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While I don't condone at all this kind of behavior on behalf of men, I have also seen the other side of the story on various occasions. One specific incident ac

by sp4rki 16y ago

While I don't condone at all this kind of behavior on behalf of men, I have also seen the other side of the story on various occasions. One specific incident actually comes to mind. A friend of mine had been dating a woman I was friends with from high school and used to keep in touch with. At this point I didn't know they where dating each other. One day he terminated the 'relationship' and the woman while seeking my advice made the comment that she could 'fuck up his life by saying he raped her'. I tried to convince her not to do so and though that she had desisted of such idea. A week later I was informed that my friend was being detained and charged with sexual assault, at that moment I actually put everything together, made a few calls and realized what had happened. I ended up telling everything she told to the police and my friend's lawyer and a week later the charges had been dropped. I even had a closer to home to home experience with this in highschool, I was a girl's scape goat in a plot to make a boyfriend jealous while I was actually still a virgin. She told everyone that she had sex with me, when it wasn't true and it almost became a problem. I'm not trying to say that this is the case here and that the author is lying though, but with lack of proof (and that certainly seems to be the case by reading the blog post) it is a very slippery slope to name the person on your blog. This could most probably ruin the guys life, the same way my friends life was on the verge of being ruined by someone with a bone to pick. Again, I'm not saying this is the case here, nor that I don't believe her, nor that I condone some men's behavior. As a matter of fact I'd rather side with the author on this one, but naming a person publicly like this, can easily destroy his and his family's life and future.

justaguyb 16y ago
but with lack of proof (and that certainly seems to be the case by reading the blog post) it is a very slippery slope to name the person on your blog. Let me get this clear: it's your opinion that unless somebody videotapes every moment of their life, that they should not publicly state negative things that happen to them? edit: for the downvoters, which part of that question is inappropriate?
- rue 16y ago
  Tone, putting words in someone else's mouth and conflating a very specific action with doing anything at all.
  - lrm242 16y ago
    And, like a few other comments, authored by an account registered specifically to jump into this fight.
    - jacoblyles 16y ago
      It's a touchy subject, one where if you think differently than other people they may judge you for it. I wouldn't blame someone for coming up with a throwaway account.
    - justaguyb 16y ago
      I'm using a throwaway because so many HNers seem to be rejecting any posts that do something other than cast doubt on the alleged victim.
- sp4rki 16y ago
  I'm upvoting you since I believe the question has some merit and does have to do with the discussion. Anyways, I've made no such claims, but you have to admit that it is as easy for a woman to completely destroy a man's life with such allegations, the same way a man can destroy a woman's life by committing a sexual crime against her. For this reason it is a necessity to have actual proof, be it video, witnesses, and most importantly DNA. To answer more clearly your question: Anyone has the right to state whatever negative things happen to them, but the moment you start pointing the finger (in this case the alleged sexual harasser) you better have proof not only because you might be potentially destroying the life's of many people in the process, but because you are also opening the door to a suit for defamation of character. Think about it, if it so happens that it's not true, he might lose his job, the custody of his children, any future career in the field in which he has established himself, being labeled as a sex offender, etc. If you're going to completely turn someone's life upside down, you better have the proof to prove such allegations.
  - justaguyb 16y ago
    I can't disagree more strongly with what you wrote. People have a right to report the things that happen to them. If they lie, I hope they get ruined in a defamation lawsuit, but honest personal testimony should not be discouraged or treated as a crime. You disgust me.
dekz 16y ago
This is similar to a story which involves one of my (then) friends. Schoolies is what can be compared to as Spring Break in the US. It's a place where kids finishing high school go to celebrate for a week. There's plenty of drinking and socialising, your usual parties. We made friends with a group of girls who were staying in the apartment next to us. They were all friendly (or so we thought), offered to make us breakfast, we drank and partied with them a few times. After one long day of partying, we were all just relaxing and drinking and watching some late night television. My friend is lead into the room by one of the girls and that's the last we see of him for the night. Now I can't say for sure what happened in that room, but all we know is that the next morning we find out this girl has a boyfriend, who now also knows of what had happened the previous night. Hours pass, doors are banging, my friend is now being threatened by the boyfriend. Then the police show up. The girl who had lead my friend into the room has gone to the police station and accused him of rape. At this stage, that girl has left with her boyfriend, while the other girls still remain in the room next to us. We chat across the veranda and the other girls still seem normal and friendly (you wouldn't expect this from friends of a girl who had just accused one of the guys of rape). The issue of the pending allegation of rape arises and one of the girls notifies us that she believes our friend is telling the truth and will give a statement to say that the last thing she saw was her leading him into the room. And that after speaking to her in the morning she seemed normal and didn't confide in them about any problems that night. That night ends and a new day begins, my friend is clearly shocked and frightened. His phone rings, it's an unknown number. He picks it up and the person on the other end introduces himself as the father of the girl. (One of the other girls had given his number to the father). The father goes on to say that this has happened before multiple times. This girl has falsely accused men of sexual assault multiple times (wtf?). He goes on to say that he believes his story and apologizes for what he has been going through. Charges were eventually dropped, other girls made similar statements, things were supposed to go back to normal. I noticed a bit of a change in my friend from this experience, he was not the same person he was before the accusation. I'm not saying women are liars or anything close to that about this story. I certainly do not advocate the naming and shaming this blog post is doing, it is unprofessional and frankly, ridiculous. Women say men exert power over them, yet they forget just how easily they can destroy a mans life and career.
- 16y ago

by sp4rki 16y ago

justaguyb 16y ago

but with lack of proof (and that certainly seems to be the case by reading the blog post) it is a very slippery slope to name the person on your blog. Let me get this clear: it's your opinion that unless somebody videotapes every moment of their life, that they should not publicly state negative things that happen to them? edit: for the downvoters, which part of that question is inappropriate?

rue 16y ago
Tone, putting words in someone else's mouth and conflating a very specific action with doing anything at all.
- lrm242 16y ago
  And, like a few other comments, authored by an account registered specifically to jump into this fight.
  - jacoblyles 16y ago
    It's a touchy subject, one where if you think differently than other people they may judge you for it. I wouldn't blame someone for coming up with a throwaway account.
  - justaguyb 16y ago
    I'm using a throwaway because so many HNers seem to be rejecting any posts that do something other than cast doubt on the alleged victim.
sp4rki 16y ago
I'm upvoting you since I believe the question has some merit and does have to do with the discussion. Anyways, I've made no such claims, but you have to admit that it is as easy for a woman to completely destroy a man's life with such allegations, the same way a man can destroy a woman's life by committing a sexual crime against her. For this reason it is a necessity to have actual proof, be it video, witnesses, and most importantly DNA. To answer more clearly your question: Anyone has the right to state whatever negative things happen to them, but the moment you start pointing the finger (in this case the alleged sexual harasser) you better have proof not only because you might be potentially destroying the life's of many people in the process, but because you are also opening the door to a suit for defamation of character. Think about it, if it so happens that it's not true, he might lose his job, the custody of his children, any future career in the field in which he has established himself, being labeled as a sex offender, etc. If you're going to completely turn someone's life upside down, you better have the proof to prove such allegations.
- justaguyb 16y ago
  I can't disagree more strongly with what you wrote. People have a right to report the things that happen to them. If they lie, I hope they get ruined in a defamation lawsuit, but honest personal testimony should not be discouraged or treated as a crime. You disgust me.

dekz 16y ago

This is similar to a story which involves one of my (then) friends. Schoolies is what can be compared to as Spring Break in the US. It's a place where kids finishing high school go to celebrate for a week. There's plenty of drinking and socialising, your usual parties. We made friends with a group of girls who were staying in the apartment next to us. They were all friendly (or so we thought), offered to make us breakfast, we drank and partied with them a few times. After one long day of partying, we were all just relaxing and drinking and watching some late night television. My friend is lead into the room by one of the girls and that's the last we see of him for the night. Now I can't say for sure what happened in that room, but all we know is that the next morning we find out this girl has a boyfriend, who now also knows of what had happened the previous night. Hours pass, doors are banging, my friend is now being threatened by the boyfriend. Then the police show up. The girl who had lead my friend into the room has gone to the police station and accused him of rape. At this stage, that girl has left with her boyfriend, while the other girls still remain in the room next to us. We chat across the veranda and the other girls still seem normal and friendly (you wouldn't expect this from friends of a girl who had just accused one of the guys of rape). The issue of the pending allegation of rape arises and one of the girls notifies us that she believes our friend is telling the truth and will give a statement to say that the last thing she saw was her leading him into the room. And that after speaking to her in the morning she seemed normal and didn't confide in them about any problems that night. That night ends and a new day begins, my friend is clearly shocked and frightened. His phone rings, it's an unknown number. He picks it up and the person on the other end introduces himself as the father of the girl. (One of the other girls had given his number to the father). The father goes on to say that this has happened before multiple times. This girl has falsely accused men of sexual assault multiple times (wtf?). He goes on to say that he believes his story and apologizes for what he has been going through. Charges were eventually dropped, other girls made similar statements, things were supposed to go back to normal. I noticed a bit of a change in my friend from this experience, he was not the same person he was before the accusation. I'm not saying women are liars or anything close to that about this story. I certainly do not advocate the naming and shaming this blog post is doing, it is unprofessional and frankly, ridiculous. Women say men exert power over them, yet they forget just how easily they can destroy a mans life and career.

16y ago