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"I had never asked to see Paulina’s feed. I didn’t even know the name she used." I think therein lies a big part of the problem. She's feeling rejected that he

by warent 8y ago

"I had never asked to see Paulina’s feed. I didn’t even know the name she used." I think therein lies a big part of the problem. She's feeling rejected that her 15 year old daughter won't listen to her acoustic cover of some band from her generation, but then doesn't express interest in this huge part of her daughter's generation. I don't have children so this is just armchair/backseat parenting which I understand is much easier from the sidelines. That being said, it seems very evident to me that it would probably help her tremendously if she would update herself with pop culture and technology a little bit to make herself a more accessible and relatable to her daughter, because playing music from yester-generation is only going to make herself seem more foreign and distant (in this particular scenario)

pacaro 8y ago
Even as the parent of a 4 year old I feel that my opinion is somewhat “armchair/backseat” but I agree with you, with an addendum. It’s good and important for parents and other adults in teenagers’ lives to keep current on pop culture, but even at 30 years remove I remember how cringe worthy and counter productive it was when such an adult thought that they could relate because of a few radio and tv shows that they watched. Following your child’s Instagram feed may well give a way deeper insight, maybe asking to share their playlists too
- Markoff 8y ago
  yeah but what if you were not really interested in current mainstream pop culture even when you were younger? i don't listen radio crap for long time, have clue about celebrities and i have similar child as you, same goes for TV shows where i am very picky and i don't have Facebook, twitter or other social network account besides Reddit, let alone youngsters snapchat or Instagram which i find meaningless already now, not 10-15 years from now when my children will be teenagers
gumby 8y ago
Consider it the other way -- she's giving her child privacy. I never asked to "friend" my son on social media (and told him why) and he invited me to FB, which I believe he curates pretty heavily and doesn't use much -- basically to make a picture for old people. He hasn't asked me to friend him on instagram or snapchat and that's OK (and various IG pictures leak out anyway via other channels, like other people)
- PavlovsCat 8y ago
  Perfect mix of giving them room and still having an open door. I'm not a parent, but I remember being young, and I remember what a difference such a live and let live attitude made. The implicit understanding that I can have my "secrets", that I don't have to pretend to not have any, but that if there's anything serious, I'll say something. The adults I trusted and the ones I was wary of I could divide roughly along that axis I think: give me room and I'll feel grateful and proud and super grown up and will try to be responsible, or be pushy and patronizing and nothing good will come out of it (certainly when it was just random adults, not my parents or teachers, I could out-stubborn anyone).
ksdale 8y ago
I think you nailed it from the armchair. My parents and my wife’s parents reminisce fondly about evenings spent playing cards and singing songs with their families growing up, and they’re sad that those things aren’t much a part of our culture any more (at least not in our small circle of the world). The other night though, my wife and I were playing Stardew Valley multiplayer with two of our young children and it hit me that we had basically organically stumbled upon family game night just from trying to do things that the kids were interested in as much as us that also involve some interaction with each other (as opposed to say, watching the same TV show next to each other).
- pm90 8y ago
  Have a big upvote from me. Your family sounds awesome, and, I guess, just the kind of family that I wanted growing up. A family that would be as interested in the world of Harry Potter and Tolkein as I was. Or in the music I found interesting. I really like this style of parenting that I see here in the US where children are not treated "childishly"; are actually listened to and the parents try and build a relationship with their children by engaging in activities that all enjoy.
wisdomoftheages 8y ago
To be fair to her, she played it because she heard her daughter listening to it and thought they would be able to bond over it. It must feel terrible to have your kid actively reject something they previously liked because they found out you liked it too, even if it’s a normal part of adolescence.
captain_chester 8y ago
Well said.
mixmastamyk 8y ago
My mom listened to the Doors and Motown, my uncle played guitar like Eddie Van Halen. Grandparents listened to jazz. I thought it was all f’ing awesome and still do.

by warent 8y ago

pacaro 8y ago

Even as the parent of a 4 year old I feel that my opinion is somewhat “armchair/backseat” but I agree with you, with an addendum. It’s good and important for parents and other adults in teenagers’ lives to keep current on pop culture, but even at 30 years remove I remember how cringe worthy and counter productive it was when such an adult thought that they could relate because of a few radio and tv shows that they watched. Following your child’s Instagram feed may well give a way deeper insight, maybe asking to share their playlists too

Markoff 8y ago
yeah but what if you were not really interested in current mainstream pop culture even when you were younger? i don't listen radio crap for long time, have clue about celebrities and i have similar child as you, same goes for TV shows where i am very picky and i don't have Facebook, twitter or other social network account besides Reddit, let alone youngsters snapchat or Instagram which i find meaningless already now, not 10-15 years from now when my children will be teenagers

gumby 8y ago

Consider it the other way -- she's giving her child privacy. I never asked to "friend" my son on social media (and told him why) and he invited me to FB, which I believe he curates pretty heavily and doesn't use much -- basically to make a picture for old people. He hasn't asked me to friend him on instagram or snapchat and that's OK (and various IG pictures leak out anyway via other channels, like other people)

PavlovsCat 8y ago
Perfect mix of giving them room and still having an open door. I'm not a parent, but I remember being young, and I remember what a difference such a live and let live attitude made. The implicit understanding that I can have my "secrets", that I don't have to pretend to not have any, but that if there's anything serious, I'll say something. The adults I trusted and the ones I was wary of I could divide roughly along that axis I think: give me room and I'll feel grateful and proud and super grown up and will try to be responsible, or be pushy and patronizing and nothing good will come out of it (certainly when it was just random adults, not my parents or teachers, I could out-stubborn anyone).

ksdale 8y ago

I think you nailed it from the armchair. My parents and my wife’s parents reminisce fondly about evenings spent playing cards and singing songs with their families growing up, and they’re sad that those things aren’t much a part of our culture any more (at least not in our small circle of the world). The other night though, my wife and I were playing Stardew Valley multiplayer with two of our young children and it hit me that we had basically organically stumbled upon family game night just from trying to do things that the kids were interested in as much as us that also involve some interaction with each other (as opposed to say, watching the same TV show next to each other).

pm90 8y ago
Have a big upvote from me. Your family sounds awesome, and, I guess, just the kind of family that I wanted growing up. A family that would be as interested in the world of Harry Potter and Tolkein as I was. Or in the music I found interesting. I really like this style of parenting that I see here in the US where children are not treated "childishly"; are actually listened to and the parents try and build a relationship with their children by engaging in activities that all enjoy.

wisdomoftheages 8y ago

To be fair to her, she played it because she heard her daughter listening to it and thought they would be able to bond over it. It must feel terrible to have your kid actively reject something they previously liked because they found out you liked it too, even if it’s a normal part of adolescence.

captain_chester 8y ago

Well said.

mixmastamyk 8y ago

My mom listened to the Doors and Motown, my uncle played guitar like Eddie Van Halen. Grandparents listened to jazz. I thought it was all f’ing awesome and still do.