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I 100% agree with you. I've lived in the Bay Area 31 years, and I usually drum up this scenario: Sitting alone, at a nice bar, anywhere in the Bay Area - I cou

I 100% agree with you. I've lived in the Bay Area 31 years, and I usually drum up this scenario: Sitting alone, at a nice bar, anywhere in the Bay Area - I could sit there all day, and no one would say a word to me. Any other city? Even New York? Boston? Austin? Atlanta? Denver? Paris? Berlin? Seattle? No problem. Someone will chat, I'll meet a group, whatever. Also, I'm extremely social. It's "not me." Disclaimer: Just an unscientific observation.

et-al 8y ago
What about beer gardens with communal seating? I'm afflicted with a resting bitch face, but if I'm at Zeitgeist in SF, strangers will usually strike up conversation with my party.
losteric 8y ago
In SF, I feel people have moved to the city with their own clique that they try to stay within - people will show up to meet their group as part of their evening plans, not to meet new people. They're open to it, but never proactive. However, the odds improve if you avoid "nice" bars - destination bars are a thing, people show up with their group for a few drinks never intending to visit again. They never socialize so locals go elsewhere.
petsormeat 8y ago
My experience (in SF/Oakland for 30+ years) is the same. Trouble is, I've grown so accustomed to it that I probably project the same Bay Area snotty hostility when I visit other places.
bscphil 8y ago
This is really surprising to me. I live in LA and it's the same as your description of the Bay. And it's hard to me to imagine it any other way. What would these people have to say to me? What could I have to say to them? Which is a way of suggesting that it does both ways. I don't know how people develop the skills necessary to approach someone they don't know.
gaius 8y ago
I could sit there all day, and no one would say a word to me They are all too afraid of “offending” you or committing a “microaggression”. A room full of people all desperate to connect but no one will make the first move in case it ends up on Twitter.
eeeeeeeeeeeee 8y ago
I’m in Denver and the same thing happens to me in most bars. The rise of the smart phone ruined bars.

et-al 8y ago

What about beer gardens with communal seating? I'm afflicted with a resting bitch face, but if I'm at Zeitgeist in SF, strangers will usually strike up conversation with my party.

losteric 8y ago

In SF, I feel people have moved to the city with their own clique that they try to stay within - people will show up to meet their group as part of their evening plans, not to meet new people. They're open to it, but never proactive. However, the odds improve if you avoid "nice" bars - destination bars are a thing, people show up with their group for a few drinks never intending to visit again. They never socialize so locals go elsewhere.

petsormeat 8y ago

My experience (in SF/Oakland for 30+ years) is the same. Trouble is, I've grown so accustomed to it that I probably project the same Bay Area snotty hostility when I visit other places.

bscphil 8y ago

This is really surprising to me. I live in LA and it's the same as your description of the Bay. And it's hard to me to imagine it any other way. What would these people have to say to me? What could I have to say to them? Which is a way of suggesting that it does both ways. I don't know how people develop the skills necessary to approach someone they don't know.

gaius 8y ago

I could sit there all day, and no one would say a word to me They are all too afraid of “offending” you or committing a “microaggression”. A room full of people all desperate to connect but no one will make the first move in case it ends up on Twitter.

eeeeeeeeeeeee 8y ago

I’m in Denver and the same thing happens to me in most bars. The rise of the smart phone ruined bars.