It's an interesting discussion and one that has bothered philosophers for millennia. I'm afraid you won't have a true answer to your doubts and it's a matter of

It's an interesting discussion and one that has bothered philosophers for millennia. I'm afraid you won't have a true answer to your doubts and it's a matter of what makes sense to each of you. As usual, Wikipedia does a decent job of surveying the landscape so you can deep dive into any of the philosophies as you wish: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_will https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_will