jseifer 16y ago
  Do not awkwardly kiss and subsequently force your hand down female conference-goers underwear.
  • bryanh 16y ago
    I know HN usually gets silly on the weekends, but this is generally good advice.
  • robryan 16y ago
    http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1875718 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1875718 What the parent post is referring to if anyone missed it.
  • antipaganda 16y ago
    Important safety tip there, thanks Egon.
  • jackowayed 16y ago
    Don't do so to male conference-goers either.
• RBr 16y ago
  Here are a couple of things that I've learned specific to your questions. They're sure no book, but I don't think that a practical guide exists. Being good at conferences is as individual as writing code - it's an extension of yourself. - how to get in and out of a conversation circle If people are heavily engaged, this is very difficult and you can easily step on the toes of the folks engaged in conversation. Generally, as long as the conversation doesn't "feel" private, stand near the circle and nod a lot. Then, when you have something truly intelligent to add, offer that up. Instantly, you will then be part of the conversation. If you don't have an intelligent part to add, don't. Use this opportunity to break into another group by saying "Bill over there was just talking about tktkt, what do you think of that?" - event invitations: when is it ok to go and not go Private events are not ok. Don't show up at the bar or otherwise crash it. Get on the list and do it the right way. At some large, stupidly exclusive events such as Ted, it's ok to show up in the hotel bar and mingle with the folks who paid to be there. - what's the appropriate amount to talk about yourself and your idea I use personal information to engage others to talk about themselves. I don't directly talk about myself. A natural part of conversation is to engage people personally in a back-and-forth manner. However, if someone talks about their office in San Francisco, exchange a fact about yourself that involves the area. Use tidbits of information about yourself to engage, not fill conversation. When asked, answer every single personal question honestly and deeply. This goes a long way to developing a relationship. It is however handy to have a few interesting, entertaining stories about yourself. This makes for great dinner conversation where back-and-forth often turns into somewhat of a round-robin of stories. - how to identify this conversation is going nowhere I never assume that a conversation isn't going anywhere. One of my biggest pet peeves at conferences are folks who are only there to talk to the heavy hitters. I get wanting to maximize your time, but understand that no single group of people or individual is as valuable as the collection of people attending a conference. There are usually very large brain trusts at events and if you can get a feel for the entire crowd and even have a set of questions answered by a variety of people, this is the best case scenario. Remember that conversations have a natural arc. If you feel stuck in a conversation, you need to learn how to naturally arc the conversation earlier so that you can gracefully move without being noticed. - how to approach FAMOUS GUY Remember that you likely won't actually have a discussion with famous people at events. Famous folks (no matter if they're on the bill or not) talk to a lot of people at events and the chance of you gaining any insight or that they will even remember you after you walk away is negligible. My best advice is that if you have some business with someone famous to walk up to him or her after he or she is done presenting, when you notice that they have a quite moment or if all else fails after they come out of the bathroom (never while in the bathroom). Quietly but confidently say something like "Hi Jimmy, my name is John, I know this isn't a great place to talk, but I've come here just to introduce myself in the hope that we can talk again. Here's my card with a note on the back about what I want to talk about. Could you give me a call when you have time or could I call you?" - how to appropriately ask your friend to introduce you to his friend, FAMOUS GUY I wouldn't sweat famous people too much. Sure, they look cool and have cool people around them, but for the most part, they're just people with more money then you. The real question that you should be sweating over is, what are you going to do so that people want to be introduced to you? It doesn't matter if your friend knows a music legend or is dating a model, people are people. If you hang around the right people enough, you'll get to know famous people without trying. Specifically at conferences, I'd think carefully about how much value waiting in line (and there is always a line) to talk to someone famous is. Personally, I'd rather talk to everyone in that line and everyone else at the event and then, if need be, talk to the famous person outside of the busy event to connect some dots.
• rguzman 16y ago
  "working a room" is actually fairly difficult as there are probably not very many rules of thumb that you can follow that don't have exceptions. You have to be sensitive to social cues and have tact. Getting in and out of conversation circles: hang out nearby and eavesdrop. If the conversation sounds like one that you have something to contribute, wait until you have something to say and there is an adequate lull in the conversation to jump in. It doesn't matter if what you have to say refers to earlier in the conversation "I overheard you said x a while ago,..." What's appropriate amount to talk about yourself/idea: as little as possible unless you are trying to sell to the person listening (and even in that case, as little as possible, but more than otherwise). People like to talk about themselves. Good conversationalists mostly listen and interject with anecdotes of their own that are relevant and the other person can relate to. How to approach FAMOUS GUY: just do it. Wait for your chance and then "Hello. I'm x. Big fan. ..." Most FAMOUS GUYs are used to being approached and know how to deal with unwanted attention. Just be polite. How to ask your friend for an introduction: I assume you mean "how to ask someone you don't know too well for an introduction" -- if it were your friend, just ask bluntly. If it is not your friend, ask bluntly, but provide a little bit more context. Why do you want said introduction, what's the goal, etc. The best advice: just be yourself. You look approachable when you are comfortable. Another piece of advice: don't look busy/purposeful. When you are by yourself, just stand in one place, smile at everyone, and wait until you see people that are by themselves. Introduce yourself simply. Edit: whoaz, I wrote a lot more than I thought I would -- I should disclose that while I think all of the above are good tips, I suck at many of them myself.
• phamilton 16y ago
  Is there a specific conference you are going to?
• noahc 16y ago
  Here are a few pointers: 1. Find a way to help everyone. Tell them, "hey, give me your e-mail address and I'll e-mail you x" or "Hey, e-mail me and I'll send that website/book/pdf I was talking about." Don't even talk about your projects. When you send the e-mail put something about it in the signature. They'll check it out. Follow up 3 weeks later. 2.Why do you want to talk to the famous guy? Is it because if he just tweets or blogs or knows about your app you're going to be big? You won't be big because he knows about it, but you'll probably be big if 20 up and coming people know about it. Hit them up, and you actually stand a chance. 3.Think about your personal brand (I struggle with this!) before you get there. Are you the newbie with something to prove, the expert, the rags to riches b2b story. All your stories, interactions have to match this personal brand. It should be an extension of your online presence (HN comments, blog, twitter, etc)
• deleted 16y ago
  [deleted]
• zkirill 16y ago
  One way is to figure out what topic the person who is of interest to you is passionate about, get them to start talking to you about it and attentively listen to them while asking for clarification or interjecting with thoughtful comments every now and then. Put yourself in the famous person's shoes. Probably everyone who approaches them can't stop talking about themselves. Make yourself stand out by not trying to make an impression but instead being genuinely interested in what the person has to say. People like talking about themselves, especially famous people. They like people who they can talk about themselves to. Chances are that at some point they'll ask you about yourself. That would be your time to shine and say your piece. Since they like you, they're more likely to care about what you have to say. Good luck! ;)
• siracguy 16y ago
  One approach I've found useful when trying to meet any of the speakers at a conference (which I assume includes the FAMOUS GUY you refer to): find the speaker in some other setting at the conference, such as when everyone picks up a boxed lunch and sits at random tables, or people are standing around outside the conference room. At that point, the speaker is just another person hanging out (unless the person is REALLY FAMOUS, and getting mobbed all the time). I once met the Fed CTO at a Starbucks just outside the conf center. Right after a speech is the WORST time to try to strike up a conversation with a speaker, as some of the other commenters have pointed out - at that point, they're usually surrounded by a group of people handing them business cards and talking at them; yet that's when most people try to meet them. Getting a friend to introduce you to someone he or she knows is usually the best way; most people will be happy to perform an introduction if you just ask. In the worst case, they can just tell you that they're not comfortable doing it.
• jamesbritt 16y ago
  "how to appropriately ask your friend to introduce you to his friend, FAMOUS GUY" Well, to turn this around: After attending the first few Ruby confs (though I missed #1) I was pleasantly surprised to find that matz not only recognize me when he saw me, but remembered my name. At some point I was attending Ruby conferences with coworkers or friends who were going for their first time, and when I would run into matz I made a point of going over to say hello, and also introduce these conf newbies. And I would try to do this for anyone else I thought my cohorts would be interested in meeting. For the longest time I had been a horribly shy person, and I still often have to force myself to do certain social things, so I figure if I can help someone else get over that initial hurdle by doing a few introductions then the world is a better place. So, all you people who have already established assorted acquaintances, help broaden the circle. BTW, most of the time FAMOUS PERSON is pretty nice and happy to meet people who say how great they are and how cool their work is. :) So in the absence of a formal introduction, just go over and introduce yourself. That's kind of the point of conferences.
• drakep 16y ago
  Having been to several conferences my only advice would be do everything with confidence and a big smile. As an undergraduate I approached many famous people in my field with nothing more than a smile and a hand out, they all understand where you are having been there themselves at some point. Usually they will ask you what you're doing and show some kind of interest in your work or ideas.
• zatara 16y ago
  I had the same curiosity when I started graduate studies. This book helped a lot, it goes through this and many other academic/technical issues, giving a good insight on the "non-spoken" rules of the game and how scientists actually think. It was some kind of an underground classic at the time I went through it (earlier edition) and a very light and entertaining read. http://www.amazon.com/Winning-Games-Scientists-Play-Sindermann/dp/0738204250/ http://www.amazon.com/Winning-Games-Scientists-Play-Sinderma...
• sb 16y ago
  Hi, there is some advice out there for (successfully) attending academic conferences: - http://www.cs.washington.edu/homes/mernst/advice/conference-attendance.html http://www.cs.washington.edu/homes/mernst/advice/conference-... (Michael Ernst's homepage has other excellent information, too) - http://www.cs.indiana.edu/how.2b/how.2b.community.html#conferences http://www.cs.indiana.edu/how.2b/how.2b.community.html#confe... All in all, I think this complements some of the already mentioned comments. However, some advice in here is clearly geared towards non-acacdemic venues (for example, I never saw anyone at an academic venue speaking about business ventures and/or monetary issues--aside of ill-fated research policies.)