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Hi! I feel like your question is almost directed at myself :) I'm a new parent with a 5-month-old and I started a remote software dev job pretty much right afte
by godot 8y ago
Hi! I feel like your question is almost directed at myself :) I'm a new parent with a 5-month-old and I started a remote software dev job pretty much right after our daughter was born. My wife and I also used to be avid travelers before this. I'm a dev with 13-years work experience in Silicon Valley, and have worked for companies big and small, including being a cofounder for a YC startup.
1. On work, set expectations with your partner that working from home doesn't mean you're available to do baby chores all the time; although you can do it occasionally to help out or in small emergencies. Assuming you have a dedicated room for your office area, you can set up some basic rules of expectations -- for example, door open means you're working, but can be interrupted if needed; door closed means you're in a video meeting or something and shouldn't be interrupted.
2. On your partner -- remember that baby care is a tough, more-than-full-time job and if she's pumping, that's easily a double full time job. (My daughter never learned direct feeding so my wife pumps 100% of time) In such a scenario, you may want to consider hiring a nanny, during the time of your work hours on week days. Otherwise, you're possibly looking at dedicating 30 minutes to look after your baby every 3-4 hours (whatever is her pumping frequency -- but usually every 3-4 hours to start with), and can disrupt your work a lot.
3. I don't know your company's paternity leave policy, but you should try to take the first 2 months off, even if some of that time needs to be unpaid. The first 2 months are tremendously hard. Even for 2 people, full time, you're still going to run on 3-4 hours of sleep a day, just to take care of the baby and keep the house running and have food. Alternatively you could hire post-partum doula and maybe later on a nanny, and you can go back to work earlier as soon as hired help starts. But if you have the option to take time off, you might as well do it -- yes it'll be harder than working, but your baby will have more bonding with you and be closer with you when she's a few months old. Moreover, the first 2 months are very hard on the mom. The emotional stress and physical work are overwhelming. Share as much of it as you can! For us, since she pumps, I try to do more of feeding and diaper changes. That becomes less possible when you start work, which is why you should take more time off at first.
4. Since you mentioned travel -- expect traveling to be minimal and not easy for the first few months. Even now at 5 months old we find it pretty difficult to be in a car ride for more than an hour or so. Babies have short attention spans and need a lot of holding and carrying for comfort, which isn't possible when a car is moving. On top of that, if mom is pumping, that makes scheduling time to go out even for a couple of hours pretty hard. Don't expect much traveling for the first 6 months.
I can add on to this post some more as I think of more stuff. Feel free to ask any specific questions you have too.
Congrats on the baby! Definitely share as much of the baby care work as possible, outside of your work time. Putting the baby to sleep at night is a very good routine for dad to do -- you're free at night, and it's a tough part of the day that mom can use a relief from.
- notdonspaulding 8y agoGood advice, and I love your last tidbit in particular. When I take on bedtime chores, my (stay-at-home) wife gets a second wind to accomplish whatever tasks of her own that she's been hoping to get to but has had to put off all day because she was taking care of the younguns. It's a great solution because the kids and I get time together, I get to share in the caretaking chores, and my wife gets a much-needed respite from managing 6 other people's lives for them.