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The author's attempt to connect with her daughter seemed obviously misguided to me. Upon discovering that her daughter -- a budding guitar player -- liked list

The author's attempt to connect with her daughter seemed obviously misguided to me. Upon discovering that her daughter -- a budding guitar player -- liked listening to one of the same songs she did, she thought it would be wise to demonstrate that she, the experienced adult, already knew how to play that particular song on the guitar. Next, she offered to teach her daughter how to play it herself, robbing her of any opportunity to a) learn the song on her own, and b) decide for herself that it was a song she wanted to learn in the first place. I think a lot of parents could do with a bit more empathy for their teenage children. Teenagers are developing newfound desires for autonomy and mastery, but still feel largely trapped by their circumstances. It's no wonder they lock themselves in their rooms -- it's the only environment they have any control over.

silveroriole 8y ago
Yes. I’m nearly 30 and my mother still has the power to instantly discourage any hobby I’m picking up by spamming me with tips, telling me the equipment I’ve bought is no good and I should buy what she has, and insisting on “showing me how it’s done”. That’s not bonding with your child, it’s overpowering your child. It’s subtly telling them that you, the parent, are all-knowing and all-powerful and you’ll never be impressed because you can always do better than your child. It’s asking the child to be impressed by you instead.
r_c_a_d 8y ago
As a parent it is really hard to find the right balance between wanting to spend time with your kids and trampling all over their hobbies. Especially if it is a hobby where they need you to drive them somewhere and stay or pick them up later. My father and I used to compete in the same sport and I always hated it when he did well. Because however well I did, it was always how much ahead of him I got that mattered. With my sons I have conciously either not competed against them, or only competed in events that I am rubbish at. And I don't go anywhere near their online games and social networks.

silveroriole 8y ago

Yes. I’m nearly 30 and my mother still has the power to instantly discourage any hobby I’m picking up by spamming me with tips, telling me the equipment I’ve bought is no good and I should buy what she has, and insisting on “showing me how it’s done”. That’s not bonding with your child, it’s overpowering your child. It’s subtly telling them that you, the parent, are all-knowing and all-powerful and you’ll never be impressed because you can always do better than your child. It’s asking the child to be impressed by you instead.

r_c_a_d 8y ago

As a parent it is really hard to find the right balance between wanting to spend time with your kids and trampling all over their hobbies. Especially if it is a hobby where they need you to drive them somewhere and stay or pick them up later. My father and I used to compete in the same sport and I always hated it when he did well. Because however well I did, it was always how much ahead of him I got that mattered. With my sons I have conciously either not competed against them, or only competed in events that I am rubbish at. And I don't go anywhere near their online games and social networks.